DOI Heft:
July 19, 1856
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16618#0031
July 19, 1856.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 23
LIBERAL EDUCATION.
Now that the "little
dears" of domestic life
a.e home for the holi-
days, the cheap school-
masters are baiting their
hooks, and throwing out
their lines, in the fo-m
of advertisements calcu-
lated to catch the eyes of
poor parents or grasping
guardians. We have now
almost daily an entire
column of the Times de-
voted to t* e announce-
ments of " Homes for
Little Boys," "Colleges
for Youug Ladies," "In-
clusive Terms," " Pa-
rental Treatment," and
other advantages, at
prices ranging from six-
teen to sixty guineas
per annum. As some of
our i eaders may be look-
ing out for a " good
school," and as there may
be a few who think no
school so good for a child
as the " school of adver-
sity," we place before
the public a selection,
from which a choice may be made by those who are anxious to get a youug idea taught how
to shoot, without any very seiious expenditure in she, or pow ler. To those who are anxious
to bring up a child cheaply, or rather to cut him down to the very lowest figure, we think we
may safely recommend the following : —
T^DUCATION.—For £18 per annum, YOUNG GENTLEMEN are BOARDED, Clothed,
J-' and Educated. The situation healthy, in the country. This advertisement is worthy the attention of persons
in want of a good school. Unexceptional references giveu.
As we presume the board will be ample, we may be justified in estimating its very-
lowest cost at Is. per day, which, for a year of forty weeks (allowing twelve, for vacations)
will amount to £14; and taking the education at 2d. per week (the price of mere manners
at the cheapest seminary with which we are acquainted), and the same sum for washing,
we have a residue of £3 6s. 8d. a-year for clothing each young gentleman. There must
be something rather diminutive in the wardrobe to be had for this primaeval price, and we
should say the costume would not be quite as modest as the outlay.
The next advertuement is a curiosity, even among scholastic announcements :—
EDUCATION.—A young lady, having a good voice and taste for music (whether cultivated or
not) might be EDUCATED, for half the terms, in a first-class school. Genteel parentage indispensable.
This seems to offer an eligible opportunity to a family having among its members a "regular
screamer" of the female sex, and anxious to get rid of the nuisance. Why a young lady
with a voice, "cultivated or not," should be accepted at half-price in a first-class school is a
marvel to us: nor do we see how "genteel parentage" c»n mitigate the horrible effect
of having a female Stentor in one's family. Aristocracy of birth seems a stiange kind of
compensation for plebeian lungs, and as far as our own taste is concerned, we should not
consider patrician parentage a counterpoise to the voice of a coalheaver.
There is something bold and original in the following, which to that numerous class of
pupils who look on books as a bore, and who indeed had rather not look at them at all,
will prove a boon of no ordinary nature:—
EDUCATION, chiefly without Books.—A gentleman, whose experience has convinced him
that the usual routine pursued in schools is very objectionable to the pupil, guarantees to parents to advance
their sons on a system sound and expeditious, at the same time most pleasing and easy. The situation is very
healthy.
This idea seems to be taken from the practice of the late—but not by any means
lamented — Squeers, who repudiated the book system, and ptoceeded on the sound,
expeditious, pleasing, and easy system of setting a boy to spell horse in the best, way he
could, and sending him to form an acquaintance witu his subject by rubbing the animal
down; so that a lesson was obtained at the same time in orthography and natural history.
We have not space for other specimens of scholastic advantages at ridiculous rates, but
we cm assure our readers that the educational columns in the Times at this season of the
year will well repay perusal. We must not omit to do justice to the simple-mindedness of a
certain " principal" of a two-and-twenty guinea c mcern, who announces that " floricultural
grounds are fitted up for the recreation of the pupils." Considering the effect which the
"recreation" of exuberant boyhood would probably produce on a "Airiculturai" arrange-
ment, we cannot help comparing the fitting up of a flower-garden as a playground for boys
to the preparation of a china shop for the autici of a mad bull, or the careful collection of a
brood of chickens for the express gratification of the Terpsichorean propensities of a dancing
donkey. ___
The Ladies' Oracle.—We move as an amendment, that, in consequence of the egregious
absurdity of the Ladies' Fashions, Le Follet change its name for the luture to the more
appropriate designation of "La Folie" or " The Female Folly y
THE PET OF THE BRITISH JURY.
To Trial by Juiy Britons owe
The happiness of being free ;
'Tis called, because the fact is so,
Palladium of our liberty.
A jury is the wisest, plan,
Whenever folks each other sue,
That ever was devised by man
For rendering un'o all their due.
