Punch: Punch (101.1891)

60

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 1, 1891.

discordant note. He has, he says, listened with interest to the
able speech of the Hon. and learned Gentleman, the Member for
North Longford. There must be a division for desency's sake ; but
only 150 Members turn up, and no one would have been greatly
surprised if Prince Arthur
and Tim Healy had walked
off arm in arm into the same
lobby.

" Shade of me departed
frind, Joseph Gillis," said
Lalor, wearily rising to go
forth to the division, "what
d 'ye think of us, suppose this
night you chance to be looking
down from whatever answers
with you to the Strangers'
Gallery, where you used to
betake yourself after being
suspended ? "

Business done.—Irish Yotcs
in Committee of Supply.

Tuesday. — The alliance,
offensive and defensive, estab-
lished between the two Houses
of Legislature by Lord Dex-
man and Mr. Atkixsox been
temporarily blighted by ma-
chinations of the enemy. Lalor's Lament.
Dexmaxt, the other night, wanted to move for return showing how
many times he had been in attendance. House said it didn't
particularly care to know. Dexmax insisted ; then the Markiss, as
usual, appeared on the scene, and moved that Dex*max shouldn't be
heard for remainder of sitting. Dex'HAX, never at loss in Parlia-
mentary strategy, wanted to move that the Markiss's motion should
be put from Chair on that day ten months. But Lord Chancellor,
well known to be in league with the Markiss, promptly put question.
Before Dexmax knew where he was (a not unfamiliar access of
haziness) Motion put, declared to be carried, and he condemned to sit
silent for rest of evening.

Same tactics, slightly varied, carried on to effacement of other
wing of allied forces. Atkixsox wanted to put question to Jokim
about his Coinage Bill. Took some pains in framing it ; handed it
in at table ; next day question appeared on paper shorn of its
oratorical excellencies.

" How is this ? " says Atkixsox, addressing the Speaker.

" Question full of errors," Speaker explained.

"Will the flight Hon. Gentleman kindly state them?" said
Atkixsox. folding his arms, and looking triumphantly round the
House. Had the Speaker now. He would go into particulars.
Sure to leave opening for master of argumentative tactics ; Atkixt-
sox would dart in and pink him amid applause of Senate. Public
business might be delayed, but what of that ? House liked intel-
lectual treat.

Speaker, however, not so unwary as he looked. Took no notice
of Atklxsox's inquiry ; went on to next business. Atkixsox- wrote
to Clerks for explanation. No reply ; so to-day gives notice of Vote
of Censure on Speaker and Clerks.

" Sorry to be driven to this course, dear Toby," he said, when I
ventured to remonstrate wdth him on his remorseless career ; '' have
the greatest respect for the Speaker; shrink from depriving the
Clerks at table of means of livelihood. But an example must be
made. Effect not confined to walls of this Chamber. My Motion
of Censure on the Speaki-ir will strike terror to the House of Lords,
and go long way to deliver my noble friend Dexmax from thraldom
under which a too sensitive nature lies bound hand and foot. The
House need apprehend no inconvenience to the course of public
business. Last night, in response to a bait artfully thrown out by
Mr. Timothy Healy, I felt it my duty to rise in my place and
announce that nothing would induce me to take office under the
Crown. But in the matter of the Speaker, I shall recognise my
personal responsibility, and when, in consecpience of my Motion of
Censure, he withdraws into private life, / will take the Chair."

Business done.—In Committee of Supply.

Thursday. — Haven't seen Seymour Keay lately. Report in
House is, that he has been close and interested attendant on
Cathcart case. Rumour receives some confirmation from circum-
stance that to-day, Cathcart case concluded, Keay suddenly turns

Irelaxd to say so. Accordingly smiled on Tim with pitying air of
superiority. " Couldn't understand what the Lords meant by their
Amendment ? "Well, well; surprised at such confession from one of
Tim's acuteness."

