Punch (37.1859)

162

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 16, 185S.



NOT A BAD JUDGE.

Alimentive Boy. '‘My eye, Tommy, wouldn’t I like to Board in that ’ouse,

JUST! ”

WANTED—AN UNCOMMON PRAYER-BOOK.

Language that was good enough for such ecclesiastics-
as Jeremy Taylor, Hall, Stillingfleet, Tillotson,,
South, Barrow, Porteus, and Blomfield, is not, it
seems, good enough for 460 parsons of the present day.
They memorialise the Queen to have the old English
words taken out of the Prayer-Book, and doubtless would
substitute the elegancies of penny-a-lining in lieu of what
is “ obsolete.” A writer in the Illustrated Neivs remarks
that the next attack will be upon our other old books, and
that we may have “to tremble for the Book, for our
Shakspeare, and our Bacon.” We confess to reserving
our terrors for the last-mentioned case. As for the Prayer-
Book, there was an old cold Wind-Bag called Goethe, who-
protested against the plain language of the Decalogue, as
coarse; and who, for instance, wished the command which
specially condemns Pope Pius, changed into “ Thou
really oughtest not to raise thine hand in anger against
any fellow-being.” The old cold man’s maunderings found
no acceptation. We do not expect that any of the 460
delicate parsons will have the inquiry in the matrimonial
service, “ Who giveth this woman to be married to this
man ” transferred into, “ May I inquire from whose charge
this amiable [young) Udy is to he transferred to that of
her interesting fiance ? ” But about our Bacon. That is
serious. The tithe pig question has been more or less
satisfactorily adjusted. But “obsolete” means rusty, and
if under pretence that our Bacon is rusty, any parson is
to rush in and confiscate it—our Blood Boils, as the corre-
spondents of the penny papers write when a prig is sent
to prison. The parsons must let our Bacon alone—or—
we have done many a rash act, and they may behold a
Rasher. Archbishop Laud! Doctor, Dodd! Ha! Are
we understood ? We are glad of it.

None of that Air.”

A Promising Trinity College Dublin man was under
examination in Greek the other day, and being asked to
give an example of the First Aorist, promptly responded,
“Well, I suppose Mr. Green may be called that,” adding,
for the general information of the Examiners, “ I see his
big balloon go up from Crenrorne Gardens.”

A ATs/i-Light.—A Meteor.

1IOW SCHAMYL AY AS CAUGHT.

The translations which the newspapers have given of the Russian
commander’s despatch, in which he describes the taking of Schamyl,
are all incorrect. It is extremely unfair that, the invariable veracity of
the Russians should be Ihus perverted. We have taken pains to
retranslate the account, which, as given below, tallies, as will be seen,
with the general impression in St. Petersburg as to the mode in which
the valiant Circassian was capt ured:—

“ To His Imperial Majesty the Emperor of all the Russias.

“ Sire,—I am happy to inform your Majesty that the arch rebel
Schamyl is in my power; but I must add that he has been dearly
bought, by the sacrifice of many of the images, if not of Providence, of
your Majesty, which is the same thing.

“ On discovering that he was in a certain fortress, which I had thought
would be his refuge, I instantly made an advance; and, in fact, I
advanced twenty thousand rubles to the commanders of the outposts.
By one of those visitations of Providence which always overtake your
Majesty’s enemies, these officers were, that very night, miraculously
stricken with deafness and blindness, so that we passed their position’s
undiscovered.

“ 1 then determined to surprise the sentinels, and your Majesty can
hardly imagine their surprise when a volley of silver rubles was fired
with unerring aim into their pockets. Under that effective lire Ihev
rapidly succumbed, and left the ground free to your Majesty’s victo-
rious troops.

“ The more delicate operation of forcing the gales without alarming
t he garrison had then to be attempted, and it was difficult; but what
are difficulties in the way of soldiers who are doing your Majesty’s
work ? The resources of military science enabled me to achieve this
object; and by the employment of keys made of the best silver, the
gates swung open without noise, and the day was our own.

“Having ascertained the house in which the brave hut misguided
Circassian chieftain was hidden, I instantly directed a charge; and

your Majesty will find that charge, to the amount of 200,000 rubles,
duly entered in the accounts of the army. Everything went down
before us, including the bars of the door of Schamyl’s house, and in
a few moments the redoubted chief was your Majesty’s prisoner.

! “Thus was gained a great victory by your Majesty’s arms, as they
appear upon the reverse of your Majesty’s coins.

“ Where all behaved so well, it were almost invidious to point out any
one for distinction, but I must venture to recommend to your Majesty’s
august notice the gallant Colonel Diddledoff, whose adroit
management, in passing off upon some ot the sentinels nearly all the
bad money which your Majesty’s Jews had supplied for payment of the
peasantry, effected a considerable saving in the cost of the expedition.

“Humbly laying this account at the feet of your Imperial Majesty,

“I am, &c., &c.,

“ Ghounih.” “Bariatinski (Prince).”

Baron Bramwell’s Last Decision.

A Man may be a very bad judge of his own actions, and yet a very
good judge of the actions of others, especially actions-at-law. If called
upon for an example of this illustrious truth, perhaps I might feel
inclined to quote myself. I may say, and do say it fearlessly, that
without precedent, 1 am the very best judge of the kind.

paullo pejora canamus.

People ask why Sir John Dean Paul is to be released, while
numbers of the persons he ruined are condemned to_ hard labour for
4i,„ i-no js because Paul’s Chain runs oat of

the rest of their lives.
Godliman Street ?

Another Judgment of Paris.—A young lady, being asked what
was her notion of the Anglo-Franeo alliance, replied, “English heads
and French bonnets.”