Punch (77.1879)

286

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[December 20, 1879.

"IT'S AN ILL WIND BLOWS NOBODY GOOD."

English Buyer. " But you ask too much for hee, Pat."

Irish Farmer. " Shtjre I couldn't let heb go for such a Thrifle, barrin' I wasn't payin' Rwt this ■year!"

A SURVIVAL AT SEA.

Such bitterly severe weather as we have recently endured consti-
tutes, even the most far-gone teetotallers can hardly deny, an excep-
tional case for an extraordinary nightcap—that is, a'good stiff glass
of grog on going to bed. Such must have been the drink which, if
whiskey was yet, Macbeth used to sleep upon in winter. He pro-
bably meant that when he desired an attendant to bid his mistress
strike upon the bell when it was ready. Grog hot and strong, with
two or three lumps of sugar in it, and a squeeze of lemon.

In the Dog-days, a new and eligible beverage would be iced
lemonade—pure and simple. That is to say, on land. But—on
board ship, and that ship H.M.S.—what then? By custom, as in
December so in the Dog-days. Hear "An Old First Lieutenant,"
in a published letter accounting for the circumstance that nearly
if not quite "all serious acts of insubordination on board ship
occur in the afternoon, and are committed by the younger hands "•—
especially on tropical stations :—

" At half-past noon every day, in no matter what climate, each man
receives a strong glass of spirits and water, and is allowed to smoke the
strongest tobacco in the world. It is not to be wondered at if some young
lad who, for months together, perhaps, never tastes alcoholic drink except at
this time, gets unduly excited, and proves refractory to some perhaps only
less excited petty superior. It would be cruel to deprive the men of their
grog altogether, but surely they might have it later in the day, when physi-
ologists are agreed it is more beneficial."

As it is, the summer drink for the British Navy, all the world
over, differs from the winter nightcap of civil life only in not being
hot and sweet, and in being a noonday instead of a nocturnal pota-
tion. " An Old First Lieutenant " suggests :—

" The Admiralty might allow ' local option ' to captains, and permit them
to defer the issue of the strong spirit to a later hour, at least when climate or
temperature renders it desirable."

To " local option," as expounded by " An Old First Lieutenant,"
who can object but either a fanatical Total Abstainer or a confirmed
Dipsomaniac ? Such option, however, might still leave Jack his

allowance of grog in the form of a nightcap. Whether that would be
good wear for the tropics, an experienced naval officer ought to
know. In the meanwhile, the existing arrangements in the Royal
Navy as to grog may be regarded as a survival of the good old times
when grog was, as Jack used to be made to say, his sheet-anchor,
when,—

" Sick or well, late or early,
Wind foully or fairly,
Helm a-lee or a-weather,
For hours together
I 've constantly swigg'd it,
And, bless me, there 'a nothing like grog !"

Nothing, doubtless, like strong grog in the tropics at half-past
twelve in the day to inebriate a young sailor, and render him
saucy and insubordinate. What wonder if Jack was, by this
means, apt to be rendered very much too tight a lad.

AN EMBARRASSING SITUATION.

Mr Punch, Dear Sir,

Might I ask your advice in the following extraordinary, and
I trust unprecedented, predicament.

I am a daily traveller to and from the City. Latterly a Lady with
a baby has invariably got into the carriage. She will talk and always
asks me to hold the baby for a few minutes before the train stops at
her destination. Of course I am liable to be seen by my acquaintances
handing the baby out to her, and as a respectable, single, middle-
aged bachelor, I confess I don't like it. I cannot change my seat for
fear of bronchitis, and if I leave the City later it interferes with
my (lining arrangements.
This has gone on now for three weeks ! What am I to do ?

Kindly inform Yours undecidedly,

Thomas Tremlet.

{Mr. Punch would recommend Mr. Tremlet to be guided by the
Clown of his Local Christmas Pantomime.)