DOI Heft:
December 17, 1859
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16864#0263
252
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
[December 17, 1859.
I
i
Beware of (hat confounded Mecllaval Knocker that Flamhoy brought from Belgium, and put
on the door of his Chambers, udiich opens outwards, or you, 'll (oet a Black Eye as we did.
PART ANT POUR LA RUE BAKER
It was Bile Noyes, the yeoman brave.
Was in the tillage line.
But first he set his heart upon
His stock of beeves and swine;
Ilis mind to cattle most was given,
And “darn,” he swore, “ my wig !
But I will breed the hugest ox,
And rear the fattest pig.”
This point of honour, weight of swine,
And ox as highly scored.
He proved it at the Smith field Club,
Before both squire and lord,
And cried as to the judges’ view
He bore the monsters big.
“Now bain’t this here the hugest ox ?
That there the fattest pig ? ”
They owned his victory—due the palm—
And then the chairman said :
“ The ox that is for honour grown,
On oilcake must be fed;
On barley-meal hog, boar, or -sow,
Aud tubs of wash to swig;
That’s how you cram the hugest ox,
And stuff the fattest pig.”
So round his neck the prize was tied.
And then they went to dine,
Which makes a farmer’s heaven on earth.
When beef and beer combine;
And every yeoman, lord, and ’squire,
Conservative and Whig,
Drank “Honour to the hugest ox,
Be praised the fattest pig ! ”
The Hills that Rome is Heir to.
Rome is seated on seven hills. There is another
hill, also, connected with Roman foundations, and that
is the Ultramontane. It is an ugly black-browed hill
that holds its head very high indeed, and is extremely
difficult to get over. However, this hill (round which
donkeys are fond of gathering in great numbers), is
not near the Vatican; the exact latitude of the Ultra-
montane is to lie far beyond Rome.
TAILORS OF THE FRENCH TOOLEY STREET.
We are requested by Viscount Palmerston to publish the fol-
lowing letter, which was addressed to Her Majesty by four Merchants
of Marseilles, and the reply.
“Madame, “Marseilles, Dec. 15th, 1S59.
“The Emperor of this country is an impenetrable mystery,
and his ministers are slaves. It is of no use, therefore, for us to apply
to them for information as to probable events in Europe. We should
receive an invitation to mind our own business. Under these circum-
stances, we take the liberty of requesting your Majesty to favour us
with a little news. We learn that England is arming from end to end,
that from John Grouts to Silly Isle, from Osbon to Berric, the bugle
calls the riflemen to drill, that many millions of these Voluntaires are
enregistered, and that they are full of the martial spirit.
“ Manifestly, Madame, there is but one nation of the world that is
worth the enmity of England. She has chastised other nations, but
as one chastises a child for his good, and with no particle of hate. But
Prance she hates, as her superior, with a fierce and an undying hatred.
England thirsts to renew the glory of Agincourt and Poictiers, of
Malplaquet and Blenheim, of Salamanca and Waterloo. She asks
once more to see her coarse-fed legionaries rampant in the Champs
Elys6es. We need hardly say, Madame, that we do not hold you
responsible for the evil hearts of your people. It is your misfortune
to be Queen of such a race, and you have our sympathy.
“ But, Madame, as business is very much interfered with by the
reports of war, and as we have no burning desire to purchase costly
fabrics of cloth and velvet to be the spoil of British cruisers, we take
the liberty of asking your Majesty what your Councillors design to
do. Is this mighty force of Rifles intended for the invasion of Prance,
or is your ferocious Army to be used for that malignity, while the
Merchants.
Voluntaires protect the coast from the avenging fury of our troops ?
We shall be much obliged by a reply by return of post. We en-
close a postage-stamp, and are,
“ Madame,
“ Yours very truly,
“ Dubois,
Blanc,
“ To II.31. the Queen, Santerre,
“England Negus,
“(near France).
“ P.S.—If you are going to invade, be so good as to mention in your
reply where the landing will be attempted.”
Answer.
“Downing Street, Dec. 16.
“Lord Palmerston presents his best compliments to MM. Dubois,
Blanc, Santerre, and Negus, and has just had the pleasure of
handing their letter to the French Ambassador in England. Lord
Palmerston wishes them excessively nice weather on their voyage to
Cayenne.” _
A Smash Among the South American Crockery.
Our old friend “The Plate,” of which we had heard nothing for
some time, has turned up again, and with such news of row, skrim-
mage, battle, burning, and destruction—what with Urquiza and his
army, Buenos Ayres and her soldiers, Lopez and Paraguay, Montevideo
and her President — ail jostling, buffetting, rebelling, and revolu-
tionising, that the wonder would be if the “Plate” were not—not
that it is—“ cracked ” beyond all hope of mending.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
[December 17, 1859.
