DOI issue:
December 10, 1859
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16864#0250
December 10, 1859.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,
239
GOOD ADVICE,
French paper, the
Honiteur de VArmee,
has published the
following eighteen
golden rules for the
guidance of the troops
going to Canton, to
which Mr. Punchbags
to append Full Privat e
Jean Toulourotj’s
comment.
1. Have tv arm do th-
ing in tcinter.
[With great plea-
sure, if the Govern-
ment will supply me
with it. I would
suggest at the same
time the propriety
of serving out foot-
warmers to stand-
at - ease in, hot -
water tins for our
beds, carpets for
our tents, and
camp-stools, witli cushions for us to sit down upon.]
2. Never remain in damp or wet clothes, unless you are at work or on
the march.
[L would much rather not. In order to enable me to follow' this
excellent direction, I should be extremely obliged by the Go-
vernment serving out to me a complete change of upper and
under-clothing, with the means of conveying them otherwise
than upon my back, which has to support more than it can
comfortably carry already.]
3. In summer wear light clothing of soft wool, or Urtica nivea linen. Be
careful to wash this clothing when ids soaked with perspiration.
[Nothing could be more comfortable, if the Government will be kind
enough to provide me writh the soft and light woollen clothing.
As to the JJrtica nivea linen, I should be obliged by information
what it is, and where and howr it is to be come by. The recom-
mendation as to washing has my approval, and I trust will be
followed by the requisite allowance of soap, the proper facilities
for a supply of hot-water, and an allotment of washerwomen to
each regiment.]
4. Wear flannel, both as a waistcoat and round the abdomen. Never
leave it off.
[I won’t, if once I can get it on. Eu attendant, I can only wish
I may get it.]
5. Never sleep on the bare ground.
[1 solemnly promise never to do so, if I can get anything softer
and pleasanter to sleep upon.]
Put a plank under your feet when you stand still.
[Two, if the Government will oblige me with them, and inform me
how I am to get ’em along with my knapsack, musket, ammuni-
tion, provisions, cooking utensils, and tente d'abri ]
6. In summer put a little straw upon your plank.
[“ A Little ! ” I will invest it with a layer a foot deep,—given the
straw.]
And cover it with a matting of rope-yarn or bamboo.
[All—Messieurs of the Sanitary Commission, when you are about
it, couldn’t you make it a spring mattrass or an edredon I]
7. Never drink water—
[Never, if I can get anything stronger.]
Always tea.
[Corbleu! I am not prepared to give this undertaking, unless
the tea be properly corrected with eau-de-vie, rhum, Icirsch, or
other means of quenching thirst known to the soldier. The au
naturel is a British beverage, and as such distasteful to every
true soldier of France.]
S. Clarify your water, ichen it is muddy, with rock alum.
[Why rock-alum ? I shall be perfectly satisfied with the clarifying
powers of cognac. Nay, I prefer that fluid to rock-alum, if a
paternal Government will permit me a choice.]
9. Drink in moderation the spirits of the country, taking care to warm
them first.
[ I will. I respect the institutions of a ponche damboyante, or a groc
chaud. If the Government wish me to abstain altogether from
the spirits of the country, they have but to serve me out a
can only be procured by
the heart of the French
sufficient ration of the eau-de-vie of our beloved France, which
is, 1 am satisfied, better suited to my constitution.]
The best spirits are those made from Sorgho (Kuo-lyang), or wheat.
[I thank the Government for the information, the accuracy of
which I shall lose no opportunity of testing. Among 360 millions
of people there must be a vast variety of drinks, as to which—
the Government will pardon me for observing—science can as yet
be but imperfectly informed. It shall be my object to submit all
the fermented liquors I meet with to quantitative and qualitative
analysis, for the information of the Government.]
10. Bat moderately.
[A paternal Government has placed any infraction of this most
valuable rule out of my power. My rations are by no means
excessive; and my sou a day of pocket-money does not enable
me to overload the stomach by any dangerous addition to them.]
11. Never eat ducks.
[I never do—they are a delicacy reserved for my superiors. I
have seen them in Ciievet’s windows, and in those of the
restaurants.]
The best meat is that of Tonquin, ichen not too fat.
(This observation is valuable; but I have never yet met with any
meat to which I could conscientiously apply the epithet “ too
fat” or “too lean” either. The soldier’s pot au feu, like
death, levels all distinctions.]
12. Eat but sparingly of sweets and fruits.
[Such is my practice, as these luxuries
plunder, and plunder is abhorrent to
soldier.]
The sugar-cane is almost the only wholesome sweet thing.
[Ah, Messieurs de la Commission Sanitaire, make a reservation in
favour of sucre de pommel]
All others are either too heating, or sit cold on the stomach.
r[I have not found this borne out in practice.]