Prince Arthur all the while turning over Amendment; at length
interposed. "The Hon. and learned Gentleman opposite," he ob-
served, "asks for an explanation of this Amendment; I frankly
tell him I cannot give it. I don't understand it myself, and as it
would be undesirable to include in the
Act a provision that might lead to
controversy, we will strike it out."

"And thus are our laws made!"
said Shiress Wills, throwing out his
hands in astonishment.

Certainly a narrow escape. It was
after this that Keay's patent-leather
boots glistened on the floor of House
as he walked up to take seat below
Gangway. Determined to make up
for lost time ; led astray in all direc-
tions ; Speaker called him to order
with increasing sternness ; Hexxiker
Heatox- asked if he might move that
for rest of Session he be no longer
heard ; Speaker evidently sorely
tempted; here was a short sure way
out of the difficulty. Faltered a
moment, then rose heroically to sense
of duty ; put aside proposal, and
Keay went on again for another half-
hour. "A long rigmarole," Jokim
called the speech. This not Parlia-
mentary, but no one objected.

Business done.—Land Purchase Bill
got ready for Royal Assent.

Friday.—Nothing can exceed Mor-
tox's obliging disposition ; talked for
half an hour just now on subject of
fortune-tellinor. Members can't pre-

vent Alpheus Cleophas f rom making l( ^ are om. ^ made, „
speeches, but they needn t listen : so

kept up lively conversation whilst Alpheus talked to Cleophas.
When he sat down, it appeared he had desired that his remarks
should reach ear of Home Secretary; concluded by asking question ;
Matthews unwarily protested, that, owing to noise in House, he had
not been able to catch the drift of the Hon. Gentleman's remarks.

" Oh, very well," said Alpheus Cleophas, "I '11 repeat them."

" No ! no ! " Matthews almost shrieked.

"No trouble at all," said Alpheus Cleophas, and he set off
again, making his speech once more. Business done.—Very little.

FOR THE BENEFIT OF ZOILUS.

Shakspeare speaks of " the maiden virtue of the Crown." And
the word "maiden" bears, in certain constructions, the meanings,
"fresh, new, youthful, &c." But when Mr. Punch, comparing
generally " Fifty Years Syne" with To-day, says :—

"Then Her Majesty, a Maiden Queen, fresh graced the Throne,"

"A Septuagexariax " acidly objects, and twits Mr. Punch with
premature failure of memory. "Aha! I know that man!" says
Mr. P. Mr. Punch, of course, merely meant that about fifty years
ago Her Majesty was a very youthful Sovereign. Moreover, the
comparison made between " Then and Now" was not intended to be
confined rigorously to " July 17, 1841," as is shown in the previous
stanza, which says :—
" Then Tom Hood could sing that Song which moved a world to tears,"

meaning " The Song of the Shirt," which, as explained in a foot-
note, was not published until 1843. Had Mr. Punch written
with the fear of Zoilus before his eyes, he might have appended
another foot-note, to explain—for the benefit of Zoilus—that he did
not mean to convey the idea that Her Majesty Avas unmarried when
he first made his appearance. Whereto the reply of the Public—all but
Zoilus—would probably have been, " Whoever supposed you did f "

" Thex You'll Remember Me!"—Anion? the names of those
who. within the last ten years, have done good work for Mr. Punch
up full of spirits and valuable information. Subject (Land Purchase j ought to have appeared that of Mr. Savtle Clarke, whose cri du
Dill bauk from Lords) particularly attractive to him, since it h\cozur from foreign shores has reached Mr. P.'s ears and touched

bristling with obscurities. Once, when a Lords Amendment sub-
mitted, Tim Healy asked what it meant. Mabbext sprang up with
reassuring alacrity and said a few words, apparently of explanation.
Didn't clear up anything; Tim insisted on wantinsr to know, you
know: Mabbex nervously read rind reread Amendment'; couldn't
make head or tale of it, but wouldn't-do for Attorxey-Gexeral for

Mr. P.'s heart.

L'Exyexte Corbiale.—A portion of the French Fleet is soon to
be entertained on English shores. The first of these vessels sighted
as it approaches will be sufficient evidence of their French ship
towards us.

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