Punch (77.1879)

August 30, 1879.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEI.

95

MAGNANIMITY MAY DEGENERATE INTO WEAKNESS.

BftowN's Bulldog flies at a strapping young Foreigner, who calls for Money (for the
German Band). Brown actually holds his Dog back !

WARDS FOR THE WEALTHY.

There are very many persons, who,
in reply to the question, " How do
you. do?" might too truly reply,
" Yery ill," and yet be also correctly
describable as " well-to-do." With
reference to this class of people, Sir
Rutherford Alcock, writing on
" Hospitals for the Middle Classes,"
announces that the Treasurer and
Governors of St. Thomas's Hospital
contemplate making arrangements to
set aside certain wards for the recep-
tion of paying patients, and suggests
that this example should be followed
in time by Guy's, Bartholomew's^ and
ultimately by all other hospitals,
general and special. Wanted, in the
meanwhile, hospital accommodation
for persons doing well enough to be
able to pay for it, and ill enough to
stand in need of it. At present the
Hospital does well only to those that
do ill as to estate as well as in body
but its benefits yet remain to be ex-
tended to ill-doers of the better sort
than those others, as doing ill in
health alone, but being, in point of
pecuniary circumstances, better off.

Summer and Autumn.

" Summer," cried, in a splendid
Brogue, Murphy, " we'd none;

And before it has ended
Here's Autumn begun ! "

" 'Tis high time I should go,"
Said the Swift to the Swallow;

Which bird answered, " I trow
When you flit I shall follow."

Intemperate Weather.—Beery,
Heavy Wet, and "Muggy."

" By Jove ! I didn't think it was possible ! "

All are startled. What is it ? A gathering of the Clans ? A
descent of the Highlanders on the Lowlanders ? An explosion of a
cask of whuskey ?

No. The speaker is a Johnstone of Johnstone; and I inquire
anxiously what may be the matter.

" Oh, nothing," he replies. " Only—if you stand exactly here "—
and I move from my place, and take some pains to place myself
exactly there—■

"Well?" I ask, expecting an Aurora borealis, or something
marvellous.

" Well," he goes on, extending his right arm, " by this light you
can just see—Ben Lomond."

"Ah!_ Yes. Thank you. Yery interesting." Only if I look at
Ben again, I'm- But no matter.

Carriages. Guests depart. Host sees me up to my room. Every-
thing comfortable. Quite. He goes to the window. The blind is
up. He shakes his head sadly.

" Going to rain to-morrow ? " I ask, cheerily.

" No," he replies, " I don't think so."

Then why shake his head so despondently ? Well, he had told
them to give me another room—not this.

" Anything the matter with this ? " I inquire.

" Oh, no, it's all right," he returns. " Only"—he adds, regret-
fully—" you can't see Ben Lomond from the window. Good night."
And he retires.

[Happy Thought.—Then it's a bad look-out for Ben Lomond.]
I open Is Life worth Living f Commence reading. Knock at
door. "Come in!" My host's head appears. He has quite for-
gotten to tell me that my window commands a splendid view of
Burrrns's Monument. Oh! Much obliged to him. Good night.
I shall dream of Ben Lomond and the Monument.

effect of a recent storm.

The tempest blew away tiles off the roofs of houses, and turned
the tiles into projec-tiles.

BIOLOGICAL QUERIES.

Dr. Allman, President of the British Association, delivered to
that body, at Sheffield, an address on the Basis of Biology, which
may have been instructive to a philosopher, whilst intelligible to a
young lady. Many a scientific lecturer evinces lucid intervals only;
but Dr. Allman in his discourse maintained an uniform lucidity.
Some of his interesting statements were suggestive of questions none
of which were asked by any of his hearers.

He said that plants as well as animals could be narcotised by
chloroform and by ether, and that in the state of insensibility thus
induced on them, their organic functions are mostly suspended. Has
alcohol also a characteristic effect upon plants? Will it intoxicate
them ? Will it make any plant whatever drunk and incapable ?
Drunk and disorderly, perhaps, it can hardly render any mere plant,
howsoever a wild one ; or even any zoophyte.

Dr. Allman explained that irritability is_ one thing, and con-
sciousness is another. No doubt. But is it possible for an old
gentleman, for instance, to be irritable without being conscious of
his irritability ?

Are we quite sure that the irritability of plants is unaccompanied
by consciousness ? Have the Drosera and other carnivorous plants
no appetite for the insects they eat ? Ought cucumbers and cabbages
to be cut under anaesthetics, and when they are not, is the gardener
chargeable with cruelty to vegetables ? And should not a Society be
instituted for the prevention thereof ?

Waste and Woodland.

From a Parliamentary report on the forests in Cyprus lately
published, it appears that, under Turkish mismanagement, there had
so long been going on such a great and grievous waste of timber in
that Island, that there are few if any. The Government is expected
to take immediate action, in order, as soon as possible, to replace the
Cyprus trees. There is no reason why they should not begin to
plant away speedily, for the Massacre of the Innocents has by no
means cleared their Nursery grounds.