Punch (77.1879)

October 11, 1879.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

165

SPORT IN A LONDON SQUARE.

ight few people
perhaps are
aware of the
existence of the
rus in urbe—so
to describe the
West End of
London — which
a contemporary
appears, from
the subjoined
announcement,
to have discover-
ed in this great
metropolis:—

"The Earl of
Malmesbuky has
arrived at his
residence in Caven-
dish Square, Lon-
don, where he has
been passing seve-
ral weeks in fishing
and shooting."

What sort of
bag did the Earl
of Malmesbuky
make, and what
sort of a creel?
Trout - fishing
has now been for
some time over,
and so has
salmon - fishing;
but if there are
either trout or

salmon"to be fished for in" Cavendish Square, the noble Lord may have caught any other fish lately in
season; and in case his Lordship has been shooting there since the~.lst inst., no doubt he has shot as
many pheasants as partridges and hares.

POLITICAL PUBLICANISM.

Is the honourable Baronet,
the representative alike of
merry Carlisle and the melan-
choly United Kingdom Alli-
ance, quite sure of the
exactness of words which,
according to a report, he
quoted as below in a speech
addressed by him one day
last week, in his usual serio-
comic style to a meeting of
the Scotch Permissive Bill
Association at Glasgow ? For
the approaching struggle at
the next Election—

" All parties were getting ready.
The licensed victuallers were get-
ting ready, and he read that at
one of their feasts they had an-
nounced as their motto ' More
liquor and less law.' "

Is good Sir Wilfrid quite
sure about the two last words
of the "Wittlers"' motto P
Will he undertake to say that
the cry of Messrs. Bung, as
originally enunciated, was not
really "More liquor and no
Lawson " ?

Omens for Old Ireland.—
The names of the Secretaries to
the "Irish National Conven-
tion ''are announced as Sexton
and Kettle. Next to Kettle
may be named Pot, to which let
Home-Rule go as soon as pos-
sible, and Sexton toll its knell.

HAPPY-THOUGHT GUIDE TO LONDON.

{Being a Dickens of a Dickshunary for the use of Visitors to the

Metropolis.)

JUNIOR ARMY AND NAVY CLUB.—Devoted exclusively to
the junior members of each Service, as the name implies. Drummer
Boys and Cabin Boys only eligible. The latter may be elected for
life-membership, when he is termed a Lite-boy. The rule as to
Drummer Boys is that they must be over fife years of age. No
Majors admitted on any account whatever.

JUNIOR UNITED. — For young married people. There are
several Junior Clubs in London, all very pleasant ones, but, out of
London, the one which deserves the name most of all is the Orleans
Club at Twickenham, which, with its gardens and lawn-tennis
grounds, is a delightful resort in June, and it is difficult therefore to
find a more June-ier Club than this.

KENNEL CLUB.—No one can be elected unless he has qualified
as " a regular Dawg." Puppies not admitted.

KEW GARDENS.—The place to spend a happy day; for how-
ever hipped you may be, when you once get here, you always feel in
Kew for enjoyment. Here you will find Kew, and also a rest. The
Gardens are entirely supported by P.Q.-niary assistance from the
Kew-rates Augmentation fund. In the summer are here heard the
first notes of the bird indigenous to the place, called the Kew-Kew.
The flower-beds are lovely, and the walks picturesque; in fact the
Kew d'ceil is enchanting, having been designed by gardeners who
have long passed the A B C of their Art, and got to Q,, and who
deserve great Kew-dos for their work. Many people prefer coming
to Kew for a day's outing, instead of Rye House, which 'Arry
says is "vmcommon Zew-n'-owi."

KING'S COLLEGE, Strand.—Built for the education of the
Royal Family. Princes half price.

LAMBETH BRIDGE—Connects Westminster (where the Car-
dinal Archbishop lives) with Lambeth (where the Archbishop of
Canterbury resides). The latter says he likes to " get a fine view
of an Eminence," and the Cardinal, in the most friendly spirit,
observes that " he wouldn't injure a hair of the Archbishop's head,
which he is glad to see is not yet Archi-bald-tete." Such little
amenities are often interchanged between the two Prelates. One
evening His Eminence was sitting down to dinner, and had just
said his Grace to himself, when a head popped itself in at the door,

and exclaimed, "That's me!" It was His Grace the Archbishop
of Canterbury. Just then the clock struck. The Cardinal paused,
counted the strokes, and then said, " Archie, you know the dinner-
hour ? Dinna forget, eh ? " His Grace instantly replied, " Eh, mon !
but it's jus£ eight.'" His Eminence perceived he meant, "Just
Tate;" and, after highly complimenting him, as a Scotchman, on his
sense of humour, invited him to dine, and gave him a glass of the
finest old crusted toast-and-water in His Eminence's cellar.

LAW COURTS.—Built entirely by Lawyers. Nobody believes
this: hence the incredulous expression, " Law yer don't say so ! "
The basement is entirely devoted to lawyers in full practice, who
are ready to attend to customers who may want a little law at any
hour of the day from ten to four. The business is conducted on
much the same plan as that of the Co-operative Stores. Anybody
requiring some law, goes in and asks for a case. It is sold gene-
rally in tins, invented for the purpose, by the celebrated Legal
Roman Just-tinny-un. The prices are—For a single opinion,
6s. 8d.; or two for 15s. 6d. Half an opinion, is 3s. id. ; a quarter,
is Is. 8c?. : but they don't make up less. You may sometimes hear
an indignant customer exclaim, "That's not half an opinion!"
and he will demand that it shall be weighed in the scales of Justice,
which are usually kept on the counter. Always examine your parcel
before leaving, to see whether they've given you Op-inions or Spanish
inions. Songs can be obtained here. Apply to the Lord Chauntseiler.

LEICESTER SQUARE.—The Babel of London, with a statue of
Shakspeare in the centre. Once a howling wilderness, now a com-
parative garden of Paradise, which ought to have been called the
Land of Baron Grant, since it was to his munificent grant of barren
land that the Square owes its present improved appearance. Here
all nations are represented, and, if an artist undertook the picture,
like Humour described by Shakspeare in Henry the Fourth, the
Square might be painted full of tongues."

LLOYD'S.—A celebrated Marine Coffee-house in the City, where
all the shipping business is transacted, a full account of the week's
doings being published every Sunday morning (Town Edition) as
Lloyd's Weekly News. The motto written over Lloyds by an
underwriter is, "Tell that to the Marines"—but this only applies
when Lloyd's won't take the risk, and they pass it on to the Universal
Marine Insurance or some other Company. Visitors to Lloyd's will
always call for the Steward and a basin—of soup, m the refreshment
room. If you feel like it, you can see a Captain of a vessel in the
luncheon room, and go for a sale, at 2.30 p.m. You may not stay in
Lloyd's unless you have business to transact, for as a German