Punch (99.1890)

84

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 16, 1890.

cry is uplifted, and, without looking up, men know Campbell is
making his fifteenth speech.

" On the whole," says Plunket, "I'm not sure that the hahits
of Poe's raven were not less irritating. _ It is true that on its first
arrival it hopped ahout the floor, wherein it resembles our honour-
able friend; but afterwards, having once perched upon the pallid
bust of Pallas, it was good enough to remain there. Bad enough,
I admit; but surely that situation preferable to ours, not knowing

At last Hanburt's opportunity comes! Rises slowly, solemnly, to
full height; in deep base tones, asks permission to make personal
statement. House instantly alert, and. attentive; baulked of its
fun with Patrick, here is promise of fresh larks. Hanburt, his pro-
found base notes sometimes trembling with emotion, proceeds to
unfold his story; reads long letter from Dartmouth; Members, dis-
covering that the portentous business relates to some trumpery
correspondence in the newspapers, begin to cough, shuffle their feet.

from moment to moment from and even cry " Agreed !

what particular quarter Camp- (/"""~^ ~ \ /~~\ Hanbubt stops aghast. Can

bell may next present him- <=>*^^^^^^s^ r —•C~/~J ^ —\ it be possible! "When he has

self." _ _ 'fjl||||ll||^ i -, been vindicating privileges of

Business done.—Police Bill ^^^Ks^^fe. ' \ Commons, can Members thus

obstructed. n W»l|^.J|P!i|fe. ' ) lightly treat incident? But

Tuesday. —Hanbubt came C ^jS&I^^S^^-. he will read them another

down to-day full of virtuous <^s~- ^*w7'es^ ^liflPf'lH^. j^S&ctw^'- letter, one he wrote to Lord

resolution and stern resolve. ^^~mim*^^m!>>x^_ ^^^^^^^R^k^^^^U----- ' J Dartmouth. Anguished roar

Privileges of House of Com- ^^/ffUMS^ ^^^^flp^P 'Vw-'' ^ burst forth from House; louder

mons have been struck at, and ^^lll/illl/illiM&iit^ Xfid?^ v$ ■''—"\ cries of " Agreed! Agreed I"

through him; Dartmouth, ^^^muWiW^I^Si^^^^ $ _—' Hanburt, gasping for breath,

Lord-Lieutenant of Stafford- ^^^^MM U^^^^i^^^^ aTVv ' N looks round from side to aide,
shire, has been writing tilings ^TO/yrf^H ■:>_ ^.t^y^-S^. They cannot understand ; will
in the papers ; rebukes Han- f ^ftr \ ^^BjlllSSilp^^X reaa' them another letter ;
burt, "as a Magistrate for / M%0t^\ ^^^MKv. begins; storm increases; H Air-
Staffordshire," for having /" ^^W^-'^^Viipi bust persists. Surely House
made certain speech in Com- ^^^^S^mI^^SWS^^^^^^ ^e delighted to hear his
mons about Grenadier Guards. \v i ^^^^^BHEB^ijffiwk^^^^^*! J final rejoinder to Dartmouth ?
Hanbubt hitherto said no- v- ^^^^^^I^SS^iiT^mTi^^^'hiiim ®R the contrary, House will
thing in public on the matter ; . «£||&u9E|0!jHd j^^mjmm^^^m^m^^^^ have no more; and Hanburt,
has been in communication ^^^^9^P^» j8js3§§||A\u ^Hjll^k^^^'' pained and panting, resumes
with D.UTMorin by post and /s££§f ^^""^J^^SfflBHi ^Wj^^^^T his seat, and business goes
telegram ; has boldly vindi- //iTBW^&FWa /&&J\ forward as if he had not in-
cated privileges of Commons ; / / / M3s^%!*-<1 /ftiirr terposed.
has brought the insolent Lord- /III i/f sJ^Sg^^ffl Jf Business done.—A sudden
Lieutenant to his knees; but / //1L/.j£S0^et^-^Mi!ht^J rush. All contentious Bills
till this moment has made no ^Y^aiT^^jfeftr. j»miiLjffr^T^^T'^'^ ^lTz!T^ through final stage,
public reference to the part he j^^^^^^™^^^^^^^^^-^iffife^^^ Saturday.—Session suddenly
played. Has borne, unsoothed ^^^Hj^S^*" ——^--^«r^-'j^^KB^& collapsed. "Like over - ripe
by companionship, the sorrow '1\ I n«i'T9w tree," says Prince Arthur,
of the House of Commons. ^JW^ / 4\ M MW MfWB dropping into poetry, "the
Now hour has struck; he if^iffly '^ \ / in \ Ms £ MM&r ^rult ^as ^a^en ifl a night."
may come to the front, and, fNjffl' rAN°°lUF^-f Benches nearly empty; Votes
with habitual modesty of mien, rwrr^ -~- ~^^?L — — jfcSp passing in basketsful; pro-
indicate rather than describe JaSll^^^p^jS^F^:^^^—~— _Mmf rogue next week; to-day,

the imperishable service he ^S^PS:=^TiS^^"^^/'SJ^--~ ^= practically, last working time.

