Punch: Punch (101.1891)

November 21, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

251

QUITE A LIBEL'Y PROSPECT!

[Or what may be expected after a recent Verdict.)

Scene—An Editor's Room. Editor andChiet Sub. discovered in

conversation.

Editor. And I think you have asked the Solicitors who have
threatened us with proceedings to be in attendance ?

Chief Sub. Yes, Sir. They are below—shall I send them up ?

Ed. If you please. One by one ; and kindly impress upon them
the value of my time.

Chief Sub. Certainly. But I think you will find they will get
over their business pretty speedily. After they have gone, no doubt
you would like to look at the Contents Bill, Sir ?

Ed. Yes, please ; and now send up the Lawyers.

\_Exit Chief Sub., when the Editor returns to his writing, until
interrupted by First Solicitor.

First Solor. Sorry to intrude upon you when you seem to be busy,
but it was your own idea that I should look you up.

Ed. Entirely. And now, Sir, perhaps you 'will kindly explain of
what your client has to complain.

First Solor. Certainly. You said of the senior member of the
Bounding Brothers of Bohemia, that, "although a very marvel of
strength and grace, he could scarcely, after fifty years' service in
the ring, be described as a trapeze-practising acrobat."

Ed. Well, surely that is a most complimentary allusion to his
personality! What does he want more than to be " a marvel of
grace and strength " ?

First Solor. You say he can scarcely be described as a "trapeze-
practising acrobat."

Ed. Well, can he ? Does he ever practise on the trapeze ?

First Solor. Well, no. But he might if [he liked! You see his
chief business is to stand at the base of the pyramid, at the apex of
which is his smallest and lightest Bounding Brother. But he might
use the trapeze, I repeat, if he liked.

Ed. If what I hear is correct—it would have to be a strong one ?

First Solor. Certainly—an extra strong one. We don't deny that
our client weighs over twenty stone. But there, as we can accept
no explanation, will you kindly tell me the name of your Solicitor ?

Editor. Certainly.

[Gives the requisite information, and returns to h,h work, until
interrupted by Second Solicitor, who has taketi the place of
the First.

Second Solor. I am afraid this interview is absolutelyJ useless.
Our client can accept no apology. You announced that you believed
that John Snooks had ceased to be in the employment of the
Universal Cab and Fly Company.

Editor. Who is John Snooks ?

Second Solor. He is a driver in the service of the organisation
I have just named—and we act for the organisation. We complain
that you have seriously injured us by telling the public that you
believed we had lost the services of one of our thousand drivers.

Editor. But if we did believe it ?

Second Solor. That is your business and not ours; and so, Sir, we
shall be glad of the names of your Solicitors.

\The information is afforded, and the Editor returns to his
work, until interrupted by Third Solicitor.

Third Solor. Sorry to disturb you, but you have been libelling
one of our clients. He objects to your putting his Christian name in
the paper—says that even with another surname it will injure him
with his neighbours. He doesn't want his Christian name to be
figuring in the public prints.

Ed. And what is his Christian name ?

Third Solor. Zozimus.

Ed. Why, that is mine! I thought I was the only man in the
world with that name, with the solitary exception of my godfather !
Third Solor. Very likely you are—your godfather is our client.
Ed. Then mustn't I print my own name ?

Third Solor. Certainly not without running the risk of an action
for libel. The address of your Solicitors, please ?

[The Editor gives the desired information, and then sends up
" the Pleasure of Editing " to the Composing Room as a line
for the Contents Bill as the Scene closes in.

An Elevating Exhibition.

At the Alhambra, the Little Georgia Magnet ought to attract
thousands. Three heavy swells seated on a chair she can lift, chair
and all, so that the little lady's exhibition of power must have a
wonderfully elevating effect on all who come within the reach of her
influence. At all events, there can be no doubt that her magnetic
force will give the Alhambra itself a tremendous lift.

EXCELSIOR

"I can't write seasonable verses," replied Our Festive Poet,
" until I 've had my Christmas dinner, and then I'm mincepie-r'd.'

She. "I didn't know you were a Musician, Herr Muller."
He. "A Musician? Ach.no—Gott vortit ! I am a Wagnerian J'

AN IMPERIAL STAGE-MANAGER.

" Guillaume Deux," says the Figaro, "prend tres ait serieux sa
tdche de moralisateur." He is his own Licenser of plays, and, it may
be presumed, collars the fees for doing the official Licenser's work ;
that is, if there be a department of this nature in the Lord Chamber-
lain's Office. And His Imperial Highhandedness not only is his own
licenser, but is a self-appointed Stage-Manager, for, continues the
Figaro, "II a prescrit que, dans une piece moderne, le Nouveau
3Iaitre, une scene un peu violente ne fut pas jouee a Vavant-scene,
mats au fond du theatre." If His Imperial Majesty should permit
some of Ibsen's plays to be performed, Ghosts for example, or
Hedda Gaoler, no doubt most of the dialogue would be given right
at the back of the stage, out of ear-shot of the audience. In ordinary
dramas the Villain who may have to use strong language, or in farce

the Eccentric Comedian who frequently has
to utter more or less playfully a meaningless
" big big D," would by Imperial command
be compelled to "retire up " to deliver him-
self of the expletive, and then would have
to " come down to the front " and continue
the stage-business. But, not satisfied with
merely giving the above stage-directions,
His Imperial Majesty " est alle samedi
s'assurer en personne que ses ordres etaient
bien executes." No dodging such an
Emperor as this. How would Herr Von
Irving and Herr Toole like this personal
t supervision ? And how about Herren

Only in Play. Jones, PlNERO, W. S. Gilbert and a few

others, who would not particularly enjoy having their stage-directions
upset by even an Imperial amateur. The next move of Guillautke
Deux will be to make himself honorary prompter, and it may be to
cast himself for the leading parts.