I
i
Beware of (hat confounded Mecllaval Knocker that Flamhoy brought from Belgium, and put
on the door of his Chambers, udiich opens outwards, or you, 'll (oet a Black Eye as we did.
PART ANT POUR LA RUE BAKER
It was Bile Noyes, the yeoman brave.
Was in the tillage line.
But first he set his heart upon
His stock of beeves and swine;
Ilis mind to cattle most was given,
And “darn,” he swore, “ my wig !
But I will breed the hugest ox,
And rear the fattest pig.”
This point of honour, weight of swine,
And ox as highly scored.
He proved it at the Smith field Club,
Before both squire and lord,
And cried as to the judges’ view
He bore the monsters big.
“Now bain’t this here the hugest ox ?
That there the fattest pig ? ”
They owned his victory—due the palm—
And then the chairman said :
“ The ox that is for honour grown,
On oilcake must be fed;
On barley-meal hog, boar, or -sow,
Aud tubs of wash to swig;
That’s how you cram the hugest ox,
And stuff the fattest pig.”
So round his neck the prize was tied.
And then they went to dine,
Which makes a farmer’s heaven on earth.
When beef and beer combine;
And every yeoman, lord, and ’squire,
Conservative and Whig,
Drank “Honour to the hugest ox,
Be praised the fattest pig ! ”
The Hills that Rome is Heir to.
Rome is seated on seven hills. There is another
hill, also, connected with Roman foundations, and that
is the Ultramontane. It is an ugly black-browed hill
that holds its head very high indeed, and is extremely
difficult to get over. However, this hill (round which
donkeys are fond of gathering in great numbers), is
not near the Vatican; the exact latitude of the Ultra-
montane is to lie far beyond Rome.
TAILORS OF THE FRENCH TOOLEY STREET.
We are requested by Viscount Palmerston to publish the fol-
lowing letter, which was addressed to Her Majesty by four Merchants
of Marseilles, and the reply.
“Madame, “Marseilles, Dec. 15th, 1S59.
“The Emperor of this country is an impenetrable mystery,
and his ministers are slaves. It is of no use, therefore, for us to apply
to them for information as to probable events in Europe. We should
receive an invitation to mind our own business. Under these circum-
stances, we take the liberty of requesting your Majesty to favour us
with a little news. We learn that England is arming from end to end,
that from John Grouts to Silly Isle, from Osbon to Berric, the bugle
calls the riflemen to drill, that many millions of these Voluntaires are
enregistered, and that they are full of the martial spirit.
“ Manifestly, Madame, there is but one nation of the world that is
worth the enmity of England. She has chastised other nations, but
as one chastises a child for his good, and with no particle of hate. But
Prance she hates, as her superior, with a fierce and an undying hatred.
England thirsts to renew the glory of Agincourt and Poictiers, of
Malplaquet and Blenheim, of Salamanca and Waterloo. She asks
once more to see her coarse-fed legionaries rampant in the Champs
Elys6es. We need hardly say, Madame, that we do not hold you
responsible for the evil hearts of your people. It is your misfortune
to be Queen of such a race, and you have our sympathy.
“ But, Madame, as business is very much interfered with by the
reports of war, and as we have no burning desire to purchase costly
fabrics of cloth and velvet to be the spoil of British cruisers, we take
the liberty of asking your Majesty what your Councillors design to
do. Is this mighty force of Rifles intended for the invasion of Prance,
or is your ferocious Army to be used for that malignity, while the
Merchants.
Voluntaires protect the coast from the avenging fury of our troops ?
We shall be much obliged by a reply by return of post. We en-
close a postage-stamp, and are,
“ Madame,
“ Yours very truly,
“ Dubois,
Blanc,
“ To II.31. the Queen, Santerre,
“England Negus,
“(near France).
“ P.S.—If you are going to invade, be so good as to mention in your
reply where the landing will be attempted.”
Answer.
“Downing Street, Dec. 16.
“Lord Palmerston presents his best compliments to MM. Dubois,
Blanc, Santerre, and Negus, and has just had the pleasure of
handing their letter to the French Ambassador in England. Lord
Palmerston wishes them excessively nice weather on their voyage to
Cayenne.” _
A Smash Among the South American Crockery.
Our old friend “The Plate,” of which we had heard nothing for
some time, has turned up again, and with such news of row, skrim-
mage, battle, burning, and destruction—what with Urquiza and his
army, Buenos Ayres and her soldiers, Lopez and Paraguay, Montevideo
and her President — ail jostling, buffetting, rebelling, and revolu-
tionising, that the wonder would be if the “Plate” were not—not
that it is—“ cracked ” beyond all hope of mending.