Punch (31.1856)

October 11, 1856.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

143

THE CZAR'S CORONATION.

Described by Mr. John Thomas of Belgravia, to his cousin, Mr. Robert
Snaffles, of Harkaway Hall, Hunts.

Hangle C otel, 2sdy hevenink.

ince ritink of my larst, Deer
bob, ive aidly ad a hower
As i cood kaul my owe, for
we've been makin of a
tower:

Phroai plaice to plaice thay
've urrid me, in whether
phine or wet,
And ive scacely a i a momi ok,
xep at meeltime, down to
set.

Y, even now its ony in my

bed-room i can find
Suffishnt peace & kviet to
compoje my arrissed
mind;

And its reetber under di-
phyculties as i ave to
runt,

Eor tbeir aint no tabel in
the room on wich to stand
a lite :

But i've set our big port-
manter, witch its mT, on
its end,

And so uppon the Mewses i in humbelness atend.

About the grand Persesshink hive orlreddy told u ow
The hemprtjr to the mosko fokes e cum & maid is bow :
Wich e henterd from Sent petersbug, weer admbul napeer's biu
Hinspeckan of the phortrfsses nex time e rmeens to win.
The Hentry as i think i sed were borgust 29,

And the Krownin ware the Sevvinth—ow we oped it mite be phine !

Wich orl the varius fates & sites ide willingly rekord

As appenei hintermejet, but i pheer u mite be bord.

Suffysit th?n to tel yew there was bankwets evvry day,

Of wich as i dint laist m 'court-e i avvent mutch to say :

And theer were state bawls hevry nite, & swoniea too, as well

As konwersatshyonees—wich is queerish things to spell.

But of all the sites as whiled away the hintermejet thyme,
The grand Revew on mundy it were most espeshul primej
Y, to C that charje of kavvalty alone it wel repade
Wun awl the hinfmus chatjes as the hinkeepers ad maie.
Jest phansy whot our feelinx were wen sudaly we ad
A site of 15 thousiDg all a gallopink like mad,
And a goin ful split hover us—leastways twoz so i thort,
Wen sudnly by majic to a pull up thay was brort.
Likewize it mite ernuse you if i were to tel u orl
About the famed Patjlofsky, or the Tejjiment of porl :
Wich i think is xntricity a little it discloses,
Phor the orficers ave cocked ats & toe men ave all cocked noses;
Which as i nose you wel to b a punster most owdaysbus,
Yew'l say that their pug-noses is to make m look pugnayshus.

At lenth the Koronayshink day in orl its gloty came,
And ide to shave by candel lite, witch huthers did the same :
Paw in order to be herly weed to rise at arf past 2,
—Vich i ope my reppy Titians of that feet may b but phew !
Ia coarse wun ad no appytite at sich a nawful our,
And at whot were kawled wun's brekfust scace a mossel cood devour;
But PJ. wun little thort ow long a farst their vere to toiler,
Hor else ow e'd ave struggled sum phew muttink chops to swoller !

On reechink hof the Kremlin we ad ours & ours to wait,
For thier were tens of thousings orl a scrowgin at the gait:
And even then our labours wood have uselessly bin spent,
But for aving speshle tikkets wich by guvment they were sent;
!L kindness as Lord Wodehouse e ad bin & gone & dun
For "strangers of distinckshiug"—wich jon Tommus e were 1.

But ho ! wen we ad got iasidp, & taken of our seets,
To tell u 4 of whot we sor wood phil a duzu sheets:
Besides, in coarse the noospapers alreddy you ave red,
Witch mister Wixlytjm rtjssel givs a good akount its sed,
Helse ide ave told u ow the koris & passidges & stares
Were cramd with coats & parrysoles from awlmost hevvriwares :
Ow Coarse-sacks and Sir Cashy uns, curds, Kalmucks, turks, &
rooshins

Ow Ldies in court dresses, orl a dazzling u with dimings,
Sat nex to sheepskin youniphorms, ruff coats with ruffer linings :
And ow beside the Gortschakhofes, & names to drive 1 crazy,
Thier wos grandwills & de moknys, peels & prinses Hester Azx ;
Wich is boots ad purls & preshus stones mbroidered on so thick
That i phansy it ud corst im orl a thousand lb. a kick.

