Punch (37.1859)

[November 12, 1859.

PUNCH, OR TIIE LONDON CHARIVARI.


AN EXPERIMENT ON A VILE BODY.

PETER LAURIE.

Jackasses’ brays are bonnie,

And sae are bagpipes too,

And auld Sir Peter Laurie
Heehaws wi’ clangour true.
Heehaws wi’ clangour true,

In just the tunefu’ key;

And it’s oh that Peter Laurie
Sae doure a Jack should be 1

His wit is like the snow-drift,

When half the Spring is gone ;

His speeches are the silliest
That joke was e’er made on,

That joke was e’er made on.
Provoking mirth and glee :

And therefore Peter Laurie
Becomes a butt for me.

Accused by a drunkard lying,

Before his judgment-seat.

An innocent bairn knelt crying;

For such was Newgate meet ?

For such was Newgate meet ?
Severe, absurd decree!

Fie for shame, Sir Peter Laurie,
Ye cruel auld boobie 1

Conversation on the Knife-Board.

First Clerk. I say, Jack, I had game for
dinner yesterday.

Second Clerk. Yes, I understand—a pint of
porter, and a game of billiards — that’s your
game dinner.

:

Medical Pupil, after dragging a patient round the Surgery, succeeds in extracting a tooth. “ Come
That’s not so bad for a First Attempt ! ”

The Matrimonial Code. — The Husband'
reigns, but it is the Wife who governs.

“ It’s coming is he ? ” quoth our John,
“ I’ve heard that talk before”—

And then his eye fell straight upon
His stick behind the door.

“ I wonder if ’twould suit Our Friend
(John’s face was rather grim)

For me to save his coming here,

By going there to him.”

“ Because you know, old girl,” says he,
“ I’m hearty, strong, and bale,

And 1 ’d be all the better for
A little bit of sail.

I fancy, too, he thinks I’m not
Quite sound in wind or limb.

I ’ve really half a thought, old girl,

Of going there to him.

OUR FRENCH FRIEND.

“ Besides, you know, I shouldn’t be
A stranger to the way,

I visited the spot before
In Bonyparty’s day.

That very stick I took: with me—

It hasn't grown more slim:

I swear, old gal, I’m half inclined
To go across to him.

“ I hate to give a gentleman
More trouble than there’s need,

And crossing water makes Our Friend
Uncommon cross indeed.

And if, as these here letters say,

To meet me is his whim,

Why, dang my buttons, Mother Bull,
I ’ll go across to him.

“ Mayhap he’d like to have a crack
About old days gone by,

Egypt, and Spain, and Trafalgar,

If he would, so would I.

About those days I rather think
His memory’s getting dim,

And that’s another reason, dame,

Why I should go to him.

“ There’s Master Jack may mind the house,
I’m glad he’s bought a gun,

If he don’t keep you safe and sound.

He’s not his father’s son.

So till a mug, Our Friend’s good health,

Yes, till it to the brim:

If lie’ll but say he means to come—

By George, I’ll go to him.”

A HARD CONSERVATIVE HIT.

At the late Conservative dinner at Rochdale, Major Edwakdes
made some diverting observations. For example, after having boasted
that he had always spoken in favour of good old Tory principles, he
made the following remark about Palmerston and Russell :—

“ They were both intent upon mischief, and they would both do their utmost to
keep the Conservative party out of power, because they were greedy of the loaves
and fishes. {Loud cheers and laughter.)

The auditors of the gallant Major laughed at the foregoing specimen
of Iris eloquence, some for one reason, some for another, and others for
a third. The first division laughed because they really believed that
the views of the present Premier and Foreign Secretary are simply
mercenary; that they hold office wholly and solely for the sake of their
pensions; which probably was what Major Edwardes meant to say;
and that in saying so the Major had made a good joke at the two noble
lords’ expense. The second class were constrained to laugh out of
their sleeve, instead of in it, by construing the orator’s assertion to
mean that Lord Palmerston and Lord John would endeavour to
exclude the Conservative party from power because the Conservatives

were actuated by interested motives. This part of the audience
laughed as some gentlemen may be observed to do when they are play-
fully called rogues—conscious subjects of the pleasantry, and hugging .
themselves in the fun which, therefore tickles them. The remaining
portion of the assembly perceived that Major Edwardes’s imputation -
was open to two opposite constructions, and good-humouredly laughed
at its post-prandial ambiguity.

BELOW RAREY. j

Mr. Rarey has been lecturing in Dublin before the Lord Lieu-
tenant and suite. The newspaper paragraph, which mentioned this
fact, further announced that—

“Mr. Rarey will deliver his second lecture on Saturday next, when he stated
that a very vicious horse would be operated upon.”

It was whispered that the brute which Mr. Rarey proposed to
tame, was no other than the furious kicking and plunging animal
named Cullen. But Cullen is not a subject for Mr. Rarey ; he
has published a pastoral, which proves that he is no horse, but of
a lower order of animals.