Punch: Punch (101.1891)

August 1, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

57

Only an Attent, and, as it were, compla-
cently Antieipative Visage, of an osseous and
ogreish Aspect, gleamed lividly forth there-
from, as the Apparition appeared to Look and
Listen through the Mist at one end of the
Bridge for the welcome Sight of Disaster, the
much desired Sound of Doom. A shrill
and sibilant Metallic Shriek seemed to cleave
the Shadows into which the Spectre gazed ;
a Violent Vibratory Pulsation, as of thudding
iron flails threshing upon a resonant steel
floor, seemed to beat the Roadway, shake the
Bridge, and as it appeared to me to widen
the levin-like Cleft or Crack which disfigured
the Arch thereof.

Then did I quake inwardly and breathe
short. " What, 0 Genius," I cried, " signi-
fieth the Spectre, who thus sitteth On the
Bridge, what forebodeth the Aspect of eager
Anticipation, and for what doth he so gloatingly
and expectantly Wait ? "

"This," responded the Genius, gravely,
"is Insatiate Death waiting for Inevitable
Accident! "

I gazed with inexpressible melancholy upon
the unhappy Scene. At length said I, "Show
me now, I beseech thee, the Secrets that lie
hid under those dark Mists which cover the
regions to the right which you suggest are
the realms of Monopoly and Muddle." The
Genius making me no Answer, I turned about
to address niyself to him a Second time, but
I found that he had left me. I then turned
again to the Vision, but instead of the
Roadway, the arched Bridge and the Attent
Anatomy, I saw nothing but my own parlour,
and my wife Mary picking up the Bradshaw's
Guide which had fallen from my sleep-relaxed
hand.

* * # *

On that particular Saint Monday I took,
not as I had intended, a Railway Excursion
to Rural Parts, but, telling Mary—to her
manifest concern—that I had Altered my
Mind as regarded our Holiday, I betook
myself to the "Blue Boar" at"the corner,
and passed the day in Safety—and Solitary
Smoking ! Next morning, however, I read
something in the papers which led me to
believe that Railwaydom Aroused meant ex-
orcising and evicting that Sinister Spectre,
"regardless of Cost; " and I shall look for-
ward to my next Holiday Outing with a mind
Relieved and Reassured.

BLACKFRIARS TO SLOANE SQUARE.

The man who got in at Blackfriars
Was smoking the foulest of briars,

But it went out all right—

Could I give him a light ?—
Hadn't got one—weU, all men are liars.

I've frequently
noticed the
Temple
Is a place there
are not enough
rhymes to ;
And that's why
I've made
This verse
somewhat
blank,
And rather dis-
regarded the
metre.

How do you pronounce Charing Cross ?

It's a point where I'm quite at a loss.
Some people, of course,
Would rhyme it with "horse,"

But I always rhyme it with " hoss."

A woman at Westminster Bridge
Had got just a speck on the ridge

Of her Romanesque nose.
" It's a black, I suppose,"
She observed. „ Then it flew — 'twas
midge.

One man from the Park of St. James,
Had really the loftiest aims ;

In the hat-rack he sat,

Used my hair as a mat,
And when I demurred called me names.

I bought from the stall at Victoria
A horrible sixpenny story, a

Book of a kind

It pained me to find
For sale at our English emporia.

I found when I got to Sloane Square
That my ticket was gone ; my despair

Was awful to see,

Till at last to my glee
I looked in my hat—it was there !

'LLL-LUMINANTS !

[" Sir E. Watkin is about to introduce the
Electric Light on the summit of Suowdon." —
Daily Paper.]

Jusx started up Snowdon by Sir E. Wat-
kin's combined Galvano-Electric and Pneu-
matic Despatch Line, from Llanberis. Goes
nearly to top. What a blessing ! Saved aU
the bother of the mount. Go in tennis-shoes,
as I'm told there 's next to no climbing to be
done.

Splendid day for view. Comfortable car-
riages. Hullo I what's this ? Eind myself
suddenly shot into a mountain tarn. A
Yankee would call it " tarnation cold." Get
out dripping. Guard of train explains that
'' battery must be rather too strong this
morning." Train put on line again. Up we
go ! Shivery. If 1 'd known this sort of
thing went on, I'd have brought towels.