A B itish Juiy knows no fear,
No favour does it e'er display
To Rank and Wealth, to Prince or Peer,
Who try twelve upright"souls to sway ;
Impartial both to rich and poor,
To neither class disposed to bend,
The British Jury, evermoie,
Is found the British Tradesman's friend.
When for bis bill—however large—
An action he's compelled to bring,
If British Jurors dock Iris charge,
Oh, how extremely rare a thiDg !
From an expensive minor's she,
Or an indebted lady's mate,
Of any sum he may require
How seldom will they aught abate !
Should any aged trifier break
His infant daughter's tender heart
By breach of promise—don't they make
The toothless old deceiver smart!
The Juryman and Father feels
The Tradesman's and the Father's pain,
The British Tradesman ne'er appeals
To British Jurymen in vain.
The other da? a case occurred
Whem f the jus'ice all must own,
The Times contained a tale absurd
How that a tailor—name unknown—
An army clothier's agent, not
Denoted even by a dash,
Had out, in the Crimea got
Scored by the Provost Marshal's lash.
Although this story was a myth,
To common vision very dim,
There was a certain tailor Smith,
And his friends fixed it upon him;
An action 'gainst the Times he brought
Upon these solid serious grounds,
A B<itish Jury gave him nought
Less than just full four hundred pounds,
Nine injured British Tailors, they
Did, sure, in that one Tradt sman see,
And so condemned the Times to pay
For damage done to three times three ;
Theu sing, Nine tailors make a man,
And in a box tht-ie were twelve geese:
So of four hundred pounds we can
Make forty-four pounds odd a-piece.
Little Facts worth Knowing.
When a man has a very red face, it never, by any chance,
arises from drink.
He who arrives late at a dinner-party, after the company
is seated down to table, generally escapes from the bother
of carving.
Old ideas, like old clothes, put carefully away, come out
again after a time almost as good as new.
The first bottle is always ' too dry," or ''too strong,"
or " too thin," or else it "wants age," or " body," or " keep-
ing," and it is only right that there should be something
wanting in the first bottle, or else there never would be any
improvement in the second.
Talk Scotch to a beggar, and he will soon leave you.
Always accept a seat in the carriage of the lady whe has
eaten no dinner, for the chances are that, as she has touched
nothing since luncheon, there is a good supper waiting fox
her at home.
The Secret oj? Old Age —To buy an annuity
when you are very ill, and you are sure to outlive
the patience of all those who have an interest
in your death.
LIBERAL EDUCATION.
Now that the "little
dears" of domestic life
a.e home for the holi-
days, the cheap school-
masters are baiting their
hooks, and throwing out
their lines, in the fo-m
of advertisements calcu-
lated to catch the eyes of
poor parents or grasping
guardians. We have now
almost daily an entire
column of the Times de-
voted to t* e announce-
ments of " Homes for
Little Boys," "Colleges
for Youug Ladies," "In-
clusive Terms," " Pa-
rental Treatment," and
other advantages, at
prices ranging from six-
teen to sixty guineas
per annum. As some of
our i eaders may be look-
ing out for a " good
school," and as there may
be a few who think no
school so good for a child
as the " school of adver-
sity," we place before
the public a selection,
from which a choice may be made by those who are anxious to get a youug idea taught how
to shoot, without any very seiious expenditure in she, or pow ler. To those who are anxious
to bring up a child cheaply, or rather to cut him down to the very lowest figure, we think we
may safely recommend the following : —
T^DUCATION.—For £18 per annum, YOUNG GENTLEMEN are BOARDED, Clothed,
J-' and Educated. The situation healthy, in the country. This advertisement is worthy the attention of persons
in want of a good school. Unexceptional references giveu.
As we presume the board will be ample, we may be justified in estimating its very-
lowest cost at Is. per day, which, for a year of forty weeks (allowing twelve, for vacations)
will amount to £14; and taking the education at 2d. per week (the price of mere manners
at the cheapest seminary with which we are acquainted), and the same sum for washing,
we have a residue of £3 6s. 8d. a-year for clothing each young gentleman. There must
be something rather diminutive in the wardrobe to be had for this primaeval price, and we
should say the costume would not be quite as modest as the outlay.
The next advertuement is a curiosity, even among scholastic announcements :—
EDUCATION.—A young lady, having a good voice and taste for music (whether cultivated or
not) might be EDUCATED, for half the terms, in a first-class school. Genteel parentage indispensable.
This seems to offer an eligible opportunity to a family having among its members a "regular
screamer" of the female sex, and anxious to get rid of the nuisance. Why a young lady
with a voice, "cultivated or not," should be accepted at half-price in a first-class school is a
marvel to us: nor do we see how "genteel parentage" c»n mitigate the horrible effect
of having a female Stentor in one's family. Aristocracy of birth seems a stiange kind of
compensation for plebeian lungs, and as far as our own taste is concerned, we should not
consider patrician parentage a counterpoise to the voice of a coalheaver.
