Punch (37.1859)

July 16, 1859.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

23

EEDESD ALE’S WORST FEARS.

“ My worst fears are realised! ”—husbands obtain
A happy release from a foul marriage chain.

And ill-treated wives get delivered from brutes ;

The wicked Divorce Act is bearing these fruits.

What worse makes the matter, these couples belong
To the snobbish hoi polloi, the mercantile throng,

A set of mean people, of middle degree.

Who make dirty incomes beneath Schedule D.

Thank Goodness ! the husband in humblest low life
Must still remain link’d to an infamous wife;

And tlie wife a fast knot to the savage wretch ties,

Who beats her, and kicks her, and blackens her eyes.

Divorce for the million continues too dear,

’ I'is, happily, out of the labourer’s sphere;

Eut soon will its price to their means be brought down,
Insuring the fall of the Church and the Crown!

Those whom Heaven united let nobody sever,

Was the mandate divine, irreversible ever,

Except by the highest tribunal’s decree—

The fiat, I mean, of your Lordships and me.

With divine obligations for us to dispense
Was all right and proper; 'the cost was immense :

The petitioner having much money to pay.

Religion was honoured, and wealth had its way.

Eut, now that our privilege high we’ve resigned,

And divorce to the rich is'no longer confined,

The law from above by men lower than Peers
Set aside—realises the worst of my fears.

Lady.
Clerk.
Lady.
or not ?

A LITTLE FARCE AT A RAILWAY-STATION.

Ticket—First ! ”

“ I want One
“ Single ?”
“Single! What
Impertinence ! ”

A Fight for a Seat.

In Rathhone Place, we read the following announct-
ment:—

“ Seats Lent Fop. Balls and Routs.”

We are anxious to know whether the “Seat of War”
was sent out from the above establishment ? for that is a
Seat which of all others has lately had the greatest share
of “ Balls and Routs —the Prench giving the former with
the greatest success, and the Austrians going in for the
latter in a manner that left all competition far behind them.

DOES IT MATTER TO YOU, SlR, WHETHER I ’ll SINGLE

The Opposite Sex.—We never know what a woman
\_Clerk explains that he meant Single or Return, not t’other thingJ doesn’t mean until she has spoken.

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Monday, July 4. The House of Lords received, for the first time, the
illustrious Vernon Smijth, who has cast his Smith and now flutters
as the gilded and gaudy Lyveden. And a more useful addition was
made to it in the person of the late Sir Benjamin Hall, now Lord
Llanover, which does not rhyme to Hanover but to Dover.

The House of Commons was menaced by Mr. Edwin James with a
speech on behalf of Mr. Chisholm Anstey, on a given date. The
subject is too terrible for jesting.. Lord Palmerston repeated that
Re could bring in no Reform Bill in the present session. It must be a
severe trial to this zealous reformer 1 o restrain his natural eagerness to
enlarge the franchise and to realise Mr. Tennyson’s ideal of a
Cabinet:—

“ And statesmen at Her council met

Who knew the seasons when to take
Occasion by the hand, and make
The bounds of freedom wider yet

“ By shaping some august decree

Which kept Her throne unshaken still,

Broad based upon Her people’s will,

Aud compassed by the inviolate sea.”

Tuesday. Lord Lyndhurst came out with a spirited speech, in
which lie declared that, speaking only from a Defensive point of view,
we ought to have ships enough to smash the navies of Prance and
Russia; another fleet to hold the Mediterranean; another to protect
the West Indies; and another to see after Ireland, in case the
Liberators of mankind should look upon the Irish as an oppressed
nationality. We ought, he thought, to enlarge all our arsenals and
garrison all our fortresses; and then, he conceived we might smile with
much affability upon the world generally. Expense was nothing, and
vce victis. The “old man eloquent” is hereby rewarded with three

5 cheers from Mr. Funch. Lord Stratford de Redcliefe, who knows
I more about foreign politics and foreign feelings than any nobleman in
i the world,—with the single exception, of course, of Lord Punch de
Pleetstiieet,—also thought that England ought not to live upon
sufferance. Lord Granville, for the Government, did not think it
likely that Prance, engaged in war (Granny’s ideas were charmingly
| illustrated by the news of Priday),. would attack us, and as for
Russia, she was engaged only in improving the condition of her subjects.
Happily, the practical part of his speech atoned lor his ridiculous
balderdash, or by this time Master Granville would have been kicked
out of office by Mr. Punch. He stated that we were arming as fast as
we could. Lord ITardwicke justly remarked that it was too late to arm
when you were knocked down. The Duke of Somerset made an exces-
sively foolish and petulant speech, and but that Lord Palmerston
has ordered this person to improve the Navy in every way, and that
Pam is not a man to care for Edward Adolphus Somerset’s ill-
temper, and is just as likely as not to say, “Come up, Neddy,” should
Adolphus insist on keeping his ducal foot stuck in a bureaucratic
plug-hole, Mr. Punch would certainly use his baton on the fourteenth
duke. He may catch it yet. Lord Brougham thought that we
should be ready for a row, and Lord Ellenborough gave it to
Granville for his drawing-room twaddle. Elephantborougii did
not believe in moral influence unless supported by physical force. The
Duke of Argyle was, if possible, sillier than the other duke, but
he will look particularly queer if a regiment of Zouaves should quarter
themselves in the big hall in Sutherland House, make targets ot the
statues, and poke holes in that charming picture of her Grace and the
baby in the dining-room. The Duke of Rutland, taking title from
a little county, made a little speech, but it was to the purpose. Mr. Punch
entirely approves of the conduct of the Lords who recommended earnest
attention to our national defences, and it is not the sneers of any organ
of unwashed and spiteful refugees that will induce the people to think