Punch (31.1856)

-42 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 20, 1856.

SOME ODOROUS" COMPARISONS.

^ Comparisons have always, since the

|v\ days of Mrs. Malaprop, been

rAJ proverbially " odorous," and

■><#/ one or two of them jus'

/ now are so especially in bad

odour, that we think the Nui-

x/\ fiance Act should be enforced

^f^\yV f° sanction their removal.

— '^==s§^-^ -^==^ —__—■ We used to hear, for instance,

__r~:^s=^=j=^^g1—===^^=^=^; when the security of anything

IjggiN. -1—- -fE^^^^z^^^^PM^^= was called in question, that

^^^^^^^^^^^^gi^gs^^^^^^z:: it was esteemed to be "as

^^^^^^^^f^^^gg^^^^^pvji^^p safe as the bank;" but of

late so many bank ruptures,

^^pWyJ1^^^^^^^^; or bank b/eakings have bap-

r^i^^w1)^^^^^^' pened, that we think "as

^^^^^^^^ji^^^ Zl___ umafe as a bank " would be a

^^^^^^Wr' ' \"%) —— —— truer reading.

----—~— " As sure as a gun," is

T flML —;--JZTJ~ "~- ' another of our similes which

r !f -- ^e nave ^'Te<^ ^° see ^no"

yj\(i roughly exploded. Experience

*f/ \1 _—=— indeed has long since taught

— ~ us that with 99| of every 100
ry -"~ Cockney t-portsmen a gun is
\S~^ __ --- never to be looked upon as

— ~" making sur« of anything —

except perhaps of missing.

1_ w ^ comPar'sor» therefore is a

~~i"*"^=^^^% positive absurdity, and should

"^^^^ W ^Ifi^ ^i$i§|B§ilr be discharged before nexr

'*- i ^ shooting season.

^_ ^^y-^^^^^fe^^s Since the Ratcatcher's

— """"" ^ Daughter has been introduced

at court—the court we mean

being rather in St. Giles's than St. James's—the phrase "as jolly as a sand-boy " has been
also negatived, for the sand-boy, or man, in the ballad we allude to appears to have been any-
thing but of a j Uy temperament; and trie way in which eventually he came to grief couid
only in Mark Tapley's eyes have merited that adjective.

Another, and in spirit not dissimilar comparison, is that which has alike grown almost
obsolete, " As merry as a grig." This expression now has quite a medieval smack about it,

ance none but middle-aged or still more ancient
people are ever heard to utter it. As we will
venture to lay any wager, even the most des-
perate—(say, a new hat with a Bloomer, or a
pair of gloves with a more civilised young lady;
neither of whom, of course, would ever dream of
paying us)—that not the most far-sighted indi-
vidual has ever seen a grig, or has the most
remote conception what that creature, if it be a
creature, really is, we think it is high time to
pass an act for its abolishment, and for the sub-
stitution of a substantive of meaning. We would
therefore word the phrase, " As merry as a prig;"
the state of merriment referred to being that
which any well-conducted pickpocket is pretty
certain to experience, when, after one of the
many trials of this life, he has been so lucky as
to have obtained admittance into one of the
" pet" prisons.

The Baby Grenadier.

The Prince Imperial has received at the
hands of the Grenadiers of the Imperial Guard,
as Enfant de Troupe, his livret, wbich, we are
told, is given to every private soldier, and in
which are recorded the state of his services, his
commissions, and omissions. The first two
entries made on the Imperial baby's part by his
affectionate nurse run as follows:—"His Impe-
rial Highness stands cold water like a duck;
and after his morning bath shows all over bim
the tricolor." Further: " His Imperial Highness
(his nurse regrets to be compelled to confess so
much) has been known, more than once, to turn
his back upon powder."

december spring.

Such has been the unprecedented mildness of
the season during the past week, that many of
the Ctiristmas-trees have actually come out in
bloom.

ERMINE v. RABBITS.