At Terminus, three-quarters way up, in a
bleak and exposed crag, plastered with adver-
tisements. Day not quite so glorious. Eog
coming on. Or is it "Scotch mist?" But
what has a Scotch mist to do in Wales ? Ask
engine-driver's opinion. He has none. '' Then
which is the way up ? " Doesn't know. uIIis

HER VIOLETS !

She gave them to me when the dance was
done,

Her eyes all lighted with the ecstasy
Of triumph in the crushing contest won,

Of all the joy of
girlish vic-
tory.
She gave them to
me as we
mounted up,

With all the
bold effront-
ery that dares
To face the aged
ones, who've
come to sup,

And sidles off to
alcoves on the
stairs.

She gave them to '
me, but some
sprays, I
know,
All dying then,
as though
life's _ task
were laid

To rest within that burning breast of snow ;
And there the last great debt of all were
paid.

She gave them to me, and my heart did beat,
As o'er my hope a greater promise came,

And up the narrow way with steps so fleet
She went, though 1 remember'd not her
name.

She gave them to me, and I vow'd that they
Should lie upon my heart till years had fled,

Till, passing throughlife'snarrow, thorny way,
They 'd rest with me when life's own leaves
were dead.

And thus I spoke, and then we wrote the deed,
With f ervid seal upon the heart's own slab—•

Alas ! alas! how memory runs to seed !—
I left her Violets in a beastly cab !

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

Water Supply.—Yes, we have read about
way is down." Must speak to Sir E. W. about I the quantities of poisoned fish floating in the

engine-driver.

Ascent continued. Leads down-hill. Curious.
Sound of dashing waterfall close by. 3fitst
see it. Turn round a corner. No waterfall
at all, only the Electric-Light-generating
station! Noise I heard was the "machinery
in motion." Query—does an iron shed with
chimney pouring out factory smoke, add to
charms of wild scenery ?

More surprises! Find an '' Automatic
Delivery " pillar! Curious sight on a moun-
tain. Put a penny in, and you get a small
book—Guide to Snoicdonia. Thanks! But
what I want is a guide to top. Eog worse
than ever. Believe I've missed nry way.

Five hours later.—I had. Shoes utterly
worn out. Awfully tired. Hit on top by
mere accident. Resting in new hotel. Scrump-
tious, but dear. Don't care ! Electric Light.
What system? Waiter says "Brush."
Must be 'air-brush up here, I fancy ! Any-
how no good in a fog. Shall suggest fog-
horn to Sir E. Watkin" for thick weather.
Also guides waiting at Crag Terminus.
Bottle of beer. Divine ! View ? None, and
don't want any. More beer. Electric Light
better than I thought. Electricity is life.
Electricity is also beer. More beer, please!
Waiter asks "if I sleep at top ? '' Beds

river somewhere near the "intake" of the
Water Companies, and agree with you that
under such circumstances the pretence of
supplying a drinkable fluid is somewhat of a
"take-in." But surely it is hardly necessary
to adopt the extreme step you contemplate,
of stationing an expert Thames fisherman at
the side of your cistern night and day, in
order to catch any fish that may come through
the pipes. The Companies' filtering system
may not be worth much, but it ought to be
able to keep out something under the size of
a whale.

Holiday Travelling.—You say that
recent disclosures about Railway Bridges
have made you nervous. The plan of per-
sonally inspecting every bridge your train
will pass over on your way to Scotland is
an excellent one, if you have time for it.
Possibly also, a Railway Manager might
agree to put a specially light engine to your
train. As you say you are going to take a
couple of tourist tickets, third class, it would
probably pay him well to make any little
alteration of that kind.

Impecuntosity. — We cannot help you.
Reading the Riot Act and then assaulting
them with a poker is not the best way of
getting the Bailiffs out of a house. Try

only two guineas a night. Of course 1 do ! i gentle persuasion. If you have recently had

Then shall he wake me for sunrise ? " He'd
better not. Goo' night! Sowdn — mean
Snowdn—great sksess.

a case of black typhus in the house, you
might mention the fact to them, and see
what they say.