Never eat fruit too ripe.
[1 never will; but till now I cannot recal any instance in which 1
have found fruit in this condition. It maybe different in China.]
13. As soon as you arrive in the country, acquire the habit of eating rice
as the natives cook it.
[This will cost me no trouble. Consider the habit acquired.
Messieurs. I willnot only eat it as the natives cook it, but insist
on their cooking it, that I may acquire the habit of eating it.]
Their rice is much better than bread, which is always heating.
[Thanks for the information. As I said, with regard to fruit, I
have never found myself heated by any quantity of bread I
could procure. I submit myself for any experiment Messieurs de
la Commission Sanitaire may wish to institute upon me, as to the
allowance of bread necessary to produce the alleged heating
effect.]
}Vhen you smoke spit as little as possible.
[I never spit at all.]
At night, take care to cover your head well, more particularly your
eyes.
[1 demand 26,000 bonnets cle colon- Consecrated as that article has
hitherto been to the Epicier, the French soldier will not refuse
to wear it at the demand of the Emperor.]
In hot weather avoid cold places ; draughts are always dangerous.
[I request to be informed if this refer to “draughts to be drunk,”
or “ draughts to be played ” ? If the former, I admit the danger
—and, as a French soldier, I fly to meet it. If the latter, I
wish to knowr whether the remark extends to dominoes—my
favourite game.]
17. In spring and autumn take care never to get wet-footed in the morning.
[How, if _my boots wear out, or the enemy be stationed on the
other side of a stream, or a mud-flat F]
Never take a nap in the day time.
[The old troupier never sleeps—unless like the weasel, with one
eye open. But let Messieurs les Ofliciers take care I have my
regular night’s rest unbroken, and I promise not to close even
one eye during the day. On any other condition I am compelled
to demur to this rule.]
14.
15.
1C.
IS.
Sympathy with the Pope.
Tiie Government of the Pope must be unpopular indeed, when the
very Romans themselves are crying out “No Popery!” The title of
his Sacred Highness, when he has received his papal conge, might be
conveniently altered to “ Pio No-No Pope.” His temporal power
seems now to be so very short-lived, that his rule, instead of temporal,
might be appropriately designated as pro-tempore.
Aldermanic \ acancy.—Sir RoBEr\T Cahden opening his mind.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,
239
GOOD ADVICE,
French paper, the
Honiteur de VArmee,
has published the
following eighteen
golden rules for the
guidance of the troops
going to Canton, to
which Mr. Punchbags
to append Full Privat e
Jean Toulourotj’s
comment.
1. Have tv arm do th-
ing in tcinter.
[With great plea-
sure, if the Govern-
ment will supply me
with it. I would
suggest at the same
time the propriety
of serving out foot-
warmers to stand-
at - ease in, hot -
water tins for our
beds, carpets for
our tents, and
camp-stools, witli cushions for us to sit down upon.]
2. Never remain in damp or wet clothes, unless you are at work or on
the march.
[L would much rather not. In order to enable me to follow' this
excellent direction, I should be extremely obliged by the Go-
vernment serving out to me a complete change of upper and
under-clothing, with the means of conveying them otherwise
than upon my back, which has to support more than it can
comfortably carry already.]
3. In summer wear light clothing of soft wool, or Urtica nivea linen. Be
careful to wash this clothing when ids soaked with perspiration.
[Nothing could be more comfortable, if the Government will be kind
enough to provide me writh the soft and light woollen clothing.
As to the JJrtica nivea linen, I should be obliged by information
what it is, and where and howr it is to be come by. The recom-
mendation as to washing has my approval, and I trust will be
followed by the requisite allowance of soap, the proper facilities
for a supply of hot-water, and an allotment of washerwomen to
each regiment.]
4. Wear flannel, both as a waistcoat and round the abdomen. Never
leave it off.
[I won’t, if once I can get it on. Eu attendant, I can only wish
I may get it.]
5. Never sleep on the bare ground.
[1 solemnly promise never to do so, if I can get anything softer
and pleasanter to sleep upon.]
Put a plank under your feet when you stand still.
[Two, if the Government will oblige me with them, and inform me
how I am to get ’em along with my knapsack, musket, ammuni-
tion, provisions, cooking utensils, and tente d'abri ]
6. In summer put a little straw upon your plank.
[“ A Little ! ” I will invest it with a layer a foot deep,—given the
straw.]
And cover it with a matting of rope-yarn or bamboo.
[All—Messieurs of the Sanitary Commission, when you are about
it, couldn’t you make it a spring mattrass or an edredon I]
7. Never drink water—
[Never, if I can get anything stronger.]
