Punch: Punch (101.1891)

October 31, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,

215

BLENDIMUS!
" Water, water everywhere " in the Times
recently, except when Messrs. Gilbet wrote
their annual, and this time hopeful, account
of the Claret vintage, and when subsequently
Messrs. " P. and G."—(who on earth are " P.
and G." ?)—with a few modest lines at the
foot of a page, last "Wednesday, enlivened
our drooping spirits with a brief but satisfac-
tory account of Champagne Prospects. If the
vintages of '86 and '87 are good, and those of
'90 and '91 poor, why not make a blend ? and
why not sell it as such ? Let "P. and G. "
—[confound it! who on earth can P. and G.
be? " P. and J." would be "Punch and Judy"
—and, by the way, in the choice Lingua
Tuscana, "P. and G." would stand for
" Poncio e Giulia." But, on the other hand,
who, unauthorised, would dare to use this
signature ? No matter — where .were we ?—ah!
— to resume.] Let "P. and G.," whoe'er
they be—which is rhyme, though not so in-
tended—(but why this masquerade in initials?)
—let them exploit a "Blend of '90-cum-'86
and '91-cum-'87," sell it as such—viz., The
"P. and G. Blend," or "The Punchius and
Giulia Blend"—at a reasonable hgure, and
thus the Not-quite-up-to-the-mark vintages
will be saved. Have we not seen in City
partnerships how a strong house saves a fail-
ing one, and then the Blends go on success-
fully ? Let "P. and G." give us a first-rate
Champagne, call it, say, The " G. B.," or
" Golden Blend," at a reasonable price, and,
to drop once again into poetry, No matter what
their name may be, We'll ever bless our P.
and G.! *

* " P. and G. " might stand for " Pay-for-it and
Get-it," or " Pour-it and Guzzle-it." A Corre-
spondent has suggested that solution of the initial
problem might possibly be found in the names of

Pommery and Gre'-Xo ! So common-place a

suggestion is evidently, and on the face of it,
absurd. Not in this spirit did the Pickwick Club
treat the celebrated inscription on the stone that
so puzzled the antiquarians.

CAUGHT BY THE CLASSICS.

(The Record of a Ruined Life.)

Augustus Sparkler was an exceptionally
brilliant man. At school he had done marvel-
lously well, and if he did not'distinguish him-
self at either of the Universities, it was less
his fault than bis misfortune. When he
entered the world, after casting off parental
control, he took up Medicine. He was a great
success. He rose by leaps and bounds, until
at length it was thought highly probable
that he would be elected President of the Royal
College of Physicians. He was sounded upon
the subject, and a question was put to him.

"No," he replied, sorrowfully, and then the
courteous Secretary informed him. with tears
in his voice, that he feared he was disqualified.

" Well, I will enter the Navy."

He did. He passed through the Britannia,
and rose by leaps and bounds, until it was con-
sidered desirable to revive the post of Lord
High Admiral for his acceptance. But before
this was done, he was sounded upon the
subject, and asked a question.

' No," he again answered, regretfully.

"I am afraid then, that the scheme must
be abandoned," returned the First Civil Lord
(he had been chosen as more polite than his
sea colleagues), and he was almost moved to
tears in his sadness.

" I will enter the Army," cried Augustus,
with determination.

And he did. He rose from the ranks in less
than no time to become a Field Marshal. It
was then that a certain Illustrious Personage
asked him if he would like to become Com-
mander-in-Chief.

SPORT!

Cockneij Sportsman {eager, but disappointed). " I say, my Boy, seen any Birds this way?"
'Cute Rustic (likewise anxious to make a bag). "On, a rare lot, Guv'nor—a rare lot-
just flew over this 'eke 'edge, and settled in that 'ere field, close to squire

Blank's ricks."

[Grateful Cockney Sportsman tips boy a shilling, and goes hopefully after . . . a flock of Starlings !

" It is not impossible I might resign in your And he tried the Church. He became an
favour," said the 1. P. And then he asked eminent divine. _ Every one spoke well of
him the necessary question. him ; and when, in due course, the Primacy

"No, Sir," returned Augustus, bowing of all England_ was vacant, he was asked to
down his head in shame. Again he found accept it. Again he explained matters,
that his career was interrupted. "No!" shouted all the Deans and

" I will try the Bar," he shouted. ; Chapters.

And he did. He entered at Gray's Inn, i "You can't mean it!" cried the entire
and in a very short time became a Q.C., a body of Archdeacons.

Judge, and a Lord Justice. Then the entire " Well, I never ! " exclaimed every other
Ministry begged him, as a personal favour, ; ecclesiastical authority. But it could not be,
to accept the post of Lord Chancellor. and the disappointment was too much for

" With pleasure," was his modest rejoinder, poor Augustus, and he died of grief.
Then he remembered that he had been asked ! And so they put on the tombstone, that he
a certain question on previous occasions, and would have been President of the Royal
explained matters. College of Physicians, Lord High Admiral,

"I am afraid you won't do," cried the \ Commander-in-Chief, Lord Chancellor, and
entire Ministry, mournfully. : Archbishop of Canterbury, if—lie had only

" Well, then, I will try the Church." j learned Greek!