Punch (77.1879)

238

PUNCH, OR THE ILONDON CHARIVARI.

[November 22, 1879.

ELUCIDATION !

Rector's Wife. " How do you do, Mr. "Wiggles ? We have not seen tod at Church lately ! Have you bben away?"
Mr. Wiggles. "Yes, Mu'm, I've been a-visitin' my old 'Aunts at Manchester, Mu'm."
Rector's Wife. " Keally ! I hope you found the old Ladies quite well."

Mr. Wiggles. "I didn't say my Haknts, Mu'm—I said my old 'Aunts—revisitin' the 'Aunts o' my Youth, you know, Mu'm!"

SOCIAL ILLUMINATION;

OR, SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OP.

scene — A central metropolitan thoroughfare on the night of a
General Illumination. Orderly Crowd in motion. Enter a Born
Briton, with his better half and daughter, accompanied by
Favourably-impressed Foreigner.

Favourably-impressed Foreigner {halting before a gas-star). Ah,
mais c'est magnifique ! Yoila ce que y admire! It is your inde-
pendence ! Each 'ouse shall light 'lmself up !

Born Briton {with pride). Yes, Mossoo, there's no use denying
it,—we're ahead of you in these kind of things. Your Shongs
Eleesay Show is all very well, hut it ain't spontaneous like this.
And then look at the crowd ! Why, a child could manage 'em!

Favourably-impressed Foreigner. How zey are bons enfants! I
admire so much your John Bull in ze street. He is quite le 'igh-life
gentlemans! I do not even perceive one of dose excellent police-
mans. {Enter Policeman X. with a rush.) Ah! Sapristi! Qu'est
que c'est done ?

Policeman X. {wedging Favourably-impressed Foreigner, his
party, and Orderly Crowd tightly between lamp-post and adjacent
area-railings). Now, stand back, will yer? {Turns round, extends
both arms, and reclines on them.) Furth-er back ! Furth-er back !

Born Briton {compressed). This is infamous! Where are the
police ?

Mrs. Bom Briton {more compressed), Police! Oh! Hoy ! some-
body, or I shall be killed! {Compression increases.) Oh, dear!—
and Angelina—Oh ! [Goes into hysterics.

Angelina. Well, I'm sure,—oh, you horrid man!

[Receives half of an impromptu backward lunge from
. Policeman X.

Favour ably-impressed Foreigner {receiving the other half). Ah!
mon Dieu ! But are we, den, brigands, that he boxe us in the chest

like dis ? Pardon, Mademoiselle !—permit me- {Struggles for-
ward.) Ha ! You assault me for nosing ! But I go to take your
letter! [Studies his collar.

Policeman X. Who are you a-talking to ? Just you stand back,
can't yer ? '0 w d'you think ' Ansoms is to git by, with you a-shovin'
in the road like this ? Stand back—I tell yer ! {Assists him to do it.)

Favourably-impressed Foreigner. But it is infame! Mon Dieu!
I tell you I sail to- [Is hustled into ?nidst of Orderly Crowd.

Orderly Crowd {sportively). Now, then, Mossoo, where did you
'ave your 'air cut last ? Go 'ome, and git your tea, will yer ? Take
away his 'at. Yah !—easy now!

[Favourably-impressed Foreigner is carried off his legs, and
swayed helplessly to and fro for some minutes.

Born Briton {jammed face to face with the area-railings). This is

disgraceful! A set of ruffians, too, who-

[Has a handful of wet flour clapped on to his mouth.

Mrs. Born Briton {terror-struck). Good gracious! Adolphus!
Help ! They 're choking him ! Police! Help! Police! {Receives
the contents of a bagful of the same, dry, on the top of her bonnet.)
Oh! Thieves ! Help ! I can't see ! Help !

[Relapses into hysterics.

Orderly Crowd {good-humouredly). Take away the old 'oman's
brandy-bottle! Lock 'er up! Yah!

Angelina {hustled ten feet off). It's disgraceful I The cowards!
Oh, if I were only a man!

Orderly Crowd {gallantly). Brayvo ! Wouldn't you give it some-
body 'ot * Tip the young lady a gobful ? [She is blinded with mud.

Favourably-impressed Foreigner {regaining his feet by a gigantic
effort, and struggling towards her). Brutales! Laches! Courage,
Mademoiselle! I sail to protect you! But these men, are they
den beasts ? It cannot to be dat dey are Anglische!

Orderly Crowd, Ain't we, though ? We '11 soon show yer!
[They squirt a pint of dirty water into his eyes, and playfully
smash his hat flat on his head as Scene closes.