Punch (37.1859)

August 13, 1859.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

03


A MORTAL MISTAKE.

We read in the Athenceum, that Sir Robert Smirke
has resigned his place as a Royal Academician. We
always laboured under the delusion that no R.A. could
resign, except by dying. It was a fine-art impression with
us, that the honour of being elected one of the illustrious
forty only terminated when Death came, and, in nautical
lingo, “let go the painter.” It seems, however, that this
idea that the forty of the Royal Academv were as immortal
as the Quarante Immortels of the Academie Eranpaise has
only been, on our part, a mortal mistake, and we are in-
debted to Sir Robert Smirke for having effectually
cured us of it. Once a R.A. does not necessarily imply
that you are always a R.A. Will other Royal Academi-
cians have the modesty, or the pluck, to dis-R.A. them-
selves, in a similar maimer, of a honour that they must :
feel they are no longer able, or worthy, of creditably sup-
porting ? If they do not, we shall take the liberty, in a
week or two, of concocting an art Index Expurgatorius,
in which they will find their names rudely printed at full
length, accompanied with such comments as may probably
bring the colour called crimson on their cheeks.

Cloaking and Uncloaking.

DON’T BROIL YOUR BABIES!

BUT USE MR. PUNCH’S PATENT NURSEMAID’S BONNET-SCREEN. WARRANTED TO KEEP
CHILDREN FROM THE SUN IN ANT CLIMATE.

The Imperial cheat
On old dodges refines :
And dismantles his fleet
But to cloak his designs.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.

August 1, Monday. Lord Teyxham astounded the House of Lords
by suddenly getting up and delivering a Reform speech. He actually
advised the Government, in preparing the Bill which we are so certain
will pass next Session, to omit any enactment of a property or pecu-
niary qualification for voters at elections; he thought all working-men
ought to have votes, and-

But the trance of astonishment was here broken, and Lord
Dungannon was the first to recover his speech and rebuke the
audacious Teynham. Indeed, if the pedigree of the latter had not
been a venerable one (he descends from an Attorney-General of Henry
the Eighth, and is not, therefore, a novus homo,) he would have cer-
tainly caught it. But Lord Granville, following Lord Dungannon,
begged that the radical Baron would not say anything about Reform,
which should be introduced as early as convenient next Session.

The Lords had a little wrangle over the Divorce Amendment Act,
and some of them professed jealousy at the idea of excluding the
public, however fit it might be that the cases should be heard in
private. The exclusion clause, somewhat modified, was carried, and
the Bill passed.

Having favoured the Chinese with sufficient pepper, it is now
desired to force our salt upon them; but as salt is a government
monopoly in China, the authorities there are not particularly delighted
with the idea. As we are to proceed in the most friendly and Chris-
tian manner in our dealings with the Flowery Parties, the orders from
home are, not to pour in our salt violently, but to “watch for any
opportunity of breaking down the monopoly.” Doubtless, they will be
understood by the adventurous persons whom it may concern.

In the Commons, Lord Bury and Mr. Schneider were announced
to have been returned by bribery, and, consequently, to have been
returned to private life. The Tories have been chuckling hugely, as
Liberal after Liberal has been ejected. Seven of that party have been
unseated; and as Lord Derby was turned out of office by thirteen
only, the Conservatives say that had the investigation been made
before the vote on the Address, he would now be in office. But there
are some cases to be heard on the other side : meantime, however, the
laugh is fair enough. Another thing is to be said, namely, that it is
believed that the managers of party, in London, go in to win at
elections without regard to the wishes of the candidates; and if the
men can only be seated, and brought up to the scratch for such battles
as that which floored Lord Derby, the Committees may do as they
like afterwards. If the House of Commons were not in the hands
of the attorneys, an Act would be passed making it penal for any-
body to act as agent at all in any election whatsoever. But you might
as well expect the House of Lords to abolish the eldest son’s right to
succeed to the title.

in Supply, there were grievous complaints of the folly and obstinacy
of the Local Boards for governing towns; and there can be no doubt
that the petty influences and quarrels of small neighbourhoods cause
much jobbery and obstruction to sanatory measures. Mr. Punch is

being perpetually implored to interfere in cases where helpless people
are poisoned by bad drainage, because their superiors either combine
or contend. He will be down upon some of the parties, shortly.

The great business of the night was Sir Charles Wood’s speech on
the affairs of India. The pecuniary mess into which we have got there
is something Awful. It will scarcely bear telling ; but it must be told,
for there is nothing like taking the Brahminy bull by the horns. There
is a deficiency of about Twelve millions and a half, and this must be
met. Sir Charles begins with borrowing Five millions at once, and
will soon have to ask for the rest. However, Mr. James Wilson is to
go to India, and see whether he cannot introduce some sort of account-
keeping, and put an abominable system into order. Mr. Bright was
largely abusive of our management of India, and it is hard to say that
he was wrong. *

Later, Mr. Roebuck was very scornful about the reports of Election
Committees, and mocked at the hypocrisy of men who reported their
belief that candidates, advancing large sums of money, did not intend
it to be used for bribery. Mr. Bouverie waxed wroth, and assailed
Roebuck for daring to impute perjury to Honourable Members; for
which rebuke, on a following night, Mr. Roebuck (rudely, but not
altogether inappropriately) described Mr. Bouverie as a Prim
Prater.

Tuesday. Lord Brougham spoke about the Strikes now unhappily
prevalent, and expressed a wish that they could be prevented. Other
Peers wished the same thing, but none of their Coronetted Wisdoms
had any plan to propose; so the matter dropped.

The Commons went again at that enormous grievance, the Judges’
Javelins, and reformed them; but Sir G. Grey compelled the with-
drawal of the reform. Sir George, either to-night or on another
occasion this week, incurred the wrath of Colonel Erench, who
strongly advised him to drop his habit of “lecturing” Honourable
Members.

A foreign debate was to have come on, but the. demise of Lord
Minto, Lord John Russell’s father-in-law, caused its postponement,
and Mr. Monckton Milnes carried an address for the purpose of
punishing the ruffianly merchant captains who inflict cruelties upon
their sailors. If the Americans would consent to our hanging or
flogging their sea-scoundrels, we would gladly return the compliment,
ana then justice would be got on whichever side the Atlantic the
offender happened first to reach. But Jonathan is extra tenacious on
such matters. A Count-Out pleasantly finished the evening.

Wednesday. Colonel Greville, who ought to have served on the
Hull Election Committee, had bolted to Ireland, and was ordered to
be chased and arrested, which was done. He said he was very sorry,
and had gone on what he thought public duty; so he was discharged
on paying his fees, and sworn on the Committee, and probably availed
himself of the opportunity to do a little swearing on his own account,
when the little bill of the Serjeant-at-Arms was presented to him.
Mr. Labouciiere is made a Lord, because he did not insist on having
office at the last change; so a new Member is wanted for Taunton.