Punch (31.1856)

Decsmber 20, 1856.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

243

THE ANTI-PEACE AND COMFORT QUACKS.

A New term of reproach, an addition to the British vocabulary of
invective and dicionary of abuse, is hereby proposed. It; is the word
t! Anti." Almost every good thing that Englishmen ia general enjoy is
denounced by a certaia minority of English fools, who would, if they
could, deprive their neighbours of it, and who are band ;d together for
that purpose in an association of asses having " Anti" prefixed to their
name. For instance, there exists a confederacy of simpletons, calling
itself the "British Anti-Tobacco Society." It is a pity that the
B rish Solomon is not now in existence to preside over these imbecile
Britons. They also are publishing Counterblasts against the Nico-
tian leaf; and, among theses a letter addressed by their Secretary
to trie Bishop of Manchester, entitled. Reasons for seeking Legis-
lative Prohibition of Juvenile Street Smoking. The Bishop of Man-
chester must feel highly flittered by the honour thus done him, just
as he might by a spfC;al dedication to himself of a treatise on the
Qdidratui-e of the Circle, o- on Perpetual Motion. Legislative
Prohibition of Juvenile Street Smoking ! The meaning of this quack's
Latin is, laws to punish boys for smoking in the streets. How
would the ninny have them punished ? Imprisoned ?—with or without
hard labour ?—whipped ? What an awfully severe pedant must be the
Secretary of the British Anti-Tobacco Society !

Persuasion is better than force, and a per-on in a correspond-
ing degree wis^r than the above-mentioned Secrefary, has written

MR. WILLIAMS AT ALDERSHOTT.

The Hon. Member for Lambeth has a dragon's eye that never
sleep? when the liberties of the country are in danger; and it is evident
that the Hon. Member perceives in the frequent visits of the Queen to
the camp at Aldershott designs upon the constitutional privileges ol
the country. There is eo man who can look so far into a goose's egg
as Mr. Williams. With a single glance at the egg, he will tell you
whether it shall give to the world a white or a grey bird; an average
gander, or, as the Hon. Member can sympathetically prophesy, a very
great goose indeed. What, for instance, is hidden in matter such as
the subjoined ?

" A few weeks ago he saw an account in the'public newspapers of Her Majesty
having gone down to the Pavilion, and having witnessed in the camp a theatrical per
formance, the players being officers of the different regiments. {Sear, and a laugh.]
This he thought was a novel course to be pursued by a Sovereign of England/

Toe Hon. Member, in his patriotic fervour, forgets that Her Majestt
is the wife of an English field-marshal, and, if upon no other account,
may have military sympathies with the gallant comrades of her
husband, as Mr Kean says in Holla, the " brave companions of his
toils, and partners of his fame." But Mr. Williams knows the
history of Oliver Cromwell, and knows how, once upon a time, the
tyrant by means of the military cleared the House of Commons. Who
knows? Prince Albert, on a momentous Fishmongers' dinner, de-
clared that " constitutional institutions were on their trial." Bayonets,

■Smoke Not: a Prize Essay, -the pnZ3 we presume, having been j i(1 the opinion of the anxious Lambeth Member, may again appear in
awarded by the Anti-Tobacco Society-' snowing why the young the House q( Commons, when, on such an event, it would be only
should not smoke This milder and more gentle treatise is the work natural for M& Williams to look very carefully to his sea*,
ot an individual of the sorter sex—softer of heart that is, certainly not
of head, than the severe Secrcta-y. Perhaps, hovever, the bay in
question—a C3rtain Miss E. S. C."—does not consider that the
reasons why the young should not smoke really do prevent them, for
tne most part, from smoking—the aftempt to indulge in that practice,
in the majority of cases, making them sick and ill.

Without actually calling themselves " A'iti," there are va?t numbers
of bigoted, illiberal, officious, onceited, meddlesome, ill-natured people,
who are what that word means. There are Anti-Tbeatrical, Anti-
Dancing, and Anti-Amusement-of-all kiad noodles, who, not content
with hating plays, balls, and other amusements themselves, want to
enforce their small an^ipithies on the rest of us. To deny, to restrain,
to coerce, to control others, oa frivolous pretences and in petty things,
is their mean life's love; and accordingly we propose the word " Anti"
for use as an opprobrious expression to denote a hypocriticd, paltry,
conceited, domineering, Ostentatious fool.

What a world this would be, if all the Airis could have their own
way! The Anti-Fermented-Loqu >r and Anti-Animal-Food fanatic?,
between them alone, would reduce us to vegetables and slops ; one set
of Antis would deprive us of this comfort, another of that; would cabin,
crib, and confine us and each other, tie all mankind hand and foot, and
render themselves and everybody else petfectly miserable. Henceforth,
let "Anti" be synonymous with eoemy, plague, nuisance, pest of
bociety.

SATISFACTION FOR SOCIETY.

THE CZAR AND THE CUR.

The Czar, caught filching New Bo'grad,

Too plainly for denying it—
Declares he really never had
A thought of fortifying it.

Resejlctihg the c immal Marley, a statement appeared in several

of the papers, commencing thus :— So once, a a>>g stole ofi a stall

" Since the condemnation of the wretched man, Robert Marley, for the murder of „, ^ Pound of No-folk butter^

Richard Cope, in Parliament Street, he has conducted himself in a very satisfactory J-fle DUtter-mau 8t,0p ttiiet i aid Call,
manner, and appears quite resigned to his fate, which he seems all along to have And raised a furious clutter,

considered inevitable.

Is the resignation o* a cmvict about to be hanged for murder eatia-
factory P How can an honest man die on his bed more satisfactorily
than with resignation? V it cannot be said that a murderer in pros*-
pect of the gallows exhibited symptoms of the greatest consternation
and the most abject tertor, the less thai is mentioned about the state
of his mind the better.

The beadles chased the hungry hound,

For all his doubling, caught him;
S ill in his teeth the luscious pound,
Back to the stall they brought him.

" Why all this fuss ? " exclaimed the Cur,

" How oft need I repeat it?
Although I took your butter, Sir,

Attack on King Bomba. 1 nfcVer meaut t0 eat ifc "

King Bomba has been stabbed, but softly, "demd softly," by one of
his own soldiers A bulletin, in the following terms, has been handed ! Armrcmriate
about the cqfes of Naples, but has not been published by the Govern- PP P 1

ment.—"His Sacred Majesty, il re nostro assoluto, has been tenderly At once to compliment the Active Director of the Department of
wounded by a soldier instructed for the purpose, and is quite as well J Art, and to indieite the want of light in Marlborough House, it is pro

ai the police exp cted."

Admiral Charley.

posed to re-christen that dingy receptacle *"r the Vernon and Turner
collections by the title of " the Cole-Hole."

You shouldn't, be too bard upon Sir Charles Napier. That! a suggestion to the anatomists.

" Constantine didn't come out," was, doubtless in part owing to the ! Considering- the late prevalence of garotting—which consi%ts, as
British commander's vigilance. Admiral Napier proved himself, at our readers alt know, in drawing a handkerchief tight round the victim's
any rate a fair watchman, and that fact should be remembered by those i neck while you plunder him—would it not be well to change the name
who call him old Charley. '

from the "carotid" to the "garotted" artery