Punch (37.1859)

152

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 8, 1859.

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A WET DAY AT THE SEA-SIDE.

Baggs. “ Tkish rain ’ll do a deal o’ good, Charley.”
Blobbs. “ 0, Shirtinly—make water so very plentiful.”

POACHING UNDER EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES.

The following pretty little illustration of rural felicity is extracted from a country
paper:—

“ Condition of Dorsetshire Labourers.—At the Wimbourne Petty Sessions, last week, a case occurred
which painfully illustrates the condition of the Dorsetshire peasantry. George Framfton, a labourer, was
charged with being in possession of a hare, a fortnight old, which he had caught while he was at work in a
harvest.field. A nominal fine of lx., but a real mulct of 12*. costs, were inflicted upon him ; but, inasmuch
as it was stated that he had a wife and five children, and that his wages were only 85. a week, a fortnight was
allowed him in which to pay the money.”

The Magistrates have no option in cases of this kind but to convict; for a nominal offence
they must inflict a nominal tine, and cannot help the costs which attend it. However, they
might as well have sent this unhappy swain, Framfton, to prison at once as have allowed
him a fortnight in which to pay 13s. Given, 8s. a week, a wife and five children, how shall
a Dorsetshire swain contrive to save 13s. out of the money in two weeks? Twice eight is 16;
take 13 from 16 and there remain 3. There are 3s. left for the swain to live upon and
maintain his wife and children. A county meeting should be called in Dorsetshire to take
into consideration this problem appointed for swain Frampton to solve. Somebody might,
perhaps, move, so to speak, the previous question—namely, how any British swam could
contrive to exist and keep a family of six upon 8s. a week at all? No wonder that a swain,
with a limited imagination, and a dreadfully low moral sense, should think that a little
poaching might furnish a practical solution of this difficulty—especially poaching^ of. such
mitigated, enormity as the offence of picking up a hare that came in the way of his sickle.
The probable hunger of such a swain might almost be allowed to reduce his offence to
gameslaughter.

Wimbourne is in Dorsetshire. From Dorsetshire to Warwickshire is some way; but if
the person who was mean enough or cruel enough to play the informer against. Frampton
is an inhabitant of Wimbourne or the adjoining district, his neighbours might surely,
amongst them, manage to send such a disagreeable brute as far as Coventry.

Catholic Theatrical Intelligence.

The Sultan has given notice to the “Christians” of Jerusalem that unless. they can
behave with decency, and not fight like ruffians, when their priests perform the trick of the
miraculous fire-escape in the church of the Sepulchre, the juggle shall not be performed at all.
We believe that as the condition proposed by the Sultan is an impossible one, arrangements
are being made, by the Pope for transferring the machinery of the fire to Naples, and for
combining it with the present contrivance for boiling the blood of St. Januarius. The
latter attraction will therefore be announced next year, with new machinery, dresses, and
decorations.—The Tablet.

The Way op the World.—HoIIoav Way \—The Bark of a Cynic.

JONATHAN'S RIDE TO PEKIN.

Tune—“ Yankee Boodle."

Our nation always goes ahead.

By methods noways sneakin’,

Hear how our minister got led
In triumph into Pekin:

I calcilate that he warn’t barred
By planks athwart a river;

Too ’cute a coon was Mr. Ward,

"Whose story I ’ll deliver.

Firstways he steamed to Ning-Hou-Fou,
Along with his Legation,

And there our vessel was brought to
A posture of fixation.

The Chinamen a box packed in
Our diplomatic corpus,

Conducted by a Mandarin,

A blowin’ like a porpus.

This box was made without a lid,

But hadn’t got no winder,

That breathin, it might not forbid.

But observation hinder.

With necessaries it was stored,

Though sight it held a check on.

Had food and liquor bolli aboard.

And backy too, I reckon.

Upon a raft ’twas sot to go,

Considerable pretty,

All up the Ki-Tcheou-Yun-ho,

To Chaynv’s fust-chop city.

And right slick through the Great Canal,
Our minister to render
Unto the Chinese capital,

In dignity and splendour.

At Pekin Gate upon a truck,

Drawn by a team of oxen,

Our citizens was proudly stuck,

Still shut their grand state box in.

Thus into Pekin town did drive,

(Such honour seldom waits men!)

Our nation’s representative,

And all our other statesmen.

The truck was wheeled into the Court-
Y'ard of a certain mansion,

Whose walls cut all excursion short
By space of narrer ’spansion.

Our envoys there was kep select,

To whittle at their leisure,

Some time a hearin’ to expect,

And wait the Emperor’s phasure.

Their mission ended, from their cage
Politely liberated,

They were, in that same equipage
They came in, re-located,

And brought, with care particular.

To where they first intruded,

Like blacks inside a nigger-car,

As snug, and more secluded.

I reckon that’s the way to treat
Our great and glorious nation.

And offer humble pie to eat
To them as flogs creation !

But we must swaller down our pride.
When dollars we are seekin’,

And be content, old boss, to ride
In a hoss box up to Pekin.

Very Proper Precaution.

Mr. Punch is informed that an action is
about to be brought by Mr. John Artiior
Roebuck, M.P., against one of the Railway
Companies for aeclinin^ to convey him, except
in a tin box, marked “Dangerous.” The
Company’s defence is its bye-law, providing
against liability to the carriage of Inflammable
Matter.

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