There is something bold and original in the following, which to that numerous class of
pupils who look on books as a bore, and who indeed had rather not look at them at all,
will prove a boon of no ordinary nature:—
EDUCATION, chiefly without Books.—A gentleman, whose experience has convinced him
that the usual routine pursued in schools is very objectionable to the pupil, guarantees to parents to advance
their sons on a system sound and expeditious, at the same time most pleasing and easy. The situation is very
healthy.
This idea seems to be taken from the practice of the late—but not by any means
lamented — Squeers, who repudiated the book system, and ptoceeded on the sound,
expeditious, pleasing, and easy system of setting a boy to spell horse in the best, way he
could, and sending him to form an acquaintance witu his subject by rubbing the animal
down; so that a lesson was obtained at the same time in orthography and natural history.
We have not space for other specimens of scholastic advantages at ridiculous rates, but
we cm assure our readers that the educational columns in the Times at this season of the
year will well repay perusal. We must not omit to do justice to the simple-mindedness of a
certain " principal" of a two-and-twenty guinea c mcern, who announces that " floricultural
grounds are fitted up for the recreation of the pupils." Considering the effect which the
"recreation" of exuberant boyhood would probably produce on a "Airiculturai" arrange-
ment, we cannot help comparing the fitting up of a flower-garden as a playground for boys
to the preparation of a china shop for the autici of a mad bull, or the careful collection of a
brood of chickens for the express gratification of the Terpsichorean propensities of a dancing
donkey. ___
The Ladies' Oracle.—We move as an amendment, that, in consequence of the egregious
absurdity of the Ladies' Fashions, Le Follet change its name for the luture to the more
appropriate designation of "La Folie" or " The Female Folly y
THE PET OF THE BRITISH JURY.
To Trial by Juiy Britons owe
The happiness of being free ;
'Tis called, because the fact is so,
Palladium of our liberty.
A jury is the wisest, plan,
Whenever folks each other sue,
That ever was devised by man
For rendering un'o all their due.
A B itish Juiy knows no fear,
No favour does it e'er display
To Rank and Wealth, to Prince or Peer,
Who try twelve upright"souls to sway ;
Impartial both to rich and poor,
To neither class disposed to bend,
The British Jury, evermoie,
Is found the British Tradesman's friend.
When for bis bill—however large—
An action he's compelled to bring,
If British Jurors dock Iris charge,
Oh, how extremely rare a thiDg !
From an expensive minor's she,
Or an indebted lady's mate,
Of any sum he may require
How seldom will they aught abate !
Should any aged trifier break
His infant daughter's tender heart
By breach of promise—don't they make
The toothless old deceiver smart!
The Juryman and Father feels
The Tradesman's and the Father's pain,
The British Tradesman ne'er appeals
To British Jurymen in vain.
The other da? a case occurred
Whem f the jus'ice all must own,
The Times contained a tale absurd
How that a tailor—name unknown—
An army clothier's agent, not
Denoted even by a dash,
Had out, in the Crimea got
Scored by the Provost Marshal's lash.
Although this story was a myth,
To common vision very dim,
There was a certain tailor Smith,
And his friends fixed it upon him;
An action 'gainst the Times he brought
Upon these solid serious grounds,
A B<itish Jury gave him nought
Less than just full four hundred pounds,
Nine injured British Tailors, they
Did, sure, in that one Tradt sman see,
And so condemned the Times to pay
For damage done to three times three ;
Theu sing, Nine tailors make a man,
And in a box tht-ie were twelve geese:
So of four hundred pounds we can
Make forty-four pounds odd a-piece.
Little Facts worth Knowing.
When a man has a very red face, it never, by any chance,
arises from drink.
He who arrives late at a dinner-party, after the company
is seated down to table, generally escapes from the bother
of carving.
Old ideas, like old clothes, put carefully away, come out
again after a time almost as good as new.
The first bottle is always ' too dry," or ''too strong,"
or " too thin," or else it "wants age," or " body," or " keep-
ing," and it is only right that there should be something
wanting in the first bottle, or else there never would be any
improvement in the second.
Talk Scotch to a beggar, and he will soon leave you.
Always accept a seat in the carriage of the lady whe has
eaten no dinner, for the chances are that, as she has touched
nothing since luncheon, there is a good supper waiting fox
her at home.
The Secret oj? Old Age —To buy an annuity
when you are very ill, and you are sure to outlive
the patience of all those who have an interest
in your death.