Punch (77.1879)

144

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI. [September 27, 1879.

THE SPHINX ON SHAM.

"Sham,—a stupid word generally used by stupid people."—Lord Beaconsfield at
Aylesbury.

ll is not gold^ that glit-
ters i Fudge!
Is all success on hul-

MK. LO*p . B EAC 01^ tS FI E L5 MoBtdSlSdeemthat
AT • AVLESB\R^ . they can judge

'Twixt solid gold and
surface gilt.

It fogs them tnough, would they confess,

To gauge the sort of god I am—
The showy yet assured success

Which stupid people call a Sham.

The cant of satire on the lips

Of foolish failure moves my mirth.
False glitter ? Well, its gleams eclipse

Their muddy wits, their souls of earth.
Dull, dowdy delf flouts porcelain fine,

Because 'tis gilded. All mere flam !
There's virtue in the show and shine

Which stupid people call a Sham.

A land of dullards to illume,

A world of grovellers to inspire,
Were weary work. Let zealots fume

Of quickening light or purging fire";
To dazzle is an easier task.:

Tact tickles folly's diaphragm,
And mimes and wears the modish mask,

Which stupid people call a Sham.

A stupid word by dulness shaped,

Blind spite's poor substitute for wit.
When duncedom satire's scourging aped,

The borrowed lash no longer bit.
For what but gulls were groundlings'sent ?

Is folly's crop not made to cram ?
Tact triumphs, and is well content,

Though stupid people call it Sham !

BULLS, WELSH AND IRISH.

Besides the typical Bull, to which the typical English-
man, Mr. John Bull, corresponds, there exist, in the
United Kingdom, distinct national varieties of the Bos
Taurus. The Welsh Bull, for instance, is usually said
to have peculiarities of conformation and colour quite
its own. And yet the North Wales Guardian, in an
account of an anniversary celebration lately held at St.
Mary's Church, Cefn, informs us that:—

" At three o'clock a children's service was conducted by the
Rector, and an excellent address given by the Eev. Ll. Jones.
The English service was in "Welsh."

Here is an example of the Bos Cymricus in no way
to be distinguished from the Bos Ilibemicus,

The Flowek op the Flock:.—The Collie-flower, of
course.

CETEWAYO.

To tlw Editor of Punch.

Sir,—As we all know that Punch is a loyal journal, and devoted
to the interests of England, I solicit your aid in giving publicity to
the plan I have to propose for paying the expenses of the Zulu War.

I propose that Cetewayo be given into my charge. I am prepared
to hire as attendants on His Majesty the Zulus now showing at the
Aquarium.

I engage to dress H.M. in regal robes, after the fashion of his
Court.

I invite Sir Bartle Frere, my Lord Chelmsford, and Captain
Carey, to accompany the party on a tour through Great Britain, the
United States of America, and Canada.

Every respect shall be paid to all parties, according to their
position; and I engage that no person shall be allowed in the Royal
presence unless furnished with cards issued at one shilling each,
half the proceeds of sale of such cards to be paid into the British
treasury, the other half to go in liquidation of my expenses ; the cards
to become the property of the purchaser, and to be countersigned by
H. M. Cetewayo, my Lord Chelmsfobd, Sir Bartle Frere, and
Captain Carey.

It seems to me that such an exhibition will be at once agreeable to
the party, advantageous to the British nation, and profitable to
myself. J. Barntjm, of New York.

Races and Roguery.

An; article quoted by the Times from the'Brisbane Courier contains
some interesting particulars relative to "Decaying Rapes"—in
particular, the Maori race in New Zealand, and the Polynesian races
generally. Other races that we know of are fast decaying from a
cause quite notorious. There can be no doubt that_ the decay of
Epsom Races is attributable to the roguery with which they have
got contaminated by tribes of betting cads. It is to be feared that
Newmarket, Ascot, and Goodwood Races will ere long be involved
in decay alike with the Derby.

NATURAL HISTORY OF A NUISANCE.

Bugbears, of course, are now on show, along with other monsters
of the dead season. One of the most horrid of these horrid objects
is yet physically minute ; the Phylloxera vastatrix, a pestilent little
insect, said to be on the way to destroy all the vines in the world.
Perhaps it had better be called a bugbore than a bugbear, being
indeed a bore of the first magnitude, although in bodily size consi-
derably smaller than the Norfolk Howard. It belongs, however, to
another family than that branch of the Howards, being a member
of the Aphides, though by some supposed to be a novum entomon, or
upstart, among insects: a creature of yesterday, recently "deve-
loped," by " spontaneous generation."

But possibly the Phylloxera vastatrix came into existence very
long ago, though not into notice until lately, when it was brought
forward by the newspapers.

As an addition to standard plagues, or, what the Americans
call "cusses," your Phylloxera vastatrix is certainly "something
new and strange;" yet, being the nuisance that it is, we cannot
"therefore as a stranger give it welcome," but, on the contrary, are
compelled to salute it, "Unwelcome, little stranger!" And yet this
odious little Aphis (for which a very proper alias would be Aphis
Lawsonii) may be enthusiastically welcomed by the United Kingdom
Alliance, as a powerful ally in their warfare against the juice of the
vine. _.

consolation a la tennyson.

[For Candidates who have failed to satisfy the Examiners at the last

Oxford Examination.)

'Tis better to have shied and lost
Than never to have shied at all.

coolness in excelsis.
{At Aylesbury. Apropos of the Cabul Massacre.)
" But only silence seemeth best! "—Poet Laureate.

R3T To Cobbesponden'ts.—The Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these he returned unless accompanied

stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be kept.