Punch (99.1890)

October 18, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 185

to spare, without any excitement, or more than the usual expendi-
ture of nerve-force required, for the undertaking.

" I will, when Monsieur desires it, make up the bed for 'im," volun-
teers the military officer, towards eleven o'clock; and, as there isn't
much going on, we Bay, " All right—we '11 have it now ; " and we
disport ourselves in the corridor, while he works a sort of transfor-
mation in our Gladstone Bag compartment, which seems greatly to
dimmish its " containing " capacity. Indeed, if it were not for the
floor, the ceiling, and the walls, one would hardly know where to
stow one's packages. Le train de Luxe I know has come in, of late,
for some abuse, and some grumblers have made a dead set at it. I
don t know what their experience of a lit de luxe may have been,
but, if it was anything like mine, they must have experienced a
general feeling of wanting about a foot more room every way,
coupled with a strong and morbid inclination to kick off roof, sides,
back, and, in fact, everything, so as, somehow, to secure it.

However, the night passed, the unceasing rattle of the train being
occasionally changed for the momentary dead stillness, when it
stopped, as it did now and then, at some small place on the way, for
apparently no better reason than that of pulling the station-master
out of bed to report it. Practically I was undisturbed, except at, I
think, a place called Delle, where, in the very small hours of the
morning, a gentleman opened the door of my bedroom de Luxe, and
asked me in a voice, in which melancholy and sleep seemed to be
struggling for the mastery, whether " I had any declaration I wished
to make to the Swiss Douanes," and on my assuring him that I had
" none whatever," he sadly and silently withdrew.

Nothing further till Basle, where we ihalted at 6 a.m. for break-
fast and a change of trains, and where I was much impressed with
the carrying power of the local porter, whom I met loaded with the
Dilapidated One's effects, apparently surprised that that " was all"
he was expected to take charge of. Lucerne in a blaze of stifling heat,
with struggling Yankee and British tourists being turned away from
the doors of all the hotels, so we were glad to get our telegram from
Herr Cattani announcing that he was able to offer us rooms that he
had " disponible ;" and at 3 p.m. we commenced our carriage-drive
to Engelberg. Towards five we quitted the plain and began the
asoent. _

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

A promising series, so far, is this re-issue by Messrs. Chatto and
Windus of " The Barber's Chair, Etc.," by Douglas Jebbold ;
" Gulliver's Travels, by Dean Swift, Etc.;'" and Sheeidan's Plays.
"Etc.," in both the first-mentioned books, forms a considerable
portion of each volume. "Etc.," in the first
includes the Hedgehog Letters, which are very
Jerroldian; and in the second it means the
immortal Tale of a Tub, the Battle of the
Books, and a fragment from the Dean's corre-
spondence.

The Baron begs to return thanks for an odd
volume, one of privately printed opuscula of
" The Sette of Odd Volumes," which has been
presented to him by the Author, Mr. Waltee
Hamilton, F.R.G.S., and F.R.H.S., who has
the honour of filling the important post of
" Parodist" in the above-mentioned society or
"Sette." This little odd volume epitomises
the Drama of England within the last three
centuries in most interesting fashion, without
losing a single important point. "Why it
■ should have fallen to the lot of the " Parodist
to the Sette " to do this, is only explained by
Bound m Boards. the Sette being made up of Odd, very odd,
Volumes. What are their rules? Dothey go "odd man out" to decide
who shall pay for the banquet? Must they dine in the daytime,
because, being an odd lot, they cannot sit down to dinner at even-
tide ?

A list of the Odd members is given in the little hook ; but who
cares what, or who, the Odds are, as long as they each and all are
happy? 'Tis a pity that, in this multum in parvo of a book, the
author should have spoken disparagingly of "Glorious John." It
would be worth while to refer to Macauxat's Dramatists of the
Restoration, and to compare the licence of that age with that of
Shakspeabe's time, when a Virgin Queen,, and not a Merry
Monarch, was on the throne. And, when we come to Sheeidan's
time, how about The Duenna, and The Trip to Scarborough, which
was supposed to be an improvement on the original ? However,
puris pura puerisque puellis, as my excellent friend; Miss Maxima
De Betub observes. But one ought not to look a gift pony in the
mouth any more than one ought to critically examine a jest which is
passed off in good company. The jest was not meant to be criticised,
and the pony wasn't given you in order that you might critioally
express an opinion on its age. If a pony—a very quiet, steady
grey pony—were presented as a mark of affection and esteem to the

Baron, he most certainly would not inspect its mouth, seeing that
he would not be a tooth the wiser for the operation; but, if the
Baron had a friendly vet. or a hipposcientist at hand, he would
certainly ask him to examine the gift cob before the Baron either
drove or rode him.

