Punch (99.1890)

222 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 8, 1890.

A MORNING CALL.

The Vicar. "And what's tour Name, m dear?" Child of (he Period. "Well—you ought to know I You Kwistbned me!"

THE REAL GRIEVANCE OFFICE.

{Before Mr. Commissioner Punch.)

is well attended by the men of my company. This entails, as you
may imagine, time and trouble.

The Com. May I take it that it is less difficult to command
Volunteers than Regulars ?

An Officer of Volunteers introduced. off That is a matter of opinion. If a Volunteer officer can bring

The Commissioner. Well, what can I do for you, Captain ? j to bear his social position (for instance, should his men be his

Officer of Volunteers. Hush, Sir! If you were heard to give me tenants, or in his employment), he may find the task of command

my military rank, you would, be the cause of covering me with an easy one. Bat should the battalion to which he belongs be

ridicule! I composed of that large class of persons who consider "one man

The Com. Ridicule ! Are you not a Captain ? j as good as another, and better," no little tact is required in

Off. Certainly, Sir. I hold Her Majesty's Commission, and am keeping up discipline. Besides this, he starts at a disadvantage.

supposed to be one of the defenders of the country. ! Every retirement from the regiment means the loss of an earner of

The Com. Then why should you not be credited with the rank to

which you are entitled ?

Off. Because, Sir, I am only a Captain of Volunteers.
'Ihe Com. Bat surely the British Army is composed entirely of .

Volunteers ? _ The Com. Am I to understand then that the cost of a battalion

Off. That is the national boast, Sir. But then, you see, I receive

no pay.

2 he Com. Which does not prevent you from working ?

Off. On the contrary, Sir, nearly all my leisure is devoted to the
study of what I may, perhaps, be permitted to call my supplementary
profession,

the capitation grant; and as the maintenance of a Volunteer corps
is an exceedingly expensive matter, a "free and independent
private " feels that if he withdraws, or is forced to withdraw, his
officers are practically the pecuniary sufferers of the proceeding.

falls upon the commissioned rank ?

Off. Almost entirely. The officers have generally to pay a heavy
entrance fee, and subscription, and must, if they wish to be popular,
contribute largely to prize funds, entertainments, and the cost of
" marching out." Besides these charges they have to be particularly
hospitable or benevolent (either word will do) to the companies to
The Com. What are your duties ? which they specially belong.

Off. Almost too numerous to enumerate. Before I received my The Com. Well, certainly, it seems that an Officer of Volunteers

Commission, I had to undertake to make myself profioient in every-
thing appertaining to the rank to which I was appointed. This
entailed a month's hard work (five or six hours a day in the barrack-
square), at one of the Schools of Instruction.

The Com. Well, let us suppose that you have become duly qualified

has many responsibilities—what are his privileges't

Off. Only one is officially recognised—the right to be snubbed!
The Com. And the result ?

Off. That there is scarcely a corps in the kingdom without vacancies.

Men nowadays, fail to see the fun of all work and no pay, play,
to command a company—what next ? I or anything else. This very week a meeting is being held at the

Off. Having reaohed this point, I find myself called upon to work ! Royal United Service Institution, to consider what can be done to

as hard as any Line officer on full pay. True, I have not (except
when the battalion is camping out, or taking part in manoeuvres),
to trouble myself with matters connected with the Commissariat, but
in every other respect my position is exactly analogous to my
brother officers in other branches of the Queen's Service. I have to
attend numerous drills, and perform the duties, at stated, intervals,
of the Orderly Room. Besides this, I have to see that every parade

advance the interests of the officers—another word for the interests
of the whole force.

The Com. You have my sympathy, and if I can help you-

Off. Not another word, Sir. The good services of Mr. Punch
for the last thirty years are appreciated by all of us, and we know
we can rely upon him as confidently in the future as we have done
with good reason in the past. [ The Witness then retired.