Punch (99.1890)

July 19, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

The Baron has read Oscar Wilde's "Wildest and Osoarest work,
called Dorian Gray, a weird sensational romance, complete in one
number of Lippincott's Magazine. The Baron recommends any-
body who Tevels in diablerie, to begin it about half-past ten, and

Pakallei.

Joe, the Fat Boy in Pickwick, startles the Old Lady; Oscar, the Fad Boy in
Lippincott's, startles Mrs. Grundy.
Oscar, the Fad Boy. " I want to make j our flesh creep!"

to finish it at one sitting' up; but those who do not so revel he
advises either not to read it at all, or to choose the daytime, and take
it in homoeopathic doses. The portrait represents the soul of the
beautiful G-anymede-like Dorian Gray, whose youth and beauty
last to the end, while his soul, like John Bbown's, "goes marching
on" into the Wilderness of Sin. It becomes at last a devilled soul.
And then Dorian sticks a knife into it, as any ordinary mortal
might do, and a fork also, and next morning

" Lifeless hut1 hideous' he lay,"
while the portrait has recovered the perfect beauty which it
possessed when it first left the artist's easel. If Oscab intended
an allegory, the finish is dreadfully wrong. Does he mean that,
by sacrificing his earthly life, Dorian Gray atones for his infernal
sins, and so purifies his soul by suicide? "Heavens! I am no
preacher," says the Baron, "and perhaps Oscar didn't mean
anything at all, except to give us a sensation, to show how like
Bulw.ee Lytton's old-world style he could make his descriptions
and his dialogue, and what an easy thing it is to frighten the
respectable Mrs. Grundy with a Bogie." The style is 'decidedly
Lyttonerary. His aphorisms are "Wilde, yet forced. Mr. Oscab "Wilde
says of his story, "it is poisonous if you like, but you cannot deny
that it is also perfect, and perfection is what we artists aim at." Per-
haps ; but'' we artists " do not always hit what we aim at, and, despite
his confident claim to unerring artistic marksmanship, one must
hazard the opinion, that in this case Mr. "Wilde has ' shot wide."
There is indeed more of " poison " than of " perfection " in Dorian
Gray. The central idea is an excellent, if not exactly novel, one;
and a finer art, say that of Nathaniel Hawthobne, would have
made a striking and satisfying story of it. Dorian Gray is striking
enough, in a sense, but it is not " satisfying" artistically, any more
than it is so ethically. Mr. "Wilde has preferred the sensuous and
hyperdeoorative manner of "Mademoiselle de Matjptn," and with-
out Gautleb's power, has spoilt a promising conception by clumsy
unideal treatment. His " decoration " (upon which he plumes him-
self) is indeed "laid on with a trowel." The luxuriously elaborate
details of his " artistic hedonism" are too suggestive of South
Kensington Museum and aesthetic Encyclopedias. A truer art would
have avoided both the glittering conceits, which bedeck the body of
the story, and the unsavoury suggestiveness which lurks in its
spirit. Poisonous! Yes. But the loathly "leperous distilment"
taints and spoils, without in any way subserving "perfection,"
artistic or otherwise. If Mrs. Grundy doesn't read it, the younger
Grundies do; that is, the Grundies who belong to Clubs, and who
care to shine in certain sets wherein this story will be much dis-
cussed. " I have read it, and, except for the ingenious idea, I wish
to forget it," says the Baron.

25

The Baron has seen the new, lively, and eooentric newspaper,
entitled The Whirlwind. It has reaohed the third number. "I
am informed," says the Baron, " that, on payment of five guineas
down, I can become a life-subscriber to the Whirlwind. But what
does life-subscriber mean ? Do I subscribe for the term of my life,
or for the term of the Whirlwind's life ? Suppose the Whirlwind
has to be wound up, or whirl-winded up, and suppose I am still
going on, can I intervene to stop the proceedings, and insist on my
contract to be supplied with a Whirlwind per week for the re-
mainder of my natural or unnatfaral life being carried out ? If the
contract is for our lives, then, as a life-subscriber, I should insist on
the Whirlwind remaining co-existent with me, bo that, up to my
latest breath, I might have a Whirlwind. But if the life-subscrip-
tion of five guineas is only for the term of the Whirlwind's life,
then, I fancy the proprietors, editor, and staff, that the Hon.
Stuart Erskine and Mr. Herbert Vivian, who are, I believe, the
Proprietors, Editor, and Staff of the Whirlwind, will have by far
the better of the bargain. I resist the temptation, and keep my five
pounds five shillings in my pocket, and am

Tours truly, The Baron de Boox-Woems.