Always tea.
[Corbleu! I am not prepared to give this undertaking, unless
the tea be properly corrected with eau-de-vie, rhum, Icirsch, or
other means of quenching thirst known to the soldier. The au
naturel is a British beverage, and as such distasteful to every
true soldier of France.]
S. Clarify your water, ichen it is muddy, with rock alum.
[Why rock-alum ? I shall be perfectly satisfied with the clarifying
powers of cognac. Nay, I prefer that fluid to rock-alum, if a
paternal Government will permit me a choice.]
9. Drink in moderation the spirits of the country, taking care to warm
them first.
[ I will. I respect the institutions of a ponche damboyante, or a groc
chaud. If the Government wish me to abstain altogether from
the spirits of the country, they have but to serve me out a
can only be procured by
the heart of the French
sufficient ration of the eau-de-vie of our beloved France, which
is, 1 am satisfied, better suited to my constitution.]
The best spirits are those made from Sorgho (Kuo-lyang), or wheat.
[I thank the Government for the information, the accuracy of
which I shall lose no opportunity of testing. Among 360 millions
of people there must be a vast variety of drinks, as to which—
the Government will pardon me for observing—science can as yet
be but imperfectly informed. It shall be my object to submit all
the fermented liquors I meet with to quantitative and qualitative
analysis, for the information of the Government.]
10. Bat moderately.
[A paternal Government has placed any infraction of this most
valuable rule out of my power. My rations are by no means
excessive; and my sou a day of pocket-money does not enable
me to overload the stomach by any dangerous addition to them.]
11. Never eat ducks.
[I never do—they are a delicacy reserved for my superiors. I
have seen them in Ciievet’s windows, and in those of the
restaurants.]
The best meat is that of Tonquin, ichen not too fat.
(This observation is valuable; but I have never yet met with any
meat to which I could conscientiously apply the epithet “ too
fat” or “too lean” either. The soldier’s pot au feu, like
death, levels all distinctions.]
12. Eat but sparingly of sweets and fruits.
[Such is my practice, as these luxuries
plunder, and plunder is abhorrent to
soldier.]
The sugar-cane is almost the only wholesome sweet thing.
[Ah, Messieurs de la Commission Sanitaire, make a reservation in
favour of sucre de pommel]
All others are either too heating, or sit cold on the stomach.
r[I have not found this borne out in practice.]
Never eat fruit too ripe.
[1 never will; but till now I cannot recal any instance in which 1
have found fruit in this condition. It maybe different in China.]
13. As soon as you arrive in the country, acquire the habit of eating rice
as the natives cook it.
[This will cost me no trouble. Consider the habit acquired.
Messieurs. I willnot only eat it as the natives cook it, but insist
on their cooking it, that I may acquire the habit of eating it.]
Their rice is much better than bread, which is always heating.
[Thanks for the information. As I said, with regard to fruit, I
have never found myself heated by any quantity of bread I
could procure. I submit myself for any experiment Messieurs de
la Commission Sanitaire may wish to institute upon me, as to the
allowance of bread necessary to produce the alleged heating
effect.]
}Vhen you smoke spit as little as possible.
[I never spit at all.]
At night, take care to cover your head well, more particularly your
eyes.
[1 demand 26,000 bonnets cle colon- Consecrated as that article has
hitherto been to the Epicier, the French soldier will not refuse
to wear it at the demand of the Emperor.]
In hot weather avoid cold places ; draughts are always dangerous.
[I request to be informed if this refer to “draughts to be drunk,”
or “ draughts to be played ” ? If the former, I admit the danger
—and, as a French soldier, I fly to meet it. If the latter, I
wish to knowr whether the remark extends to dominoes—my
favourite game.]
17. In spring and autumn take care never to get wet-footed in the morning.
[How, if _my boots wear out, or the enemy be stationed on the
other side of a stream, or a mud-flat F]
Never take a nap in the day time.
[The old troupier never sleeps—unless like the weasel, with one
eye open. But let Messieurs les Ofliciers take care I have my
regular night’s rest unbroken, and I promise not to close even
one eye during the day. On any other condition I am compelled
to demur to this rule.]
14.
15.
1C.
IS.
Sympathy with the Pope.
Tiie Government of the Pope must be unpopular indeed, when the
very Romans themselves are crying out “No Popery!” The title of
his Sacred Highness, when he has received his papal conge, might be
conveniently altered to “ Pio No-No Pope.” His temporal power
seems now to be so very short-lived, that his rule, instead of temporal,
might be appropriately designated as pro-tempore.
Aldermanic \ acancy.—Sir RoBEr\T Cahden opening his mind.