Hin shawt wun glance about me were suffishnt 4 to C
That theer was eaps of fashnabbles set there as well as me;
Wich in chattiuk & a kwizzink & a wishink hof good day
The tejus hours we ad to wait we sum ow whiled away.
For twozzent till parst ten o'klok is majjisty apeeied,
find i needn tell you ow we awl stood up and staired and cheered;
And i needn try to pictor the puisesshink in my letter,
Coz the speshle Korrispondint of the times as dun it better.
No maw i sharnt describe the way the krownink it were dun,
For of those who sor it pusnally jon Tommus wozzent 1:
The chutcli scace eld for underd, so it wasnt much disgrace
That in spite of awl ia hinphluence E cnodent get, a plaice.

But presijely at 10'30 we all erd the kannings sound,
Enouncing as the Zar of orl the rooshers e were crowned:
Tho it wozzent until arf parst twclv we sor im out o doors,
With is robe o purpel welvet & is crown o Kohinoors !
Witch tho light enuff to look at it seamed evvy work to wear m,
As showed y crownds uneasy make the eds as ave to bear m :
And though one's eais twood tikkle stead of mister to be zar,
I doubt if nine in 10 of us aint appier as we R;
For its seldom as a Nemprur, with is harmy & is knavy,
Hifljize toe peice & kviet of jon Tommus of belgravy!

HUMBUG IN HIGH LIFE.

What clas3 of readers can that be to which is addressed the
subjoined advertisement ?—

pEOGNOSTIC ASTRONOMY.—E. Procter, 2, Waterloo Road, two
-C doors from the Westminster Road, near the obelisk, begs to inform bis friends and
the public in general he still continues to Give Advice to those ladies and gentlemen
who may favour him with the time of their birth. E. P., the only person in the
autumn of 1852, who, in contradiction to the then writers of that period, having written
the seniture of the French Emperor, and transmitted the same to his Majesty in the
November of that year, wherein he strenuously denied the erroneous statements that
had been put forth respecting his Majesty's overthrow, which, according to their
assertions, was to have taktn place in 1854. E. P. not only spoke of his then quickly
becoming Empebob, but also described his Lady Enpreks, the time of his man iage,
that she would have issue, and thereby found a dynasty, &c. &c. All letters prepaid.

The class of natural and uneducated fools, one would think, is that
for whose deception the foregoing example of un grammatical falsehood
is calculated. It appeared, however, in a paper chiefly read by the
classes called superior—in the Morning Post. The circumstance that,
before reaching the breakfast-table, our fashionable contemporary has
very generally to undo go perusal in the servants'-hall and the kitchen,
may perh«pt account for the insertion of the above-quoted humbug in
its advertising columns. However, there is, possibly, enough folly and
credulity Lo the woildof fashion to supply an astrological impostor with
a remunerative number of dupes. Mb. Dove, who was hanged the
other day, was a believer in wizard Harrison ; there may be a cou-
siderable flock of birds of the same feather as Dove, among the British
aristocracy—bit da of the pigeon tribe. " Superstition in the nineteenth
century," exemplified by mstics in consulting witches, can hardly be
surprising, wuen a fellow advertises himself as a fortune-teller in a
London daily paper. We wonder, if a policeman in plain clothes were
to call on our friend the Astiohger of the Waterloo Road, whether
that sage would discover who his visitor wa% and would divine that the
gentleman in question had authority to apprehend him with a view to
his committal by a Magistrate to the House of Correction as a rogue
and vagabond ?

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Ow jennyruls & hadmiruls & minnystirs and sitch
Was so jumbled up with phlunkies that u coont tel wich were wic