Punch (77.1879)

December 13, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

"PICTURE LESSONS IN NATURAL HISTORY."

Adopted by the London School-Board ! !

Here is a frank acknowledgment by our friends of the School
Board, transferred verbatim from the advertisement column of their
own Educational organ.

May they not only take their " Little Adopted " to the water, but
succeed in making him drink.

HAPPY-THOUGHT GUIDE TO LONDON.

(Being a Dickens of a Dickensionary for the use of Visitors to the

Metropolis.)

UNITED CLUB.—A sort of Happy Family. No broils permitted.
No parties allowed.

UNITED SERVICE CLUB.—A Sunday Association for the union
of morning, afternoon, and evening services all in one, and getting
them over. A Chaplain always in attendance. First and Second
Lessons given gratis every Sunday.

t UNITED SERVICE MUSEUM.—For the exhibition of a collec-
tion of dinner, tea, and breakfast—Postal and Civil—services. Any
donor giving a service to the Museum simply writes to the Society,
and says, " My service to you," and all further formality is un-
necessary.

UNITED UNIVERSITY CLUB.—Supposed to have Russian pro-
clivities on account of its connection with the Cassock and the Don.
This error has arisen from some mistake in spelling "Cassock."
Had this bias been patent to all, the Club motto would have been
" Russ in urbe "—but it is not so.

_ UNIVERSITY COLLEGE (Cower Street).-Divided in facul-
ties—which is a pity, as it ought to be united. It is governed by
various authorities, including those who, in virtue (of their office),
are called Deans, and Vice-Deans. Fortunately, the virtuous
Deans are superior to the Vices, or the University would be in a
bad way. In consequence of there being so many Scholar-ships,
the College has a naval turn about it, as there are " boarders," and
a "Steward." If a boarder is ill, he immediately calls for the
Steward, who has to provide refreshment at a fixed price. The
Female Students wear caps and gowns.
The following is a list of the Prizes:—

Andrews Prizes — divided into two classes. Sad Andrews, for
serious subjects ; and Merry Andrews, for jocose examinations.

Prizes for Students of One Year's Standing,
la) If a Student stands for one year, he gets a prize. The prize is
a free " sitting " in Church for the next two years ; and he certainly
deserves it.

{b) If he " stands " drinks to the Students and Professors all round
for one year, he is entitled to a prize, generally a cup, of some sort,
not to hold less than a quart.

(c) If he stands on his dignity, and refuses to go in for either of
the above, he is presented with a printed form, on which he can sit
for the remainder of his natural life, if he likes.

The Fielden Scholarships.—Fox Cricketers, who have had a good
innings.

The John Stuart Mill Scholarship.—For those who have been
through the mill.

Joseph Hume Scholarships—For Hume-orous writings.

The Faculty of Medicine.—Any Student, who can back himself
successively^ and take so many private boxes of pills within a given
time, is considered to have the Faculty of Medicine, and is presented
with a testamur, representing the incident in Macallan's poem of
Horatius Cockles.

The West Scholarship—-To be gained by the Scholars who wear
no coat, only a West, and recite a poem in their shirt-sleeves.

273

UNIVERSITY OF LONDON. — A development of the above
Educational Institute, but possessing the power of granting degrees.
The degree of " Bachelor " is given to anyone who is not wedded to
a subject.

VAUDEVILLE THEATRE—In the Strand. Celebrated for its
James's powder, its Thorne, and its Tivo Roses. For nearly five years
it floated on Our Buoys, a sea-piece supplied by Mr. Byron. During
that time, whenever you visited :the theatre, there were the Buoys
and there was the Flote. Mr. James — familiarly known as
"Jimmy"—and Mr. Thorne, represented the " Jimmini" in the
Theatrical Zodiac — or the Brandy and Zodi-ac. The name of
the theatre is a trouble to Cabmen, who call it the " Wodevil," the
" Wodyweal," or the "Vordyveal"—with generally an extra
charge. "Fees" are not forbidden at this theatre, but the visitor
can give what he likes, or doesn't like, and so the instance is only

* *^QQ—yiOlYlXYMll*'*

VAUXHALL BRIDGE. — Which everyone " valks" over.
Hence the name— Valks-all Bridge.

VERULAM CLUB.—" Qualification elastic." Therefore, only a
little India Rubber is allowed in the card-room.

VETERINARY COLLEGE.—Qualification—to be able to pro-
nounce and write the name correctly—after dinner. Open Vet or
fine.

VICTORIA CLUB. — Opento anyone possessing a_ Victoria.
Every member in this Club considers himself quite chez lui, or rather
one-hovse-shay-lui.

VICTORIA PARK.—Some relation to Mtjngo Park, the cele-
brated traveller. Beautiful—well worth seeing.

WAR OFFICE.—Where Wars are made. Anyone wanting a
war—a war of words, or any other sort of war, must apply here.
The entrance is near War-terloo Place. Information as to all Wars
going on is given here to all applicants between ten and four every
day by the officials in attendance. Field-Marshals and field-glasses
to be hired by the hour on the most reasonable terms.

LORD AND PROFESSOR.

" Soon after the vacancy in the Chair of Experimental Physics, caused by
the death of Professor Clerk-Maxwell, a requisition, infiuentially signed
by a large number of members of the electoral roll who appoint the Pro-
fessor, was presented to Lord Rayleigh, to the effect that, in their opinion,
it would tend greatly to the advance of physical science, and to the advantage
of the University, if his Lordship would occupy the Chair. "We are authorised
to state that Lord Kayleigh has consented to become a candidate; and
inasmuch as the memorial was signed by a very large number of the electors,
there is little probability of a contest, so strong a feeling being expressed in
favour of Lord Rayleigh's claims."—University Intelligence, Cambridge.

"Don," they say, comes from " Dominus ;" and Dominus is Latin
for "Lord." But when | before was Lord seen in gown of Don, or
Don in robe of Lord ? The House of Cavendish has supplied Devon-
shire with Dukes^and science with discoveries ; and Boyle was the
scion of a noble House, as well as a world-renowned Chemist; but
neither Cavendish nor Boyle ever wrote himself down Professor.

Lord in the Professor's Chair—if it be only Lord by courtesy—
Cambridge till now has never seen, nor Oxford neither ; and that
Lord a Senior-Wrangler, and First Smith's Prizeman to boot!

No wonder if all competition is cowed, and an unopposed way
opened by awe-stricken candidates for Lord Rayleigh to take the
Chair! The name is of happy augury. Such blended rays of rank
and science blend in this Lord-high Professor's aureole, that he
would be more than mortal, did not his very gait proclaim his race,
—Verus et incessu patuit Strutt.' "

Street Lamps and Street Names.

An inhabitant of Cottonopolis writes to Punch to say that at
Manchester the lamps at the corners of all the leading thoroughfares
within the City boundary have for a long time had the names of the
streets legibly painted on them.

Another example to the London District Boards—and nearer home
than Geneva.

Two other London Vestries, Lambeth and Southwark, have,
Punch is glad to hear, adopted this much-needed improvement.
But as people don't j drive out much to late dinners in these regions,
the benefit of street names on street lamps does not reach this class
of'sufferers across the water.

How long will Punch have to keep "pegging away" before
all London is blessed with this simple means of enlightenment ?

Query.

Here is an oddly-worded advertisement from The Guardian .*—

PRIEST is desirous to obtain a situation as NURSERY GOVER-
t NESS or Companion for a Young Lady.

Is this merely bad grammar, or worse Ritualism ?