Punch (77.1879)

! 138 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 27, 1879.

WHO SHALL SAY THE RACE OF BRILLIANT TALKERS IS EXTINCT?

Festive Host (confidentially, to Lady on his right). " It has constantly suggested itself to me, Mrs. Brown, that—er—that

the reason why the weather—er—affords so fruitful a topic of conversation amongst english people, is—er—is that

the English Climate is subject to—er—to rapid Variations, which cannot be foreseen, so to speak !"

The Same (to Lady on his left, also confidentially). " As I was just observing to Mrs. Brown, it has frequently occurred to
my mind, Mrs. Jones, that—er—that the reason why—er—why the Weather, in short, furnishes so inexhaustible a
theme of discussion to—er—to british people, is—er—no doubt—er—that the climate of the british isles is liable, so
to speak, to—er—to sudden mutations, which we cannot calculate upon beforehand/"

The Same (loud, across the table, to festive Hostess). "My Love—er—as I was only just observing to Mrs. Brown, and—er—
to Mrs. Jones, it has frequently, and indeed constantly, suggested itself to my mind, that the reason why—er—why
the—the Weather, in point of fact, should—er—should furnish so fruitful a topic of discussion, and afford so inex-
haustible a theme of conversation amongst—er—amongst the inhabitants of the british isles, may—er—may possibly

be owing to the peculiarity that the —er—well, the climate of the united kingdom is liable, and subject, so to speak,
to sudden Variations, which cannot be calculated upon beforehand, and to—er—to Rapid Mutations, in short, which—
er—which we cannot—er—foresee ! "

WAR CORRESPONDENCE OF THE FUTURE.

(Strictly Professional.)

(By Punch's own Clairvoyant Captain.)

Encampment—somewhere. Monday
or Tuesday.

I must apologise for the vagueness of my address and doubtful-
ness of my date, and also for my long silence, which has been caused
by my military duties. However complimentary the selection, I am
not half pleased that the General commanding has detailed me as
your Correspondent, in the absence of the regular civilian fellows,
who have been drilled into that sort of thing. But I suppose the
public would not be satisfied unless they received some account of
our doings at the front! You may rely upon the intelligence I send
you—as far as it goes.

Our orders are to confine ourselves to facts, and not venture on
comments or opinions. I am Acting-Captain of my Company—rather
an arduous duty for a subaltern of two years' standing. I know
that we marched here; but as I have not been able to get hold of a
map of the country, I have no idea where we are. There are some
trees in the distance, and something like an encampment of the
enemy, but as I cannot leave my men to make inquiries, this is all

the information I can give you at present. I must break off for the
present, as my Sergeant-Major wants to speak to me.

Tuesday or Wednesday—or is it Thursday f
I resume my pen and my letter. As it happens, my Sergeant-
Major needn't have bothered me; but when once a fellow who is
Acting-Captain gets called away from his newspaper work, it is no
easy matter to get back to it. 1 do wish that the General had left
this kind of work to the regular old hands, who were up to it. I
asked my Sergeant to relieve me of the job, but he was mutinous,
and wouldn't. If we were not in front of the enemy, I should bring
him before the C. 0. for insubordination. Unluckily, there is
nothing, as far as I can find, in the Articles of War or the Queen's
Regulations about refusing to write letters to newspapers.

Well, we marched here, after striking our last encampment. By
the way, I haven't told you how we came to strike our encampment.
This ivill interest your readers. Well ....

Thought so ! Just as I am settling down to my letter, here comes
an " Officer's call." Must cut pen and ink for the present.

Either Friday or Saturday.
For the last day or two I really haven't known whether I have
been standing on my head or my heels. I should like you to be the
Acting-Captain of a Company, knowing as little about it, too, as 1
did when 1 began, and you would soon see how impossible it is to do