Punch (99.1890)

208

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Novkmbeb l, 1890.

ROBERT AS HUNIPIRE.

I was a takin of my
favrit walk, larst Friday
was a week, from Charing
Cross round to my own
privet residence in Queer
Street, when a yung lad
tapped me on the sholder
and said to me, "Please.
Sir, are you the sillyhrated
Mr. Robert, the Citty
Waiter?" In course I
replied, "Yes, most sut-
tenly;" when he said,
"Then this yere letter's
for you, and I wants a
emediat arnser." Conceal-
ing my wisihel estonish-
ment, I took him hup
Healy Place, where the
werry famous Lawyer
lives, as can git you out
of any amownt of trubbel,
and then opened the letter,
and read the following
most estonishing words,
wiz.: — " Mr. Robert, —
can you come immediately

to the-Club, as you

alone can decide a very
heavy wager that is now
pending between two Noble
Lords who are here await-
ing your arrival. You will
be well paid for your
trouble. The Bearer will
show you the way.—J. N."
I eoud learn nothink from
my jewwenile guide, so I
told him to lead the way,
and off we started, and
soon arived at the Club.

I need ardly say that,
being all quite fust-rate
swells, they receaved me in
the most kindest manner,
and ewen smiled upon me
mostfreely, which in course
I felt as a great comple-
ment.

One on 'em then adrest
me sumwot as follers,
"I'm sure, Mr. Robebt,
we are all werry much
obliged to you for coming

so reddily at my request,"-

At which they all cried, " Here !
here!" "You of coarse under-
stand what we wish you to do."
To which I at once replide,
" Quite so, my noble swells."
At which they all larfed quite
lowd, tho' I'm sure I don't kno
why. He then said that it was
thort better not to menshun the
names of any of the Gents pre-
sent, and he then presented me
with a little packet, which he
requested I woud not open till I
got home, and then proseeded to
xplain the Wager, somthink like
this. Two of the noble Lords
present, it apeared, had disagreed
upon a certain matter, and, want-
ing a Humpire of caracter and
xperience to decide between them,
had both agreed to a surgestion
that had bin made, that of all
the many men in Lundon none
coudn't be considered more titter
for the post than Mr. Robert, the
sillybrated Citty Waiter!

I rayther thinks as I blusht
wisibly, and I knos as I bust out
into a perfuse prusperashun, but

PHILOMELA AND AQUILA.

[It is stated that Madame Path presented Mr. Gladstone with a box of voice lozenges.]

Patti, take, Patti, take, Grand
Man I

Give him voice lozenges soon as you can.
Pack them, address them, as neat as can
be,

And courteously hand them to W. G.!

Mellifluous Nightingale, melody's source
Our Golden (mouthed) Eagle hath grown

a bit hoarse;
But though Aquila's husky with age and

long fights,
His sweet Philomela will set him to-
rights.

A cough-drop, a lozenge, a jube-jube,
from you,

His larynx will strengthen and lubri-
cate too. [pipe again yet;
His old "Camp Town Races" he'll
Nay — who knows ? — with you may
arrange a duet!

The eagle is scarcely a song-bird, but
still, [gale's trill!

He may have a good ear for the nightin-

Fair Philomel comes to old Aquila's aid!!!

Faith! the picture is pretty, so here 'tis
portrayed ?

CLEOPATRA IN PARIS.

The true History. Queen Cleopatra dying from the effects of several Bites of
Asp-aragus. Or is it truer that Queen Cleopatra died from eating too
much of something " En Aspic " ? Ask Sardou, Sara, & Co.

I didn't say a word, but
pulled myself together as
I can ginerally do when I
feels as it's necessary to
manetane my good cha-
raekter. He then said,
The question for you to
deside is this: At a great
and most himportant Din-
ner that is about to be held
soon, at which most of the
werry grandest swells left
in Lundon will be present,
we intends to hinterduce
'The Loving Cup;' not,"
he added, smiling, "so
much to estonish the na-
tives, as to stagger the
strangers. The question,
therefore, that you, as the
leading Citty Waiter of the
day, nave to settle, is,
How many of the Gests
stand up while one on 'em
drinks?" Delighted to
find how heasy was my
tarsk, I ansers, without
a moment's hezzitation,
"Three!" One on 'em
turned garstly pale, and
shouted out,'' What f or ? "
To whioh I replied, " One
to take off and hold up
the cover, the second to
bow, and drink out of the
Cup, and the third to pro-
tect the Drinker while he
drinks, lest any ennemy
should stab him in the
back."

The garstly pale Gent
wanted to arsk more ques-
tions, but the rest shouted,
"Horder! Horder!" and
the fust Gent coming up to
me again, thanked me for
what he called my kindness
in cumming, so I made 'em
my very best bow, which
I copied from a oertain
Poplar Prince, and took my
departure.

Being, I hopes, a man
of strict werassity, I never
wunce took ewen so mueh
as a peep at the little packet
as the Gent gave me, but I couldn't
help feeling ewery now and then
to see if it was quite safe, which
of course it was, and ewen when
I reached my umbel abode, I still
restrained my natral curiossity,
and sat down, and told my wun-
drus tail to the wife of my buzzom,
and then placed the little packet
in her estonished ands, which she
hopened with a slite flutter, and
then perdoosed from it Five
Golden Souverings ! If any other
noble swells wants another Hum-
pire on the same libberal terms,
let 'em send to Robert.

At the Alhambra. — Claude
Duval, a new monologue, musio
by Edward Solomon. Mr. Frank
Celli has to " stand and deliver"
the lines of Messrs. Bowyer and
Morton. As the description
"monologue" is not suggestive
of music, why didn't the authors
invent a special name for the
entertainment, and call it the
" Solomonologue." ? Most ex-
pressive.