Certain Norfolk labourers, with what they are pleased to call a right
of commonage, pursue and take rabbits; and are cited before a
Norfolk bench, whereon, among humbler brother Magistrates, sits the
awful anatomy of Lord Hastings. Tbe right of commonage is not
allowed—that is all nonsense : if ihese things are permitted, if labourers
are to imagine that any common right can privilege them to kill rabbits,
they will full soon take to pheasants and hares. Lord Hastings, as
given to wear ermine, especially vindicated the cause of the rabbits, and
the offenders were sentenced in a fine of 14s., or, the money not forth-
coming, a month's imprisonment with hard labour. If rabbits were not
protected, ermine would suffer next.

Now it happens that the editor of the Norfolk News is one of those
coarse-minded, vulgar people, too often found with quills in their hands,
who call a lord a lord, with no more reverence than they name a spade
a spade. And Lord Hastings, with a lively anticipation of this man's
independence, threatened to visit him with other chastisement than
that of words, should he make a newspaper case of the lordly Hastings
and the lowly rabbits. The editor, nothing daunted, discoursed after
his own fashion upon the matter; and was forthwith waited upon by
Lord Hastings, charged to the mouth with the missiles, "scoundrel,"
"coward," "villain," "blackguard," and moreover threatening to blow
out the brains of an individual who sought to stand between his lordship
and his lordly wrath. " la the end," thus concludes the News, " his
lordship was turned out."

Wnen Mr. Punch learned these facts, be felt more than sony for the
noble name of Hastings, Hastings, a name associated with elephants
caparisoned in scarlet and gold—Hastings to be mixed with rabbits,
at 6i._a-he.ad! Mr. Punch, however, was speedily relieved by the
following note, which, with great pleasure, he lays before his world of
readers: —

The last Russian Dodge.

Says the Czar to Todleben, with his tongue in his cheek,
I believe that those English know nothing of Greek!
But they beat us in war; so let's try the Greek ruse,
That is—" Maps, atar ow Kata Kosmon" * to use :
For as we've two towns of the name of B >lgrad,
"We can talk of the good one, but palm off the bad.
Mr. Punch very willingly complies with the request of the minor » &reti ej ^m xirfiU,-—" Maps tuat misrepresent the world."

Marquis of Hastings. In such a case of mistaken identi'y, it is of| ' isomer's mad, a. 214. lateral Translation.)

" The Marquis of Hastings, grandson of the Governor-General of India, presents
his compliments to Mr. Punch and, for bis own protection, being further a, minor who
will not attain his majority until 1883, begs Mr. Punch will make it known that the
Marquis of Hastings lias no connection whatever with Baron Hastings of the
Rabbits, of Norfolk."

the greatest consequence that we should only skin the right noble—we
mean, the right rabbit.

Once upon a time, a lamented manager of the Royal Victoria Theatre,
full of the triumph of a cheap purchase of stage-clothes, exhibited to
one of his actors, a great bargain, a Richard's robe. " Only thirty
shillings," said the Manager, tenderly manipulating the adorning fur,
"only thirty shillings, and all real!" "What!" cried the actor,
"real ermine?" " No, no," answered the bargain-monger, "real
rabbit." In like manner, it would seem, that a Peer of the realm may
in no way be ermiue; bus at least, real rabbit.

A GEM FROM THE EMERALD ISLE.

The Mayo Constitution contains a paragraph which commences
thus :—

" Death of an Irish Giant.—One of the last of the mythical line of ' Irish
Giants,' in the person of Shawn Nabontree, died at Connemara on Friday last. -

And thus, immediately, but not consecutively, proceeds:—

" He owed his sobriquet to his unusual stature, being a man of extraordinary athletic
symmetry—namely, seven feet in height, and weighing over 20 stone,'

So that, according to our Hibernian contemporary, this last of a
mythical fine of giants was a real man, of unusual stature, being seven
feet high. Shawn Nabontree was at once a reality and a myth, io
be or not to be could never have been a question with him, since be
appears to have solved that tremendous problem by being and not
being at the same time.