Punch (77.1879)

288 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAKIVAKI. [December 20, 1879,

THE RULING PASSION.

The Globe (Dec. 9),
chronicling the
homeward pro-
gress of Mr. Gladstone,
thus describes the scene
at Carlisle, where the in-
exhaustible orator had
addressed an adoring
crowd from the railway
carriage :—

" The train whisked out
of the station before its
illustrious occupant had
said all he had intended to
say."

As usual we have the
play of Hamlet with
the part of Hamlet
omitted. Our chronicler
leaves out the touching
scene which followed on
this abrupt intimation
that trains, like "time
and tide," wait for no
man.—Mr. G., with half
his body out of win-
dow, pouring forth his
final promise to enthu-
siastic listeners on the
platform—"to send his
peroration on a post-
card."

A REAL GOOD CHANCE.
The following advertisement lately appeared in the Times :—

AYOUNG WIDOW, having arranged to receive three Gentlemen of
good position, as BOARDERS, in her well-appointed house, is anxious
to meet with two or three agreeable LADIES, of undeniable position, to
complete the circle, and form an agreeable home on co-operative principles.
Preference given to those musical, travelled, and young.—Address, &c.

The Young Widow is very exact as to the number of Gentlemen,
but allows a certain latitude to the supply of Ladies. The Gentle-
men are already secured : they are, as it were, on the foundation.
What is an "undeniable position"? And what are the "co-
operative principles" which are to form the motive force of this
magic circle ? A propos of the magic circle, the Young Widow, in
her anxiety to obtain an even number, and not to have an "odd
lot," seems to remember Zamiel's warning in Der Freischutz, when
Caspar wanted a certain party to complete his Charmed Circle—
"Six shall achieve! Seven deceive!" Absit omen!—or Absit
O- Woman !

A Word for a Battue.

The newspapers chronicle right seasonable donations when they
tell us—

" The Prince of "Wales has sent a present of pheasants to St. Thomas's
Hospital and a similar present to St. George's Hospital for the use of the
patients."

To the game legs and arms already in St. Thomas's and St.
George's Hospitals, the game birds presented by the Prince of
Wales are, no doubt, a welcome addition; and of course the inmates
in whose diet pheasant was admissible failed not to do justice to His
Royal Highness's benevolence. Those pheasants were the feathered
fruits of a battue. Even an old-fashioned sportsman may grant
that for once the end justified the means.

Payne against Pleasure,

" It is reported that the Eev. Dr. Payne, Vicar of St. George's, Deal, has
refused a donation of £5 from the late Mayor (James E. Lush, Esq.), on
behalf of the Deal Dramatic Club, for distribution in coals, on the ground
that he did not approve of the means by which it was obtained."—Kentish
Taper.

1 When Churchmen triumph, Heaven is lost to sight."
So sang the bard in sharp satiric strain ;
And here see Charity debarred of light,

Having to struggle through a darkened Payne.

PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOR 1880.

Special Meeting of the Meteorological Society called to discuss
" Jupiter Pluvius."

Cabinet Council summoned to consider what is to be done with
" Cetewato in London."

All ages, and especially the Middle Ages in fits over " The Knight
and the Flea."

Mr. Brisket and all the Butchers pronounce " Sweet Simplicity "
a prime cut.

On the Stock Exchange nothing done but "quotations" from
Punch's Almanack,

England and Italy hope to settle their international difficulty
(" An Innocent Offender") without an appeal to arms.

Young Hunters named " Caldecott" and." Corbould."

Thompson's Seasons nowhere : Punch's everywhere.

Question for Convocation :—Can the Son of a Bishop " adopt the
Stage as a profession" ?

The "Force" consider "Linked Sweetness long drawn out" as
good as Sausages.

The Mint busy night and day coining Threepenny pieces to meet
the enormous demand.

Punch's Almanack, 1880. Threepence.

BAD WEATHER FOR WORDS.

On arriving at Chester in his way home, Mr. Gladstone, according
to the newspapers, was received by a party of the leading citizens of
Chester, including Sir Thomas and Lady Frost. But there happened
also to be in attendance another Frost, doing, however, his utmost to
give the illustrious William not a warm reception by any means,
but just the reverse. This Frost, it needs hardly be said, was our
old friend Jack Frost, who, ubiquitous as he has lately shown him-
self in this island, necessarily made his disagreeable presence felt on
the Chester Station platform. Though of no political party, he has
offered the ex-Premier every possible opposition during the whole of
his progress ; but in similar case his welcome to the Premier would
have been equally freezing. Happily he failed to produce any
affection of the vocal or respiratory organs which would have
silenced the most wonderful and enduring of orators.

A Happy Home Cheap.

We have never seen those desiderata, Home and Happiness in
one, put up at anything like the low figure at which they are offered
in the following advertisement from the Daily Telegraph ;—

WANTED, LITTLE BOYS and GIRLS.—A Lady, 23 years estab-
lished, offers a happy HOM'E, with careful training and education.
Inclusive terms £1 12s. a month, or £-5 5s. a quarter, with clothing.—
Comfortable home for a genteel, useful young person, however backward in
her education. Terms required, £3 the quarter.

Talk of Baby-Farming—here ought to be something like very
superior "Boys' and Girls' Cultivation" on the Squeers' principle.
Parents and Guardians, make a note of—and as you value poor
children's happiness, don't take this " Lady's" offer.

Silver and Gold; or, Small Change for a Sovereign.

" If ' speech is silvern,' from crown piece to tizzy,"
Ouoth Gladstone, " a run for change who can sustain so ?"

"If 'silence is gold,' of my Sovereign," quoth Dizzy,
" I'm master, and, please my star,* mean to remain so."

* ["And Garter."-ed.]

BILDST DIGESTIVE PASTILS are doubtless most valuable, but if
you buy the "whole Bilin' " they won't produce the same satisfactory
and exhilarating effect as will PUNCH'S POCKET-BOOK for 1880, which
will believe you instantly of Three-and-sixpence.

taS To Cobbsspondbnts.—Hie Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no ease can these be returned unless accompanied by a

stamped and directed envelope. Copies ehouM be kept.