Punch (99.1890)

July 19, 181.0.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

35

bers wanted to know about various things ; but in Old Morality's
mind, fate of the Tithes Bill, intentions of Government touching
proposed new Standing Order, and allocation of money originally
intended for Publicans, all a blank. "We are still considering,"
says he.

"A. most considerate Government," says Wilfbid Lawsom.
"Might save time and trouble if they had at table an automatic
machine ; Members wanting to know how business is to be arranged,
what Bills to be dropped, and which gone forward with, could go
up to table, drop a penny in the slot, and out would come the
answer—" I have seen nothing; I have heard nothing." _

Seems that Hanbuey has exceptional means of obtaining infor-
mation. Old Moealiiy has privately shown him Military Eeport
with respect to Heligoland. A confidential communication, some-
thing of the kind the Maekiss carried on with the population of
Heligoland. But Hanbury straightway goes and tells all about it in
a letter to one of his Constituents; letter gets into papers. St/mmees
reads it out to House. Eagerly thirsting after knowledge on military
matters, Summees wants also to see the text of Report. Why should
Hanbuby have it all to himself? Quartermaster-General Sumsiebs

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday, July 7.—Cabinet Council on Satur-
day ; House begins to think it's time Ministers made up their
minds what they 're going to do with business of Session. But Old
Morality returns customary answer. Ministry still caref ally con-
sidering question. Meantime he has nothing to say.

" Except in respect of sex and age, 0. M. reminds me," said Albeet
Rollit, "of scene in play recently put on stage by Beebbohm
Teee—A Man's Shadow it was called. Daresay you remember.
Toby ; there's a murder witnessed through window by wife and
little daughter. They think it's their man that did the deed ; but
'twas the other fellow—the Shadow, don't you know. There is police
inquiry; mother and daughter cross-examined; believe the mur-
derer is the husband and father ; saw him do it with their own eyes ;
but of course not going to peach; little girl pressed to tell all she
knows; makes answer in voice that thrills Gallery, and makes
mothers m the Pit weep, ' I have seen nothing, I have heard nothing.' .

Never see Old would like

Moealiiy jSBPh. opportunity

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shall have a 'i n/i^ and thereby

better record " THE SHADOWLESS MAN." be enabled to

of business ,T . . T . , „ ,, „ „ . assure his

done to show ■ . . -^?s^ ^flit0* "f the Old German Romance.) constituents,

at end of L*n course of me Debate last Monday week, Mr. Dillon said, ' I was never shadowed. J even by nods

Session than the' Ministry. Bankruptcy Bill will make three
Measures to me this Session."

Irish Constabulary Vote on ; Prince Abthtje lounging on Treasury
Bench ; prepares to receive Irishry ; engagement opens a little flat,
with speech from John Ellis, oration from O'Picton, and feeble
flagellation from Elynn. Then Prince Abtht/b suddenly, unex-
pectedly, dashes in. Empty benches fill up ; stagnant pool stirred
to profoundest depths; Abthtje professes to be tolerant of Irish
Members, but declares himself abhorrent of connivance of Right Hon.
Gentleman above Gangway. Talks at Mr. G., who begins visibly to
bristle before our very eyes as he tits attentive on Front Bench.
Abthtje in fine fighting trim ; Ministerial bark may be labouring in
troubled waters; a suddenly gathered storm, coming from all
quarters, has surrounded, and threatens to whelm it; Matthews
may be sinking under adversity; the Postmen may pull down
Raises ; Goschen is gone; Old Mobaliti's cheerful nature is
being soured ; there is talk of Dissolution, and death. But if this is
Prince Abthur's last time of defending his rule in Ireland, it shall
not be done in half-hearted way. Come storm, come wrack, at least
he '11 die with harness on his back.

The accused becomes the accuser. Called upon to defend himself,
he turns, and makes a slashing attack on his pursuers, carrying the
war into their camp. Scorning the Captains and Men-at-arms, he
goes straight for Mr. G., and in an instant swords clash across the
table, and shields are dinted. Nothing more delightful than to hear
Mr. G. complaining, as he rose, and took his coat off, that Prince
Abtht/b had "dragged him into the controversy." On the whole,
he bore the infliction pretty well, and went for Abtht/e neok and
crop. Business done.—Irish Votes in Supply.

Tuesday.—"I have seen nothing; I have heard nothing."
Pathetic refrain of Old Moealiiy murmured again to-night; Mem-

and winks, that it was all right about Heligoland, was more than
they could put up with. O'Picton sat morose at the corner seat
below the Gangway. Who was Hanbury, that he should have the
advantage of studying these military documents when the grand-
nephew of Picton of Waterloo was left out in the cold, his martial
instincts unsatisfied, his knowledge of strategical points of the
British Empire un satiated ?

Another instance this of the misfortune that pursues the Govern-
ment. Little did Old Moealiiy think, when in moment of weak-
ness he showed this important document to Hanbury, what a
hornet's nest it weuld bring about his unoffending head.

Business done.—Irish Constabulary Vote passed.

Thursday.—At last Old Moealiiy has heard something and seen
something. Heard how things went on to-day in Committee on
Procedure. Worse and worse. Prince Arthur made curious
blunder for one so alert: introduced into draft Report admission of
principle that Lords might, an they pleased, refuse to consider
in current Session, any Bill coming up to them from Commons.
Haecourt saw his opportunity; used it with irresistible skill and
force. Committee adjourned in almost comatose state.

This is what Old Morality has heard from Jokim, who begins to
think that, after all, life is a serious thing. What he sees is, that
it is impossible to further delay decision about business. Accordingly
announces complete surrender. All, all are gone, the old familiar
faces—Land Purchase Bill, Tithe Bill, and even this later project of
the new Standing Order. " What, all our pretty chicks ? " cry the
agonised Ministerialists.

"Yes," said Old Morality, mingling his tears with theirs, "our
duty to our Queen and Country demands this sacrifice. But," he
added, bracing up, significantly eyeing Mr. G., and speaking in
clear solemn tones, " we reserve to ourselves absolute freedom of