Punch: Punch (91.1886)

O TEMPORA! O MORES!" BUT VERY JOLLY, AFTER ALL!

BELLEROPHON JUNIOR;

Or, The "Minute" and the Man.

Ah ! this will fetch them. There's nothing
like attitude !
Pose made the fortune of Phidias—and
Skelt.

This will move Radical papers to gratitude,

This will make rigid Economists melt.
Bless you, you've only this role to assume
To witch the disciples of Rylands or Uumh.

Flatter myself I could do the whole lot of them,
Theseus the mighty, or Perseus the brave,

Even Apollo the splendidest pot of them;
Equal, as hero, to smite or to save.

Ah 1 at a crisis Inquiry's the plan;

Ilere is the " Minute," and I am the Man.

Minotaur, Python, Chimsera, what matters it ?

Monsters of all sorts I'm game to assault;
Whate'er the Bogey my bravery batters it,

Heroes o£ all work are never at fault.

Seeing how stirred and suspicious the Nation is,
"Stand and deliver!" must speak in my
style.

Attitude's all in the demigod line.

What do you think, gentle Public, of mine f

"PUT IT DOWN A 'WE'!"

Some classical pedant is said to have found
out—how the dickens did he do it ?—that the
Latin v should have the sound of to. Shade
of Welter Senior, what next ? Eaney great
CiESAB credited with uttering what Shak-
speare calls his thrasonical boast in the form
of" Weni, widi, wici! " Or a punctilious
Penny Reading Spouter having to declaim
about Wirglnio's f No, no ; this wile inno-
wation must be met with a werry wigorous,
wehement, and uniwersal protest.

HOW IT WAS SETTLED.

But for the moment, with Argiphont art, j Says Joseph to Jesse, " Now, what shall we
I am for playing Bellerophon's part. do "'

Triple-faced monster this modern Chimoera is;

V ile and voracious—at least so they say.
This of inquisitive heroes the era is,

So, do you see, I 'U Inquire ere I slay.
Maybe the Hydra need not have been slain
Had Hercules given him time to explain.

Yes, those old heroes were shockingly sum-
mary.

Awful tales told of this three-beaded brute;
Dare say a deal of them falsehood and flum-
mery.

How much Commission alone can compute.
Meanwhile I show I'm quite ready to cope
With frightf ullest Ogre e'er pictured by Hope.

Pst! Gee-up, Pegasus! Interrogation is
Harmless enough, but, at least for awhile,

Says Jesse to Joseph, " 1*11 leave that to you."
Says Joseph to Jesse, "'Tis true—now at
least— [East."
That wise men don't come from, but go to the
Says Jesse to Joseph, " In that case of course,
The Orient now is our only resource." _
Says Joseph to Jesse, "Our cause it may
gravel

To talk much at present, and so let us travel."
Says Jesse to Joseph, " Precisely. Ahem !
You are taking a tip from our dear G.O.M."
Says Joseph to Jesse, "Well, well, that may

be, _ . [see!"

But ice've taken a good bit besides, don't you
Says Jesse to Joseph, "All right! I'll go

pack.

Many things, Joe, may happen before we
come back! "

PTOMAINE AND TYROTOXICON.

Groan by a Gourmet.

Good gracious me! Life daily grows
More full of fears, more thick with woes.
Doctors and analysts conspire
To kill enjoyment, slay desire.
Time was when, though of course we knew
Life, like Fate's shuttle, swiftly flew,
And that we all were wicked sinners,
We did at least enjoy our dinners.
But, thanks to ye, that time is gone,
Ptomaine and Tyrotoxicon !,

These are new poisons, we are told,
(Were there not plenty of the old ?)
Developed, none can tell us why,
In cheese that's old or game that's high.
Horror! Not eat ripe cheese P Absurd!
Avoid the well-hung hare or bird ?,
It was the gourmet's greatest joy ;
Such dainties charmed and did not cloy.
But now our thoughts are fixed upon
Ttomaine and Tyrotoxicon !

Confound their new and crackjaw terms!
Bacilli and such beastly germs
Were bad enough, but as for these.
Which poison game and spoil old cheese,
And even herd in milk and cream,
They 're fiendish. Life's a frightful dream.
Of living what can be the good,
If poison lurks in daintiest food ?
Ye've paled the only light that shone,
Ptomaine and Tyrotoxicon '

Mrs. Ramsbotham says that she likes to
see so many people on the Thames going about
in " Golonders," as it reminds her of Venice.

Motto foe Admiralty.—"Unready, aye,
Unready! "