OUR NEW ADVERTISEMENT COLUMN.

[All applications in answer to be addressed to the office of this journal,
accompanied by handsome P.O.O., and lots of shilling stamps, which will in
every case be retained, without acknowledgment, as a guarantee of good faith.]

URGENT CASE.—"Wanted, by a little Boy, aged 10, of
thoroughly disagreeable temper, selfish, greedy, ill-mannered,
and thoroughly spoilt at home, a good sound Whipping, weekly, if
possible. Great care will be necessary on the part of applicant in
fulfilling requirements, parents of youth in question, being firmly
convinced that he is a noble little fellow, with a fine manly spirit,
just what his dear Papa was at his age (as is very probably the case)
and only requiring peculiarly gentle and considerate treatment.—
Apply (in first instance, by letter) to Godfather, care of Mr. Punch.

TO PARENTS AND GUARDIANS-afiectionate but practioal-
minded, and anxious to find economical homes (somewhere
else) for young gentlemen who cannot get on without expensive
assistance at starting in Mother country, owing to excessive com-
petition in laborious and over-crowded professions. _ A firm of
enterprising Agents offer bracing and profitable occupation (coupled
with the use gratis, of two broken spades, an old manure-cart, and
an axe without a handle) in a peculiarly romantic and unhealthy
district in the backwoods of West-Torrida. Photograph, if desired,
of Agent's residence (distant several hundred miles away.) Excellent
opening for young men fresh from first-class public school or college-
life : who should, of course, be prepared to " rough it" a little
before making competence or large fortune, by delightful pursuit of
agriculture. No restrictive civilisation. No drains. Excellent
supply of water and heavy floods as a rule, during three months of
year, bringing on Spring crops without expense of irrigation. Very
low death-rate, most of population having recently cleared out.
Small village and (horse)-doctor within twenty-five miles' ride.
Wild and beautiful country. Every incentive to work. Rare
poisonous reptiles, and tarantula spiders, most interesting to young
observant naturalist. Capital prospect—great saying offered to
careful parents anxious to set up brougham, or increase private
expenses. Five boys (reduction on taking a quantity) disposed of
for about £250 and outfit, with probably, no further trouble.—
Address, Messrs. Shabxey and Cbimpin, Colonial and Emigration

Agents, &c._____

ONCERTS! CONCERTS!—Amateur Comic Vocalist and im-
promptu " Vamper " (gentleman born) of several years' experi-
ence in best London Society, is anxious to meet with bold and
speculative Manager who will offer him a first 'engagement. Can
sing—omitting a few high notes—various popular melodies, com-
prising, " Aunt Sarah's Back-hair," " The Twopenny Toff of
'Ighgate 'III," and " Tommy Robinson's Last Cigar," and also
play piano if required, with one finger, but prefers to be accompanied
by indefatigable friend, who plays entirely by ear, and if allowed
to smoke freely, can "pick up" any tune in a quarter of an hour.
Seldom breaks down or forgets words, except before large or unsym-
pathetic audience. Fetching comic "biz," and superlative Music-
hall "chic." Would have no objeotion to blaok face and appear at
evening parties, or in fashionable streets, with banjo (if provided
with small police escort.) Testimonials from several highly respeot-
able relatives, now in asylum, or under treatment at seaside.—
Address, with terms, the Hon. Algeenon Bbassleigh Cheekington
(or at Chimpanzee Chambers in Piccadilly, W.

Suggestion eoeRefoem in Public Schools' System.—"Absence"
should be called immediately after dinner, and then each boy,
instead of saying, "Here, Sir! " could reply, classically and Correctly,
" Adsum!" Yours truly, An Ovee-Eton Boy.

vol. xcix.

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