Quo tendimus ? In Latium ? Verily, for the next work at hand
is Mr. Htjtton's Monograph on Cardinal Newman, which, of all the
writings about his Eminence that I've lately read, I can (says the
Baron, in one of his more severely sedate moods,) most confidently
recommend to general readers of all denominations, and of all shades
of opinion, whom Mr. Htttton may address as " Friends, Romans,
Countrymen!" That learned Theban, "John Oliioastle," has
written an interesting Biography of " The nobleBt Roman of them
all," which forms a special number of the Merry England
Magazine.

Margaret Byng, by F. C. Phillips and Fendall, is a clever
sensational story, spun out into two volumes, which can be devoured
by the accomplished novel-swallower in any two hours' train journey,
and can be highly recommended for this particular purpose. It
would have been better, because less expensive and more portable,
had it been in one volume; but the Baron strongly recommends it
for the above space of time in a train, or whenever you've nothing
better to do, which will happen occasionally even to the wisest and
best of us. The secret is very well kept to the end ; and an expert in
novel-reading can do the first volume in three-quarters of an hour,
and the next in half an hour easily, and be none the worse for the
tour de force, as he will have amused and interested himself for the
time being, will forget all about it in an hour or so, and wonder
what it was all about if at any future time the name of the book
should be mentioned in his hearing. It's the sort of book that
ought to be the size of a Tauchnitz edition, in one volume only, and
sold for a couple of shillings.

The facsimile of Dickens's MS. of the Christmas Carol, published
by Messrs. Elliott Stock, is a happy thought for the coming
Christmas, and that Christmas is coming is a matter about which
publishers within the next six weeks will not allow anyone to
entertain the shadow or the ghost of a doubt. What a good subject
for a Christmas story, The Ghost of a Doubt; or, The Shadow of a
Reason! "Methinks," quoth the Baron, "it would be as well to
register these two titles and couple of subjects before anyone seizes
them as his own." Most interesting is this facsimile MS., showing
how Dickens wrote it, corrected it, and polished it up. Though,
that this was the only MS. of this work, the Baron doubts. It may
have been the only complete MS., but where are all the notes, rough
or smooth, of the inspirations as they occurred ? Those, the germs
of this story or of any story, would be the most interesting of all; that
is, to the confraternity of Authors. There: is a pleasant preface,
lively, of course, it should be, as coming from a Kitten who might
have given us a catty-logue of the works of Dickens in his pos-
session.

"Thank you, Mr. B. L. Fabjeon," says the Baron, "for a clever
little novel called A Very Young Couple." Perhaps it might have
been a trifle shorter than it is with advantage; and, if it had been
published in that still more pocketable form which has made the
Routledgean series of portable-readables so popular with the Baron,
and those who are guided by his advice, the book would be still
better. As it is, it is clever, because the astute novel-reader at once
discards the real and only solution of the mystery as far too common-
place, and this solution is the one which Mr. Fabjfcon has adopted.
li is the expected-unexpected that happens in this case, and the
astute reader is particularly pleased with himself, because he
finishes by saying, " I knew how it would be, all along."

Baeon de Book-Wobms.

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRA.SES.

Dubing a Visit,

"Peat don't move ;" i.e., " He will be a brute if he doesn't."
" I hope I am not disturbing you;" i.e., "I don't care the least
if I am."

" What a delightful volume of poems your last is!" i.e.," Haven't
read one of them ; but he won't find it out."

" So much in your new booh that is interesting about those dear
Japanese ;" i.e., "Glad I happened to elance at that page."

"Do tell me when you next lecture. Wouldn't miss it for worlds!"
i.e., " Wild horses would not drag me there."

" So sorry you are going. Mind you come and stay with us again
very soon;" i.e., "Unless she comes without an invitation, she is
not likely to cross this threshold again."

Incompeehensible!—At the dinner given by the Loed Matoe,
a few days since, to the representatives of Art and Literature of all
nations, a linguist, who is believed to understand seventeen
languages, made a speech in the eighteenth!