Punch (77.1879)

November 22, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

237

In spite of Subtle1's shifts or Face's flourish,

Though phrase-fogged Druggers shout, and e'en the tongue

Of tickled humour finds it hard to grudge

The patient Alchemist the praise of skill,

The bold farceur his tribute of—a laugh !

A REALLY LIBERAL TENANT.

ppeeciative Me. Punch,

I send you two extracts
from letters of an oppressed
Irish Tenant, now owing five
years arrears of rent, at £13 a
* > year. No. 1 was sent after the

poor fellow had applied for re-
duction of rent. No. 2 is his answer to his cruel landlord's offer
of forgiveness of the arrears and a small sum in hand for quiet
possession:—

No. 1 {October).

*' I don't mean to put you to any trouble or expense in the matter. . . My
original rent was far too high ; no one could pay it." Part of the land being
" acres of that real bad land situated-" &c, &c.

No. 2 {November).

u Would you allow half the arrears, and then let me sell my good-will to
a suitable tenant ?''

And these are the men who are called unreasonable! I blush for
my class, when I subscribe myself,

Dear Punch,

An Irish Landlord.

GLORIOUS NEWS!

A Fragment of Political Romance.

*****

The Cabinet Council was over. The Ministers rose with whitened
faces. The Indian Secretary lay in a swoon with his head in a waste-
paper basket. _ No one heeded him. The First Lord of the Admi-
ralty was doing steps of the hornpipe by himself in a corner.
Thus he mastered hysterics. The other Ministers crumpled up large
sheets of official blotting-paper absently between their fingers, as
they looked out into the park shivering. All felt the crisis was at
hand, and cowered. All—except the Premier. He alone stood erect.

"The Duke will come to the City Banquet, then f " He spoke to
his Secretary.

" He will my Lord, though at some personal inconvenience."

The youthful speaker withdrew with a bow. The Prime Minister
looked keenly at his colleagues.

"Gentlemen,'' he said, passing his hand thoughtfully across his
brow, " there is nothing before us but a blaze. The Duke will light
it. He will express his usual after-dinner conviction that the

British Army is prepared to march anywhere to-morrow, at five

minutes' notice, and Europe will be kindled. I almost regret a fresh

flare so soon ; but the Elections are ahead,—and I can hit on nothing

better. "We are agreed ? "

There was a low affirmative wail. Then the thirteen greatest men

in England parted without another word.

*****

The carriages have been setting down their distinguished occupants
at the gate of the great City Banquet Hall. Slowly and with heavy
tread some of the most illustrious guests of the evening have tottered
up the richly felted stairs. The chief official in charge of the hats
has looked after them wistfully. He has been here for many a night,
but has never yet seen a sight like this. "The Ministers are^ex-
tremely depressed and unhappy! " he has murmured to himself.pj^

He is right. They are. But a cheery step recalls him to his
duties. A bright, bounding figure, jubilant with good humour,
passes him, taking the stairs lightly three at a time. There is no
mistaking this joyous apparition. It is the Prime Minister.

He has approached his colleagues now. They are huddled to-
gether, helpless, on a Persian rug. He goes up to them with the air
of a conqueror. "Good news!" he cries, triumphantly. "I have
good news! It is peace—not war! "We have a new front. "We
shan't want the Duke to-night. He isn't coming ! "

A sigh of intense relief has broken from the now flushed Ministers,
but they can say nothing. They can only shake hands all round in
grateful silence.

"Yes," continues their chief, brightly, "we shall have no blaze
—but an announcement! You stare ? I tell you, Gentlemen,
Afghanistan, South Africa, Turkey, Bismaeck, the Deficit—every-
thing, will be merged in one glorious bit of news! "

The Ministers hesitate no longer. They give a ringing cheer.
The Lord Mayor hears it five rooms off, and is startled, But the
Premier continues—

"Yes, Gentlemen," he says, "enjoy your turtle, and have no
fear for the future, for I have a glorious announcement to make—
one that will calm the country and give us life—aye—for another
twelvemonth! "

His colleagues can not cheer now. They are trembling with
excitement.

"Yes," they ask together, in husky chorus, " you are going to
announce-?"

The Premier looks at them exultingly for a moment. Then, in
a sweet, clear treble, he tells his golden secret. " I am going," he
cries, "to announce an increase in the demand for chemicals f"

AN ALPHABETICAL INSECT.

Geemant is announced to have been invaded by an enemy fit to
rank, as a destroyer of the fruits of the earth, with the Phylloxera
vastatrix and the Colorado Beetle. This noxious new-comer is a
sort of larva that preys upon the sugar-beet, of which the crops,
especially in Saxony and Hanover, are said to have suffered from its
ravages severely. It is described as the Caterpillar of the_ Gamma
Moth ; but, considering that its speciality consists in devouring beet,
some nomenclators would prefer to term it the Beta Moth. At
a meeting of the Society for the Promotion of Beet Sugar Industry,
at Halle—

" Among the best means of exterminating the pest, the caterpillar machine
was greatly approved."

At the approaching bucolic and georgic exhibition at the Agri-
cultural Hall, the inquirer will perhaps be enabled, for the first
time,,to inspect a caterpillar machine.

It is worthy of remark that, on the occasion above referred to—

" Among the greatest natural enemies of the insect the starling and the
sparrow were especially mentioned."

Make a note of this, you whom it chiefly concerns, and remember
that sparrows and starlings are useful for extirpation of a great
many other mischievous insects, besides the caterpillar of the Gamma
or Beta Moth. British farmers and gardeners, protect your feathered
benefactors, instead of proscribing, persecuting, and endeavouring to
render their species extinct.

a pair oe deawees.

" This is the Jew that Shakspeaee drew,"
Of Macexin's Shi/lock critics once could say;

"This is the Jew that London drew,"
Of Ieving's Shylock holds as true to-day.

what "the weeath " has come to.

The brows of Lord Beaconseield at Madame Thssatjd's. Punch
said it would, and it has.