Punch (37.1859)

September 10, 1859.]

111

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

the ladies for a gift of confectionery, was delivered in good language, but with
rather hurriSd delivery by convict Millard. He attributed the fall of himself and
his fellows to bad associations, brought about by the use of the intoxicating cup ;
and in feeling terms urged upon his fellow-prisoners to behave well, and on their
dismissal from these walls, to endeavour to regain the regard of their fellow-men.”

“ ‘Intoxicatin cup5 I spose means brandy-smashes, mint-juleps,
and gin-cocktails. Guess the critter used the phrase as being more
poetic, not to call it sentimentaller. As a concludin’ bit of sentiment,
jist cock your eye, old swanger, and take a sight at this -

“ The singing of the convicts was generally exceedingly good, and one piece, ‘ Do
they miss me at home,’ was sufficiently touching to draw tears from eyes ‘unused
to the melting mood.’ ”

“ Wal, neow, talk of flowery language, isn’t that a Floorer ?* John
Bull may strain to bustin’, but he can’t come up to that. Ugly
b’ars and skinned opossums! Won’t it rise the old ’coon’s dander to
find himself astarn of us! Beckon as heow yar big ships ain’t not
nothin to onr ’liners. Your Mackays and Macaulays you may crack
up as you please, and to your Tennysons and Thomsons you may
give what sale you like, but it tain’t no use a startin them agin our
clipper poets. Why, you see from what I’ve showed you that our
pennyaliners can lick ’em slick as _ snakes. I don’t want to make a
fizzle, but when I’ve spoke my mind, I’m not the shyster as squirins
out of it. I’ve a bunch o’ sprouts right handy if you or any Britisher
has any mind to taste ’em. But if fightin’s not your grit, jist come
across and liquor ; and then I ’ll prove by word of mouth that what I
say’s as true as that ’possums git up gum-trees, or that my name,
Sir-ree, is

“ Jonathan Marcellus Franklin Slosh.”

* Query, Flora ?—P. D.

ALL UP WITH ENGLAND!

Nervous we are not, nor ever needlessly alarmists. But we are
living a doomed life, and so are all onr English readers. There is no
mistake this time about the fate which is awaiting us. We have long
feared an invasion, and our fears will soon be realised. The foe is close
at hand. Tremble, Britons, at his coming! Shake, Saxons, in your
shoes ; for surely you must quake when you list to what the Dundalk
Democrat has said of him:—

“ He knows all our weak points; and our opinion is, that he would lose no time
in going round to land in Connaught or Bantry Bay, but would dash boldly on th*
capital, and seize the Castle, and all the arsenals in Dublin. He would, we fear,
strike at once at the heart of our power, and scatter us like chaff before the wind
before we could organise our forces. Among the Young Ireland party there was no
one but he capable of leading an army of liberation. He was a man of iron will and
indomitable courage. We believe he possessed that boldness and energy which

would inspire his followers to rival the soldiers of any other nation in deeds of
, heroism. He is a man to decide quickly, and to carry out his purpose with an
I unerring judgment and a vigorous arm. He would have the men of all districts
either with him or against him, and would deal roughly with all who should desire
to stand on neutral ground. Such a man as this would prove a formidable foe to
English power in Ireland; and, although he might run some risks, ft is certain
that he would not be so easily caught as Wolfe Tone. If his visit to Europe be to
aid the invasion which the English seem to expect, lie will have no mercy for John
Bull, and will more than rival Garibaldi in his furious onsets against the Great
Britons.”

And who, it may be asked, is this “formidable foe?” Who is this
indomitable, iron-willed invader, who “ knows all our weak points,”
and is to “scatter us like chaff?” The Dundalk Democrat does not
conceal his name. John Mitchel is his name : merciless John
Mitchel ; maniacal John Mitchel. Mitchel, he of vitriolic and of
vicious memory. Transported he was once, and now returns for ven-
geance on the sanguinary Saxon. “Some risks he may run,” but once
caught makes twice shy. You may catch a Wolee asleep, perhaps;
but Mitchel is a weasel that you won’t again nab napping. As
Garibaldi to the Austrians, so John Mitchel to the English. He
has armed him for the fight. See, his lion’s skin hangs round him;
and his voice sounds forth the war-cry of Young Ireland,—“ Erin, go
Bray!”

UNCALCULATING SORROW.

Our Dublin contemporary, the Freeman’s Journal, generously; pub-
lishes an advertisement in combination with the following obituary
announcement:—

“August 10, at his residence, -,-——, vintner, after a long and painful

illness—affection of the heart brought on by fretting—deeply lamented by a large
circle of friends and his disconsolate widow, who still continues to carry on the
business. May he rest in peace.”

The disconsolate condition of the lady whom we may presume to
have penned the above advertisement, no doubt occasioned a slight
defect, which is noticeable in its composition. In the distraction of
grief she omitted one word which is required to connect the totally
distinct facts which that notification proclaims. The concluding por-
tion thereof should have run thus:—“ deeply lamented by a large circle
of friends and his disconsolate widow, who, however, still continues to
carry on the business.” The public would then have understood that,
although disconsolate, she was still carrying on the business, which
excess of sorrow might erroneously be supposed to prevent her from
attending to.

Health of an Illustrious Personage. j

“ The extreme heat of the weather (that was) operated, we regret
to say, somewhat unfavourably upon the Sun, whose face has.come out
in spots of considerable size, the last that has appeared being about
sixty thousand miles in diameter. _ Having, however, swallowed a
couple of comets, overnight, and having taken a hurricane-mixture in
the morning, the. illustrious luminary has perceptibly amended, and
has been able to rise at his usual hour.”

“Airey, M.D.

“ Greenwich Observatory, Sept. 1.” Hersci-iel, M.D.”

THE TOT OE HIS PROFESSION.

Ip we were asked what physician stood at the top of his profession,
we should say it was the gentleman who was in the habit of attending
“ patients on a monument.”

“ Under Government.”

There is a useful little book with the above title. . The King op
Spain intends bringing out a companion work to it, to be called
“Under Petticoat Government.” Crinoline is. instanced as one of
the greatest proofs of it. The work is to contain a portrait of the
royal author. _

pride’s last dish.

Pies and Paddings generally come the last. The last thing that
Pride eats is Humble Pie.

Why can yon compare Big Ben to Graziani ?
Because it is the highest of BARRY-tones.

Cartoon por the Houses op Parliament.—Louis Napoleon
feeding the British Lion with French bonbons.

The Receipts op Punch for the Week ending September the 3rs
amounted to £2,977,819 15s. Cd.