Punch (37.1859)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

185

November 5, 1859.]


1

SOLDIERS OF IRISH FREEDOM.


Dublin correspondent
of the Morning Post
sends over the follow-
ing piece of intelli-
gence :—•

“ AID FOR THE POPE.

“ The Morning News con-
tinues to publish letters
from parties who are wil-
ling to subscribe towards
‘ a war fund for the Pope,’
or to aid in raising an
‘ Irish Brigade ’ for him.”

“ And this is one of
them,” as the Irish
pilot said of the rock
which (just as he had
declared that he knew
every one on the coast)
the ship struck upon:


“ S[B;—As one who approves of the suggestion of the reverend gentlemen from the North, I beg to begin
the good work for our Holy Father. Idle murmurings will avail little ; the time is come for action. I beg
to give you my name for Fifty Pounds, aud would as willingly give my life for the same holy cause.

“ I am. Sir, for the present,

“A Subscriber to tiie Morning News.”

A Subscriber to the Morning News? Of how much beyond the price of that valuable
journal? Of a name, apparently, at present—not just yet of £50. Mo half of a bank-note
seems to have accompanied the above communication, and if it had, truly, even for one of
the “faithful,” the writer ought to have a large allowance of faith, to think of sending any
money to the office of an Irish newspaper.

But as touching that same Irish Brigade contemplated by the “parties” who have been'
writing to the Morning News, the sooner it is raised and sent away the better. Let the band
of fanatics who are not content to be traitors to constitutional government at home, betake
themselves abroad to fight against the emancipation of a foreign people. Let them go.
Garibaldi and his brave bands will soon give an account of the blackguards, and Ireland
will rejoice in a good riddance of bad rubbish.

ASSURANCE DOUBLE SURE.

THE R1ELE VOLUNTEERS.

Air—“ The British Grenadiers.”

Some talk of Alexander,

And some of Hercules,

But John Bull’s rising dander
Needs no such aids as these.

He shoulders his long Enfield,

And at his drill appears,

Till “ping-wing-wing,” the bullets sing,

Of the Rifle Volunteers.

And -when he is commanded
To find himself in clothes.

Like a trump unto his tailor
For a uniform he goes.

With his easy Knickerbockers,

And no stock his neck that queers.

For a run, jump, stand, they’re the boys to
command,

Are the Rifle Volunteers!

Let the Horse Guards trust to pipe-clay,
And General Routine,

Till the Linesman’s schakoed, belted,

And pack’d to a machine.

With winds and waists unfettered,

And the use of eyes and ears,

In wide-awake tile come the rank and file
Of the Rifle Volunteers !

They mayn’t he up to marching,

A hundred legs like one,

Or in coming to the shoulder
To the moment with each gun;

But for hitting of the target,

Or the foeman—have no fears,

He nrust shoot mighty spry that could
wipe the eye
Of the Rifle Volunteers !

Mr. Punch had occasion some little time back to give a significant hint that he did not
approve of one form of Post-Office Assurance, namely, the Assurance that presumed to
inquire much too minutely into the private affairs of Everyman’s Castle. He has the more
pleasure in strongly commending a new form of Assurance in the same quarter. Mr.
Rowland Hill hath taken into consideration the fact that it is not easy for a gentleman
with a limited salary to pay a large sum at given dates (not dates you eat, Wiscount; what
a Hass you are!), whereas the same amount might be pleasingly spread over a long period.
Following out this train of thought, Mr. Hill hath arranged with divers Life Assurance
Societies, that the Post Office itself shall pay the premiums on the policies effected by
clerks and other officials in the Establishment, and that the same shall be deducted in.small
amounts from the weekly or monthly salary of the party. Now, this is so kind and wise an
arrangement, that nobody can be at all surprised that all the other Government Offices have
abstained from following so good an example. However, with an occasional prod from
Mr. Punch, they may in time be induced to imitate the Post Office.

Now is the time for young husbands and fathers in official situations to show their regard
(if any) for their Partners and Progeny. Nowr will a slight weekly retrenchment begin to
tell. For instance, a visit to the theatre. A cab to take your wife costs at least two
shillings; boxes, say eight shillings ; box-keeper (Adelphi and Covent Garden excepted), one
shilling; ices and all that rubbish, two shillings ; your own white gloves, a shilling and a
halfpenny (Tottenham Court Road). Well, leave your wife at home, walk to the theatre, go
to the pit, buy a penny bill, have a pint of porter. No cabs, no boxes, no harpy, no ices,
no gloves. This will save eleven shillings and ninepence halfpenny. Now that sum weekly
is more than £30 a-year, and for that payment you can assure your life for £1,000, besides
the comfort of knowing how much better it is for your wife to be at home minding the
children, than in a hot theatre hearing frivolous dialogues.

There is another way of effecting the same object, but it is so mean that Mr. Punch
mentions it only as matter of form. You cannot get a good cigar under fivepence, and you
smoke four a-day. Give it up, and you will save in the week about the same sum as by the
former process. But this is not recommended. As your wife is to benefit by the assurance,
not you, it is fitting that she make the sacrifice towards it.

But, anyhow. Gentlemen, and others, of the Post Office, now is your time, and Mr. Punch
hopes speedily to hear that all the Government Offices adopt the plan, and all the Assurance
Offices concur in it. Honesty is the best Policy, but a Policy on your life is a very good one.

Bramwell is Himself Again !

A Yachting Friend was telling Baron Bramwell that, while out on a coasting cruise,
they dined one day off Beal. “Rather a dry repast,” exclaimed the facetious Baron, -who
is quite the YViddicomb of the legal circus—circuit, we mean. “ For my part, although
tastes, you know, vary,” he continued, in the same humorous strain, “I should have preferred
waiting for Sandwich to take my luncheon, and then dining off the Chops of the Channel.”
The Baron was so pleased with his own joke, that he immediately began dancing a hornpipe,
after the style of Mrss Lydia Thompson.

At dawn to drill or practice.

Blow high, blow low, he goes;

And what a breakfast afterwards
He eats, you may suppose,

For shooting, marching, wheeling,

Not alone chase invasion’s fears,

But they also drive out dyspepsy and gout
From the Rifle Yrolunteers!

The lovely maids of England,

The comely matrons too,

Rain smiles upon the Rifles,

And applaud their aim so true;

For they know while each stout marksman
His unerring Enfield rears,

No invader comes to the hearths and the
homes,

Of the Rifle Yolunteers !

A BALSAM FOR BRUISED SPIRITS.

Me read that the Governor cf Cayenne has
abandoned in that transporting colony the culti-
vation of the castor-oil plant, and replaced it
by sesame. As Sesame was. the watchword of
thieves in the well-known Ali Baba story, it may
be considered the most appropriate plant for con-
victs and the outcasts of society, and one so rich
in association that it may be likely to lure them
on to habits of industry, to which such charac-
ters generally entertain a most rooted antipathy.
Sesame in the fairy chronicle was the charm
that opened the cavern in which were hidden
countless treasures; so, in this instance, it may
be the magic key that is to open to the wonder-
ing eyes of the thieves who work it all the
wealth that is buried in the earth. . We say
‘ thieves,’ as it is well known that, owing to the
munificence of Louis Napoleon, not a single
political exile now remains in the wretched
island of Cayenne, or else we would not insult
them with so “ priggish ” a parallel.