hasdonetheCommons. House, Jmlr *" ' "^^^.^ f^-pjf Old Moralitt just come in,

all unconscious of what is in fj§B - ((L?^ —" fi2?& *n B?r!?e.suit; left his straw

store for it, wantons at play. hjm ^W-'s- ~ " hat in his room; off shortly

Innumerable questions on /JByiSSBIP^*1'' """^ on^ orilise jD Pandora; already

paper. Summers coming up shipped store of nautical

fresh with batch of new con- phrases. Putting his open

undrums. Patrick O'Brien hand to the side of his mouth,

"having had his attention TV. H. SMITH AS "THE ROVER OF THE SEAS." he (when George Campbell
called" to some verses by ,, „ t . t .„t?d™i>i was making one of his last

Swinburne, proposes to read " °N0E M0KE 0N B0ARD THE LuGGEB' 1 ! speeches), shouted out, "Belay

there!" Speaker pointed out that this was not Parliamentary

Ehrase. If Right_ Hon. Gentleman wanted to move the Closure,
e should do so in the form provided. Old Moralitt, standing
up, hitching his trowsers at the belt, scraping his right foot behind

him, and pulling his forelock, retorted-

"I ask your honour's pardon; but these lubbers are so long-
winded." "Order! Order!" said Speaker.

Said good-bye, wishing him luck on the voyage; at parting
pressed on my acceptance a little book; found it a copy of the
Golden Treasury Edition of Sir Thomas Brown's Religio Medici;
page 167 turned down; passage marked; read these words:—
"Though vicious times invert the opinions of things and set up a

them. House wickedly delighted at prospect of Swinburne being
haltingly declaimed with North Tipperary accent localised by com-
panionship with the Town Commissioners of Nenagh; Speaker thinks
it might be funny, but wouldn't be business ; so Patrick having
begun, "Night brings but one red star—Tyrannicide," is sternly
pulled up. Old Moralitt says he's never seen "the publica-
tion ; " has asked friends near him, and everyone says he has neither
seen, heard, nor read of it. '' The House," says the Speaker, by way
of crushing ignominy, "has no control over the poet Swinburne."

So House deprived of its anticipated lark ; all the while Hanburt,
with hands in pockets, sits staring gloomily forth, rather pitying than
resentful. House of course does not know what is in store for it;
still this trifling at the very moment when, though all unconsciously,
the Commons have been saved from contumelious outrage, racks the
soul that carries with it the momentous secret.

new ethics against virtue, yet hold thou fast to Old Moralitt."
" I will," I said; and pressing his hand sheered off.
Business done.—All.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

Invalid Touring Opportunity—Tour idea of personally eon-
ducting a party of paralytics, cripples, and other helpless invalids
on a "flying Continental trip," in which you propose including
visits to all the recognised "Cures," either by baths or drinking
waters in Europe, strikes us as quite admirable, and the further
advantages you offer in the shape of your being accompanied by six
Bath-chairs, a donkey, a massage doctor, a galvanising machine,
fire-escape, and a hearse, seem to meet the demands !of the most
nervous and exacting patients more than half way. Your provision,
too, for the recreation of your party—such an important consideration
where the nerves have been shattered and the health feeble—by the
engagement of a Learned Musical and Calculating Pig, and a couple
of Ethiopian Pashas, who can munch and swallow half-a-dozen wine-

glasses, and, if requested, remove their eye-balls, seems to offer a
prospect of many an evening's startling and even boisterous amuse-
ment; and if the Pig should have been palmed off on you by fraud,
you not having found it able to " calculate" at all, or even select
with its snout a number not previously fastened to apiece of onion,
though assisted in its selection, according to the directions, " with a
smart prod with a carving-fork," there still, as you truly say,
remains the alternative of disposing of it advantageously to some
German sausage-maker. As to the Ethiopian Pashas, if their feats,
as is just possible, shock and horrify, rather than divert and amuse
your invalid audience, you can, as you suggest, easily leave them
behind on your way, in settlement of one of your largest hotel bills.
Let us know when you start. Your " half-dozen paralytics " being
let down in a horse-box by a crane on to the boat, ought to create
quite a sensation, and we shall certainly be on the look-out for it.

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