Punch (37.1859)

182

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 29, 1859.

THE CABMAN’S CLUB.

Mr. Punch is exceedingly happy to find that those useful institu-
tions, Clubs for Cabmen, are being established in various quarters of
the town. Lord Shaftesbury states that they are productive of
much good, and that the Cabmen, instead of going home to quarrel
with their wives, come to the Club, and in intellectual conversation
dissipate the hatred they have formed for mankind during the day’s
conflict. Softened down, they are thus restored to their homes, and
statistics show that since the getting up of these Clubs, theper-centage
of black eyes among Cabmen’s wives has been reduced from 1 in 6 to
1 in 10. Mr. Punch wishes all success to the effort, and is much
pleased with the bye-laws of the Cabman’s Clubs. He submits a few
of the rules. It will be seen that they are calculated to exclude every
recollection or discussion of a disagreeable character:—

i.

That no Member shall say “Here you are!” under any circum-
! stances whatever.

nr.

| That no Member shall look at a map of London, or ask another the
j distance from any point to any other.

v.

That in no case, except when one Member promises another a legacy,
i shall any Member say “ I ’ll leave it to you!"

vn.

That there shall be no attempt to pass bad money at the Club.

VIII.

i That, except when a haunch of venison is presented to the Club by
Lord Shaftesbury, the word Buck shall never be mentioned.

XI.

That the porter in the hall shall receive the badges of all the Members
ou their entering, and shall return each in a sealed envelope as the
! owner goes out.

XII.

That Osses shall be as little spoken about as possible, and then only
in reference to sporting events.

XIII.

That a bird’s mouth shall be alluded to as his pecker, or some other
device shall be employed to avoid the word Beak.

xv.

That, except when speaking of a fight, there shall be no use of the
word Mill, and that no Member shall describe another as Cranky.

XVIII.

That a vessel containing liquid shall be called the Vase, or the
Chalice, or the Ewer, but upon no occasion the Jug.

xx.

That the waiters shall always have small coin about them, and never
have to say, “I’ve no change, Sir.”

XXI.

That all anecdotes of successes obtained over female, aged, country,
or foreign Fares be forbidden, not as unwelcome, but as calculated to
excite envious feelings in those Members who have been unfortunate
enough to obtain little more than their legal hire.

“Save us from our Friends!”

France is making a claim of 400,000,000 francs upon Piedmont for
the expenses of the late war. It is said that in the event of Piedmont
not being able to satisfy this claim, that it will have to part with either
Savoy or Nice. We doubt the latter, for it would be a shock to our
intellectual powers of penetration if we looked upon Louis Napoleon
otherwise than as a ruler that was not over Nice.

POLITICAL GEOGRAPHY.

Vienna is the Capital of Austria. What of that ? From Baron
de Bruck’s last financial juggle, it is quite evident that Austria has
no other capital than her chief town.

The Mock and the Beal.—You know mock-modesty, as you do
mock-turtle, from its being the produce of a calf’s head.