Punch (99.1890)

November 1, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

207

Sniff the fetid sewer Smells—

Loathsome Smells!
What a lot of typhoid their

intensity foretells!
Through the pleasant air of
night, [blight!

How they spread, a noxious
Full of bad bacterianmotes,

Quickening soon.
"What a lethal vapour floats
To the foul Smell-fiend who
glistens as he gloats
On the boon.
Oh, from subterranean cells
What a gush of sewer-gas
voluminously wells!
How it swells!
How it dwells
In our houses! How it tells
Of the folly that impels
To the breeding and the

speeding
Of the Smells, Smells,
Smells,

Of the Smells, Smells, Smells,
Smells,
Smells, Smells, Smells—
To the festering and the pes-
tering of the Smells!

in.

See the Spectre of the Smells—

London Smells!
What a world of retrospect
his tyranny compels!
In the silence of the night
How we muse on the old
plight

Of Kensington, — a Dismal
Swamp, and lone!
Still the old Swamp -

Demon floats
O'er the City, as our throats

Have long known.
And the people — ah, the

people—
Though as high as a church
steeple

They have gone
For fresh air, that Demon's tolling

In a muffled monotone
Their doom, and rolling, rolling

O'er the City overgrown.
He is neither man nor woman,
He is neither brute nor human,

He's a Ghoul;
Spectre King of Smells, he tolls,
And he rolls, rolls, rolls.
Rolls.

With his cohort of Bad Smells !
And his cruel bosom swells
With the triumph of the Smells.
Whose long tale the scribbler tells
To the Times, Times, Times,
Telling of " local" crimes
In the gendering of the Smells,
Of the Smells: ■
To the Times, Times, Times,
Telling of Railway crimes,
In the fostering of Smells,—
Of the Smells, Smells, Smells,
Brick-field Smells, bone-boiling Smells,
Whilst the Demon of old times

With us dwells, dwells, dwells,
The old Swamp Fiend of moist climes!
See him rolling with his Smells—
Awful Smells. Smells. Smells-
See him prowling with his Smells,
Horrid Smells, Smells, Smells-
London Smells, Smells, Smells, Smells,

Smells, Smells, Smells,— [Smells ?
Will the County Council free us from these

Just Now the Chief Nile-ist in Paris.

— cleopatra.

"ENFANT TERRIBLE."

"I 'VE brought you a glass of WlNE, Mk. professor. PLBASS drink

it ! " " Vat i pefore Tinner 1 Ach, vy ? "

"Because Mummy says you Drink like a Fish, and I want to see
you-! "

THE MOAN OF THE MAIDEN.

(After Tennyson.)

Golf! Golf! Golf!
By the side of the sounding
sea; [never
And I would that my ears had
Heard aught of the "links"
and the "tee."

Oh, well for the man of my
he art,

That he bets on the 11 holes "

and the play
Oh, well for the "caddie"

that carries [pay.
The " clubs," and earns his

He puts his red coat on,
And he roams on the sandy
hill;

But oh for the touch of that
golfer's hand,
That.the "niblick" wields
with a will.

Golf! Golf! Golf!
Wh ere the "bunkers" vex
by the sea;
But the days of Tennis and
Croquet
Will never come back to me!

Oystebitips at Colches-
teb. —Last Wednesday the An-
nual Oyster Feast was held at
Colchester. ■ Toasts in plenty:
music of course. But why was
there absent from the harmo-
nious list so appropriate a glee
as Sir Henry Bishop's :—

" TJprouse ye then,
My merry merry men,
It is our opening day! "

Why wasn't Deputy-Sheriff
Beakd asked P Is he already
shelved ?

SEEING THE STARS.

The following paragraph appears in the
columns of the Scottish Leader:—

"Those who were out of doors in Edinburgh at
three o'clock on Saturday morning were startled by
the appearance of a brilliant meteorite in the
northern hemisphere. Its advent was announced
by a flash of light which illuminated the whole
city. A long fiery streak marked its course, and
remained visible for more than a minute. At first
this Btreak was perfectly straight, but. after it had
begun to fade, it broke into a zig-zag."

The phenomenon so graphically described,
though remarkable, is not, we believe, in the
circumstances, entirely novel. Perhaps it is
noteworthy as coming a little early in the
year. We understand that on New Year'sDay,
'' those who are out of doors in Edinburgh at
three o'clock in the morning," are not unfre-
quently startled in somewhat similar manner.

The Toothebies.— " Tooth's Gallery"
always strikes us as a somewhat misleading
appellation. It always appears to have more to
do with palates than pictures, and to be more
concerned with gums than gold frames. No
doubt the head of the firm of Messrs. Arthur
Tooth and Sons is a wise Tooth, so let him
christen his gallery the " Arthuraasum." He
is a Tooth that you cannoi stop, he is always
coming out, and this autumn he comes out
stronger than ever with a most interesting
and varied collection. Excellent examples you
may find of J. B. Burgess, J. C. Hook,
Bastien Lepage, Tadema, Vicat Cole, Peter
Graham. Millais, Leader, C. Calthbop,
Marcus Stone, and other notables.

THE LAST OP " MARY'S LAMB."

["A firm in Sydney have completed arrange-
ments whereby frozen sheep or lambs can be de-
livered at any address in the United Kingdom."]

Mary had a little lamb,

Which she desired to send
Across the mighty ocean as

A present to a friend.
That friend was partial to lamb chops,

Likewise to devilled kidney ;
So friendly Mary promptly went

Unto " a firm in Sydney."

That firm replied, " the lamb we '11 send

By parcel to your cousin ;
That is, if you do not object

To have your darling frozen."

Then Mary wept. She said, " My lamb

Has wool as white as snow;
But packed in ice ? It don't sound nice,

No, Sydney Merchant, No!
'' Refrigerate my darling! Oh!

It makes my bosom bleed.
Still, go it must. I think you said,

' Delivery guaranteed!'"

So Mary's lamb the ocean crossed

By " Frozen Parcel Post; "
And Mary's Cousin said its chops

Were most delicious—most.'

Moral.

Science, though it pays "cent, per cent.,"

Is destitute of pity;
And makes hash of the sentiment

Dear to the Nursery ditty.