Punch (77.1879)

98

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[September 6, 1879.

"SOLD!»

School-Board Inquisitor. " Good Morning, Coachman. Your Name is Peosser, I believe ?
Have you any Children—Boys or Girls ? "

Old Groom {assuming intense meekness). "Yes, Sir; at your Service, Sir. "Yes, Sir,
two Girls, Sir-"

Sehool-Board Inquisitor. " Do they go to School ? "

Old Groom. " School, Sir ? Not they, Sir ! "

Scliool-Board Inquisitor {fiercely). " And pray why not ?"

Old Groom {shaking his head). " Ah, Sie, they've got such "Wills o' their own, Sir!"
School-Board Inquisitor. " Aha !"—{Producing Note-Book with ardour.)—" Their Names
and Ages ?"

Old Groom {still more meekly). "Jane and Mary, Sie. One's Nineteen, Sir, and the
other's just turned o' Two-an'-Twenty, Sir ! " [Exit Inquisitor hastily.

A Problem.

"Who will interpret the following, from a "Western paper ?—

OTJNTRY HOME for a Gentleman ; pony carriage, cow ; or a little Girl to Educate with one

VJ who has a Governess. Apply, &c.

THE TERRIBLE EXAMPLE;

OR, THE WAR-OFFICE PLOT.

{Military Drama—adapted from the
South-African.)
Scene—A modern battle-field on the morroiv
of a disaster. In the foreground an
Unhappy Subaltern waiting, in front of
a file of Soldiers, bound, ready to be
shot. Enter Distinguished Commander-
in-Chief, surrounded by a brilliant
Staff.

Distinguished Commander-in- Chief. And
now, Soldiers, to make a terrible example
of him, and vindicate the honour of the
Service. Load your carbines fully to the
muzzles, and do your duty.

[They load.

Unhappy Subaltern. Nay, but hear me!
I repeat that the evidence——

Distinguished Commander - in - Chief
{fiercely). Silence, Sirrah! There are
occasions on which evidence is as nothing
when weighed in the balance against senti-
ment. This is one of them. You will be
shot, as a terrible example. Soldiers, to
your work ! Make ready ! Present!-

Unhappy Subaltern. Hold! I would
make one last dying observation before I fill
a soldier's grave. I was not on duty—at
least, that was my firm impression.

Distinguished Commander-in- Chief. In-
deed ! Then that alters the case most
materially. Soldiers, a firm impression
must be respected. Remove his bonds, and
give him an easy-chair.

Unhappy Subaltern. Thanks, noble and
generous Chief. And am I indeed now free
to receive a deputation ?

Distinguished Commander-in-Chief. You
are. But the privilege leaves your poor
old Commander in a sorry hobble ! How,
Sirrah, think you, will he make his
" terrible example " now ?

Unhappy Subaltern. Believe me, most
excellent and worthy Chief, I neither know
nor care.

Distinguished Commander-in- Chief {with
suppressed emotion). "Will no one help me ?

Enter an Astute Adjutant-General with
writing materials.

Astute Adjutant-General {throwing open
a large blot ting-book). Yes—I! See, here
is a piece of official paper, a full inkstand,
and a pen. With these trifles, rest assured
I will make it tolerably hot for somebody.
The illustrious General, for instance ?-

Distinguished Commander-in- Chief. Im-
possible. He was under the firm impres-
sion that it was all right. Besides, he is an
excellent fellow. No, no, my good Ad-
jutant, that was not what I meant by a
"terrible example." Such things are not
for Pall Mall. Now, is there no one--

Astute Adjutant- General {brightly). Ha !
I have it! There is someone—a distant
Colonel-

Distinguished Commander-in- Chief. A
distant Colonel, said you, my worthy Ad-
jutant ?—a distant Colonel P Good! That's
good! Proceed !

Astute Adjutant-General. A distant
Colonel, who, I think, might perhaps be
worked in judiciously-

Distinguished Commander-in-Chief. Into
a manifesto ? I see it all, my worthy
Adjutant. You will clear the Authorities
at home-

Astute Adjutant-General. Give a slap at
those at a distance-

Distinguished Commander-in- Chief. Vin-
dicate the honour of the Service-

Astute Adjutant- General. Write the most
killing letter of the dull Season-