Punch (47.1864)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.—December 31, 1864.

Mr. Punch is in Ms Library, smoking. Mrs. Punch in an arm-chair, knitting a Counterpane. The faithful Toby

announces “The Earl oe Derby.”

"ly/TIt. PUNCH. Admit him to The Presence. Don’t go, Judina. The Earl is a very delightful person.

^ 1 Mrs. P. No, dear, I am not dressed,—and look at my hair.

Mr. P. Since I was first tangled in its meshes, I never saw it looking prettier.

Mrs. P. Nonsense, you great goose. \fExit.

Enter Lord Derby, with tivo books.

Lord D. (whose quick eye catches sight of a crinoline and graceful head vanishing through a bookcase door.) Gfood
morning, Mr. Punch. But—1 fear I have disturbed a pleasanter interview.

Mr. P. I was merely checking the washing-bill for the week, my dear Lord. Take the chair vacated by my
Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Lord L). (seats himself). Some people say that there is a Chancellor of the Exchequer ready to take another chair
when vacated.

Mr. P. Do they P I know nothing about politics. (Hands cigar-case.)

Lord L). That’s a little too strong.

Mr. P. I assure you no. It is quite mild.

Lord D. I didn’t mean the cigar, but the assertion. You, who know every move on the board, and could play
the game—or six games—blindfolded.

Mr. P. Only one-—Blindmau’s Buff. I like that at Christmas, because it compels one to feel for one’s fellow-
creatures.

Lord JD. Very good, very good.

Mr. P. Praise from Sir Hubert—that is, from Edward—Stanley, is—and so forth. And what have you got
there ? I am glad to see that you are not too great a man to carry things for yourself.

Lord L). (winks.) I can’t always carry everything I should like to carry. But as for books, a great Oxford Don
told me, in my youth, that there were three things any gentleman might have under his arm—a book, a gold-headed cane,
and a handsome woman. Apropos of the latter, I again apologise for having sent Mrs. Punch out of the room.

Mr. P. I scorn to repay your courtesy, my dear Derby, by remarking that Conservatives have not always been so
scrupulous about turning out women.