Punch (37.1859)

14

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

A VICTORIA CROSS FOR THE LADIES.

FIRST DISTRIBUTION.

Me. Punch has long felt that acts of the most devoted heroism are
perpetually being performed by the ladies, without the slightest recog-
nition from the Lords of Creation. The French have the Cross of the
Legion of Honour,_ which may be awarded (it is believed) to both
sexes. Whether this be so or not, the prix Mouthy on, for acts of exem-
plary virtue, is certainly open to the fairer half of the species. Among
ourselves, the Yictoria Cross has been instituted for the reward of
distinguished gallantry, but it is as yet confined to our soldiers.
Woman “ Laudatur et algetP Let a member of the sweeter sex rise
to heroism even of the sublimest order, her virtue must still be its own
reward. Feeling this wrong deeply, Mr. Punch as chosen champion of
that delicious portion of the creation, of which his Judy is a distin-
guished ornament, has determined to remeiv so crying an injustice, by
the institution—at his own expense—of a Victoria Cross for Ladies.

The cross is of gold filagree, and may be worn either suspended by a
ribbon round the neck, like a locket, or as a brooch, or ornament to
the waist-belt.

It is only bestowed for acts of distinguished heroism performed in
society, where other ladies are present, and where the hataille des dames
is being waged with the usual weapons of the sex ; or for acts of unex-
ampled resistance to temptation. It is open to all classes of society.

The first distribution of this new mark of distinction took place at
Mr. Ptmch’s Office last week, when the Ladies’ Victoria Cross of
Valour was awarded :—•

No. 1. To Miss Peiscilla Wabboys (of Evergreen Lodge, Hol-
loway), for at once avowing herself thirty-seven, in answer to an
invidious question put by Miss Coldstream (who is herself five years
younger), in the presence of four other ladies, three of them unmarried,
and with five gentlemen in the room.

N.B. Miss Waeboys is so well preserved that she might readily pass
for twenty-nine.

2. To Mes. Bladebone (of Canonbury Square, Islington), for
heroic resistance to temptation in passing along the whole length of
Regent Street and Langham Place, the day after last quarter-day, in
the company of Me. Bladebone, without once stopping at a bonnet-
shop, or making any remark on the contents of any of the milliners’,
haberdashers’, drapers’, or shawl-merchants’ windows- Mes. Blade-
bone was aware that Me. B. had just received his salary.

3. To Mes. Weench (of No. 99, Victoria Square, Pimlico), for
receiving, without any exhibition of irritation, or any attempt at
apology, two gentlemen invited to dinner by her husband without any
previous notice (the invitation having been given after a Greenwich
dinner the night before, and Me. W. having unaccountably forgotten
the occurrence),—though there was only hashed mutton for dinner,
and the unexpected guests were driven to eke out their meal with
bread-and-cheese. Under these most trying circumstances, Mes.
Weench is proved (on the evidence of the maid-servants, and her own
mother-in-law, who resides in the house,) to have been unembarrassed,
and even cheerful, though Me. W. has the character of a person who
attaches exaggerated importance to what he calls “the duty of
keeping up appearances.” This almost incredible feat of heroism
is further confirmed by the testimony of both the male guests on the
occasion, who are married men. They declare they couldn’t have
believed it unless they had seen it, and they have given serious offence
at home by repeating the circumstance.

4. To Miss Peddles (of Butland Gate, Kensington Gore), for
repeated acts of heroism in covering, by an accompaniment much
louder than was warranted by the composer, the false notes of Miss
Blaie, an acquaintance and rival, at Lady Sceimgeoue’s matinee
musicale.

5. To Betsy Peiggleswoetii (laundress), for repeated acts of
heroism in leaving untouched, for the whole of a long vacation, in
a closet in the chambers of her employer, Me. O’Mulligan, of Gray’s
Inn, the remains of sundry bottles of spirits, partially emptied by that
gentleman, and left by him without any protection or safeguard what-
ever. These acts of heroic self-restraint are proved by Mb. O’Mulli-
gan’s own evidence. Arriving suddenly from Ireland, at a late hour
of the night, by the Holyhead train, when all the public-houses in the
neighbourhood were closed, and visiting his closet as a forlorn hope,
he made the welcome but most unexpected discovery of the bottles in
question, the temptation of which had been so heroically resisted by
Mrs. Peiggleswoetii.

6. To Lady Blanche Castleton, eldest daughter of the Earl
of Hungerdown (of Castleton Manor, Wilts), for her heroism in
resisting the attempts of Lady Bitteestone to press a footstool on
her country neighbour, Miss Millicent Clodceusher, (the effect
of whose pretty face is liable to be marred by the shape and dimen-
sions of her feet,) during a morning call, at which several persons
of both sexes were present, and where much attention was being
paid to Miss C. by the son of the county member.

7. To Cornelia, wife of Algernon Sidney Bulchin (M.P. for

[July 9, 1859.

Little Pedhngton), for her heroic presence of mind in immediate'v
throwing into the fire an invitation to Cambridge blouse, intended no
doubt, to undermine the independence of her husband in’the discharge
ol his legislative duties. °

8 To Emma Plmnway (wife of Me Joseph Plainway, head
clerk m H.M. lied lape and Sealmg-wax Department), for her heroism
in always speaking of the gentleman m black, who carries round the
dishes at her dinner-party of the season, as “our green-grocer.”

“ THE BITTER CUP.”

We see something advertised under the above name. We do not know
what it is, nor do we care to know', for “a bitter cup” possesses but
few recommendations for our lips. It may be a cheerful companion to
“ Thorley’s Mug,” for anything we know. Bitterness that arises
out of one’s cups is a thing rather to be avoided, we should say. The
man, who is dejected, or in misfortune, is said to drink out of “a bitter
cup,” and; taking hold of it in this sense, we should think that .the
Conservatives have been of late drinking very deeply out of this playful
pitcher. We make an honourable exception in favour of Disraeli,
for he does not want any bitterness. For ourselves, we do not require
anything of the kind, for we always take to our liquor in the kindest
manner. If we have a preference, we would sooner have a Cup of I
Bitters to a “ Bitter Cup ” any day. We should say that the latter
too frequently left an unpleasant taste behind it. Perhaps the “Bitter
Cup” is “the glass too much” that Paterfamilias, carried away by
his feelings and the gin punch at Richmond, is sometimes apt at this
thirsty time of the year to take overnight. Away, far away from us
any such treacherous, poisonous Cup ! Repentance lurks at the bottom
of it! The “Salmon” enters too deeply into its contents, and hence
the “ swimming headache ” that so frequently arises the next morning
from a person incautiously partaking of that most intemperate of fish.

It is time that the Salmon took the pledge!

Austria’s Four-leaved Shamrock.

“Austria,” says a journal in her interests, “will deal retribution
on the platform of her Quadrilateral.” Nous verrons. Entire change
of tactics sometimes succeeds, and this is assuredly the very first time
Austria has ever tried to deal on the Square.

A STRIKING FAILURE.

How can we expect the House of Commons to abandon its night
sittings, and not to sit up, like a parcel of old women, talking so late,
when the very Clock, that is supposed to guide their movements, seta
them the wretched example it does in keeping such very bad hours i