Punch: Punch (101.1891)

November 7, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

221

you up some sonnets for headings to the chapters. You needn't
begin right away, Mr. Cuxchard ; I guess there's no hurry. But
we get talking and talking, and never look at anything. I don't call
it encouraging the scenery, and that's a fact!

Mr. T. [later, to Ccxchard). And you're pretty comfortable at
your hotel P Well, I dunno, after all, what there is to keep us here.
I guess we '11 go down again and stop at Lugano, eh, Matjd ?

[Culchard eagerly awaits her reply.

3fiss T. I declare ! After bringing all my trunks way up here !
But I'd just as soon move down as not; they're not unpacked
any. {Joy of C.) Seems a pity, too, after engaging rooms here.
And they looked real nice. Mr. Cttlchard, don't you and Mr. Pod-
bury want to come up here and take them ? They've a perfectly
splendid view, and then we could have yours, you know! (C.
cannot conceal his chagrin at this suggestion.) Well, see here, Poppa,
we '11 go along and try if we can't square the hotel-clerk and get our
baggage on the cars again, and then we '11 see just how we feel about
it. I'm perfectly indifferent either way.

Culch. {to himself, as he follows). Can she be really as indifferent
as she seems ? I'm afraid she has very little heart ! But if only
she can be induced to go back to Lugano . . . She will be at the same
hotel—a great point! I wish that fellow Tan Boodeler wasn't
coming too, though . . . Not that they've settled to come at all yet!
. . . Still, I fancy she likes the idea . . . She'11 come—if I don't appear
too anxious about it! \_He walks on, trying to whistle carelessly.

WAR IN A FOG.

{A Record of the Next Campaign of tlie Coming Moltke.)

Our Army was now advancing in good order. We had the " A "
Division of the enemy on our right, and the "B" Division on
our left, but of course we had lost sight of Division " C." It was the
morning after we had taken the fortress that had unexpectedly
appeared before us on our right front, and had found ourselves

to our surprise by the side
,//Mifflt&ii 01 a river. The Chief of

my Staff entered my tent
whilst I was engaged in
studying a map not very
successfully.

"General," said he,
"military music can be
heard in the distance, from
which I take it it must be
the other part of our Army.''
"This ismostfortunate,"
I replied ; 1' but are they
supposed to be in this part
of the country ? I fancied
they were besieging the
enemy's metropolis.

"So it was reported,"
returned my subordinate ;
"but it appears that, tak-
ing the first turning to the
right, instead of the second to the left, they lost their way, and
instead of capturing the capital, surrounded a harbour, in which, to
their astonishment, they found bis fleet."

"I suppose that the movements of Division 'C are shrouded in
mystery ? "

"They are," returned the Chief of the Staff, saluting. "It is
presumed that the commander is wandering somewhere near the
frontier. A spy from his Army says that he had entirely lost touch
of the country, and was continually asking his way. But how about
our friends, the remainder of our Army, who are now approaching
towards us ? What shall we do ? "

" Give them a fitting reception " was my reply.

In a moment our Army halted and pitched their tents. Accus-
tomed to State functions of every sort and description, it was no
difficult matter to them to decorate the line of march appropriately.
Suddeidy there was the sound of firing, and. five minutes later an
offi cer wearing the uniform of the enemy entered my tent and
surrendered his sword.

"General," said he, "I yield to your superior knowledge of
military tactics. I had expected to find friends, and now I have
come across foes. And you number more than half a million of men,
do you not?"

"Well, no ; you may mean my brother commander, who has that
force under his'orders.' But we have only about twenty thousand."

"And I have given up my arms for nothing," said my visitor.

" To whom have I the honour of speaking ? " I asked, haughtily.
" I presume, the Captain of the ' A' Division ? "

" The ' A ' Division ! Whv, they are miles away! and so are the
'B' Division."

" Then, who on earth are you ? "

"Why, surely you know we are the ' C ' Division ? "
At this moment the Chief of my Staff again appeared. "Sir,"
said he, "are we to advance or retire? I must know at once,
with a view to arranging satisfactorily the requirements of the
Commissariat."

"One moment, Gentlemen," I replied, and then entered an
inner recess. I searched my pockets, and finding my tossing half-
crown, spun it into the air. I eagerly ascertained the result.

" We will advance, Sir," said I to the Chief of the Staff on my
return. And my tone suggested both strong determination and
peremptory command.

LULLABY Or AN INFANT SPECULATOR.

1891.

[A long way after Sir Walter Scott.)

[Packets called " Lucky Sweets," in which the bait is the chance of " prize
gifts," are having a large sale amongst children.]

Oh, hush thee, my babie! thy sire is a " bear," *
Thy mother a " bookv," both leary and fair,
And the spirit of bold Speculation, I see,
Heredity's taint hath stirred early in thee.

Oh, two to one bar one ! Heigh! dance, babie, dance!

Oh, tiddley-um, diddley-um, back the off-chance!

Oh, hear not thy rattle,

though loudly it goes ;
Oh, suck not thy fingers!

Oh, count not thv toes !
The "Last Odds" and
"Share List" to thee
shall be read
To-night ere thou 'rt cosily
tucked up in bed.
Oh, two to one bar one, &c.

Oh, hush thee, my babie!

Thv sire will soon come,
With "Surprise Packets"
for thee. Oh, ain't it
yum-yum ?
And '■Lucky Sweets," babie,
will catch thine off eve.
Not " Hush-a-bye, babie! "
but rather, " Buv !
Buy!"
Oh, two to one bar one, &c.

My lullaby, babie, 's not
that of old nurse ;

The pillow for thee has less charms than the purse ;
It is not that " Sweets" from those packets you'd suck ;
No, babie, your yearning's to try your young luck.
Oh, two to one bar one, &c.

You eagerly buy them, the " Prizes" to seek
(You "blued" two-and-tenpence, my babie, last week),
Those "Lucky Sweets," babie, are babydom's "play."
But as for the sweets, why you chuck them away !
Oh, two to one bar one, &c.

Oh, princes may " punt," babie ; nobles may "plunge,"
But, babie, that chubby fist's cynical lunge
Means craving for nothing that babyhood eats :
No, babie, you'd fain do a "flutter" in sweets.
Oh, two to one bar one, &c.

The tuck-shops, my babie, are well up to date ;
They know Speculation now rides the whole State ;
It sways all the classes, all ages, each sex;
So now we 're provided with " Nursery Specs."
Oh, two to one bar one, &c.

Shall Court, Camp and Counter all yield to the spell
And Cradledom not be considered as well ?
Shall betting fire Oxford, and gambling witch Girton,
And Infancy not put its own little shirt on ?
Oh, two to one, bar one, &c.

Oh, hush thee, my babie! the time will soon come
When at Baccarat boards you '11 sit sucking your thumb.
Meanwhile " Lucky Sweets," babie, buy while you may,
They will teach simple childhood the charms of high play.

Oh, two to one, bar one ! Heigh ! dance, babie, dance!

Oh, tiddley-um, diddley-um, back the off-chance!

* In the Stock Exchange sense, of course.