Punch: Punch (101.1891)

186 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 17, 1891.

OUR COMPATRIOTS ABROAD.

"And how did you like Switzerland?" "Oh, immensely! It was our First Visit, you know!"
"And did you go on into Italy?"

"Well, no. We found a Hotel at Lausanne where there was a first-rate Tennis-Lawn, you know—quite as good
as ours at Home. So we spent the whole of our Holiday there, and tlayed Lawn-Tennis all day long ! "

FAMILY TIES.

["The journal (the Grashdantn) is of opinion that in making common
cause with the other European Powers against China, Kussia would but serre
the ends of . . . England to the prejudice of her own interests, which demand
that she should not jeopardise the security of her Asiatic shores, or contribute
to the complete ascendancy of Great Britain in the Pacitic Ocean, by arousing
the antagonism of China."—Times.']

Muscovite loquitur:—

" Won't you help me bind the Dragon?" says the Briton to the Russ.
Oho ! ingenuous Johnny ! I'm opposed to needless fuss,
And have other fish to fry—say near the Oxus ! Not a hang
Do I care for what may happen on the great Yang-tse-Kiang.

I approve Non-intervention. 'Tis your favourite doctrine, John,
And you stick to it so closely, and that's just why you get on.
If you think that Dragon's dangerous—I hold 'tis but his play !—■
There's but one thing you've got to do—clear out of the brute's way.

I am sure he doesn't want you where you've staved a deal too long ;
He wishes you would up and go to—well not to Hong-Kong,
But the natural home of all such " Foreign Devils," in his view.
Why, he's none too sweet on Me, John ; is it likely he'd like you ?

Clrattez le Russe—et cetera. You are mighty fond, J. B.,
Of quoting that stale epigram. You fancy it riles me.
Not a bit of it, my Briton ; Tartars have a thickish skin,
And your foe and I are neighbours, nay a distant sort of kin.

The Mantchus and the Romanoffs are not exactly chums,
And a Tartar insurrection, when that little trouble comes,
As it may do if you press too much at Pekin, well, who knows P
There is always something pleasing in the quarrels of one's foes.

The Mantchus miss a many of once subject Tartar tribes
Who have—gravitated Russwards. Little call for blows or bribes
To make blood-relations mingle. On the Mantchus this may jar,
But we've not forgotten Kuldja, and we recollect Kashgar.

Wheels within wheels, dear Johnny ! As to missionaries, well,
They are troublesome—and useful; but to put things all pell-mell
On account of priests and parsons, and of quite an alien creed,
That's scarce " diplomatic," Johnny; it is not, dear boy, indeed.

A new Tamerlane, my Johnny, who could stir the Tartar hordes
To—say " Asiatic Concert,"—well, you know that thought affords
To your talky " Only General " a quite sensational theme.
But prophecy's not "business," John, andC-esar should not dream.

Oh! the world is full of Bogies. I'm the biggest of them all
In the minds of many croakers who ne'er saw the Chinese Wall,
But are frightened at the spreading of my kindred—on the map;
For I'm semi-Asiatic, and half Tartar, dear old chap.

Now put this and that together, think of Pamir, Turkestan,
Of Persia, of the Dardanelles !—I think you '11 see, old man,
That though this ramping Dragon you may wish to tie and tame,
A Benevolent Neutrality is rather more my game.

A PLAYGOER'S " LAST WORD."
[An Echo from the Pit.)

The Season is—has been for some time—silly,

And lengthy correspondences are rife.
AVe have, alas ! to read them willy-nilly ;

They take a deal of pleasure out of life.
To llee such evils here's an easy way—

Let morning dailies idly rant or vapour,
At the Lyceum go and see the play,

The programme there 's the finest Daly paper.*

* A Correspondent, signing himself " A Knight of the Free Lists," sug-
gests that free admissions to the Lyceum should be known, during the
American Company's season, as " The Pest Daly ' Paper.' "

Motto for a Depressed Teetotaller.—"Whine and Water.