Punch (99.1890)

October 4, 1890.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAFJVAKI. 165

THE CAUSE" AND THE EFFECT.

Mr.-moved, " That this Mass-meeting pledges itself to support the

efforts of Messrs.-- & Co.'s men, by joining the Union, and further

pledges itself to take all legal efforts to prevent anyone obtaining a job there
so long as the dispute lasts." The resolution w as carried by acclamation.

Coroner. How is it the child's father cannot get work ?
Witness. Because he has no Union card.

Coroner. Then if men do not belong to the different Trades Unions they
must starve. Coroner's Inquest Report.

ALL VERY YINE !

( With acknowledgments to the White Knight in
" Through the Looking-Glass.")

[" One of the most interesting exhibits (at the
Eoyal Horticultural Society's Grape and Dahlia
Show at Chiswick) were clusters of grapes with the
scent and taste of strawberries and raspberries, as
grown in Transatlantic hothouses."—Daily Paper.']

I 'li tell thee everything I can ;

There's little to relate:
I met a simple citizen

Of some "United State."
"Who are you, simple man ? " I said,

"And how is it you live ? "
And his answer seemed quite 'cute from one

So shy and sensitive.

He said, " I make electric cats

That prowl upon the leads,
To prey upon the brutes who raise

Mad music o'er our heads.
I also make all sorts of things

Which much convenience give ;
In fact, I'm an inventor spry,

And that is how I live.
" And I am thinking of a plan

For artificial hens,
And automatic dairy-maids,

And self-propelling pens."
" Such things are stale," I made reply,

" They 're old, and flat, and thin.
Tell me the last thing in your pate,

Or I will cave it in! "
His accents mild took up the tale:

He said, " I've tried to make
A sirloin out of turnips, and

A vegetable steak."
I shook him well, from side to side,

To stimulate his brain;
" You've got some newer dodge," I cried,

" And that you must explain."

He said, " I always willingly
Do anything to please.

What do you say to growing grapes

That taste like strawberr-ees!
They 're showing off at Chiswick now,

As I a sinner am.
Some big black Hamburgs which, when
pressed,

Taste just like raspberry jam."

So now whene'er I drink a glass

Of wine that seems like rum,
Or peel myself an orange that

Reminds me of a plum,
Or if I come across a peach

With flavour like a bilberry,
I weep, for it reminds me so
Of Chiswick's Grape and Dahlia Show,
And that 'cute man I used to know,
Who could at will transform a sloe
Into a thing with the aro-
-ma of all fruits known here below,

From apricot to mulberry.

NATIVE GROWTH.

AcooKDiNa to a case about oysters—instead
of a case, it ought to have been a barrel—
heard before Mr. Alderman WumN,—and
as the case may be still sub-Aldermanice,
we have nothing to say as to its merits or
demerits,—it appears, that in September,
1S89, the price of Royal Whitstable Natives
■was 14s. per 100; i.e., Is. Zd. for a baker's
dozen of thirteen. Though why a baker
should be allowed " a little one in," be it
oysters or anything else, only Heaven and
the erudite Editor of iVbfes and Queries
know. But, without further allusion to the
baker, who has just dropped in accidentally
as he did into the conversation between Mrs.
Bardell and Mrs. Cluppins, when Sam
Weller joined in, and they all " got a talk-
ing," it is enough to make any oyster-
lover's mouth water—no doubt the worthy
Alderman's did water,—did water "like
Wilkin !—to hear that while everybody,
including the worthy Alderman aforesaid, was

paying 2s. 6^., and 3s., and even 3s. 6(7. for
real Natives, some people were gratifying
their molluscous tastes at the small charge
of One Shilling and Threepence for thirteen,
or were getting six oysters and a half—the
half be demm'd—for sixpence. Long time
is it since we paid Is. Zd. for Real Royal
Natives. They may have left Whitstable at
that price, but they never came to our Wits'
Table at anything like that figure. Still, to
the truly Christian mind it is pleasant, if
not * consoling, to know that some of our
fellow - creatures, not generally so well-
favoured as ourselves, should have been able
to take advantage of the most favoured
Native clause in the Oyster Season of 1889.

,*# By the way, in answer to a Corre-
spondent, who signs himself " An Aetful

DuEDGER, "who wishes to LlVE out of

Town," we beg to inform him that " Beds "
is not a county specially celebrated for
oysters.

BREAKING A RECORD ON A
WHEEL!
Bbeak, break, break 1

On thy "Safety " swift, oh, " crack I "
And I would that my tongue could utter
My thoughts on the oyclist's track.

Oh, well for Meceedy, the " bhoy,"
That " records " for him won't stay;

And well for Osmond and Wood
That they break them every day.

And the " Safeties" still improve,
And their riders develope more skill;

And it's oh! for the records of yesterday 1
To-morrow they '11 all be nil!

Break! break 1 break 1

On thy wheels, oh, S.B.C.!
But the grace of Keith Falcomsb, Cobtis,
and. Keen,

Will they ever come back to me ?