DOI issue:
July 9, 1864
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16874#0019
July 9, 1864.
INCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
11
A MAN TRAP.
Lady. ‘'Charles, dear, I’m really afraid my Crinoline is coming off.”
Husband (Suddenly bursting into a Cold Perspiration). “By Jove, let’s Bolt
into this Bonnet Shop.” [<SoM.
AN APPEAL TO ENGLAND.
Englishmen, Countrymen, Friends !—remain no longer
insensible to the taunts which are so earnestly addressed
to you by foreigners, and are so thoughtfully taken up and
repeated by candid and well-intentioned and beneficial
persons amongst ourselves. Do recognise the truth that
you are laughed at by your well-wishers, and let them lash
you into that noble rage with which their ridicule ought
long since to have inflamed you.
Draw the sword instantly; nevermind if you can only
flourish it in the air. Level the bayonet, notwithstanding
that you see nothing within your reach to charge. Fire,
though there be no enemy within range of your rifled
ordnance, and your shot fall harmless, and your shells
explode ineffectually in the atmosphere.
What a set of cowards you will deserve to he called if you
hesitate to pit ten thousand men against only half a million !
What a nation of mean, stingy, sordid shopkeepers you
will justly be styled if you sit down for a moment to count
the cost of a war that may not come to much more than
two or three hundred, and will perhaps let you in for less
than a thousand millions sterling!
Will you be basely unmindful of the gratitude with which
you have uniformly been repaid by other nations for the
slight assistance which, when their liberties have been
assailed and their soil invaded, you have occasionally ren-
dered them at an insignificant expense both of life and
money ?
Show yourselves, for once, at the invitation of the whole
world, which is solicitous for your welfare no less than
your honour, capable of going to war for an Idea other than
that of getting anything by doing so; indeed just the reverse
of it.
Do not grudge the industrious Yankees any number of
merckantships which their privateers will capture sailing
under your enemy’s flag. Follow the example of disinte-
rested, self-sacrificing, enthusiastic generosity which is set
you by almost all the other nations around you.
Compulsory Abstinence.—The Maine Law is defined
by its advocates, “ Liberty without Licence.”
Definition.—An Elevated Taste may be defined as a
Liking for High Yenison.
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.
June 27th. Monday. It is difficult to say what took people in such
crowds to make themselves uncomfortable, for hours, in both Houses of
Parliament to-day, inasmuch as all the newspapers had told us, at break-
fast, that the Government of the Queen would not go to war with
Germany. But there were great crowds; and the Prince of Wales,
with his and our endeared Princess, went to the House of Lords to
hear Earl Hussell.
Were not Mr. Punch writing for Posterity, he would add nothing to
the above paragraph. But ages after all the newspapers of Tuesday,
the 28th of June, 1864, shall have become scattered and undistinguish-
able dust, his adamantine tablets will be consulted for the history of
England. He therefore respectfully apprises the Ages that on this
afternoon Yiscount Palmerston, Premier of England, cetatis—never
mind, but he was born in 1784—and Earl Russell, Foreign Secretary,
born 1792, delivered two of the most remarkable speeches made by
them in the whole course of their prolonged Parliamentary history.
They gave narratives of the progress of the Dano-German quarrel,
stated the effect of the Treaty of London of 1852 (that famous Pro-
missory Note to which France, Russia, and England were parties, but
which the two former signatanes hint that England alone ought to pay,
only England doesn’t seem to see it in that light), referred to the Fede-
ral Execution, and then to the German Burglarious Entry, and to the
war in which Denmark made such gallant resistance to the hordes of
invaders. Though both Lords were friends of the late Tom Moore,
they missed a fine opportunity of quoting one of his finest passages:—
“ But vain was valour, vain the flower
Of Denmark in that dreadful hour
Against the German’s whelming power.
In vain they met him, helm to helm,
Upon the threshold of the realm
He came in brutal force to sway.
And with their corpses blocked Iris way."
But then Lords have not Mr. Punch's fine memory and prompt habit
of adaptation. But they proceeded to say that the parties who signed
the Treaty of 1852 suggested a Conference ; that England had tried, in
vain, to obtain a previous armistice, but that suspension of hostilities
was arranged by the Council which met in London. Then we were told
of the discussions, which it is of the less consequence to describe, seeing
that .they ended in nothing but the exchange of polite bows, ami the
assurances of the foreigners that they had enjoyed a delightful visit to
the Isle of Fogs. Denmark conceded all Holstein and nearly half Schles-
wig at the suggestion of England, but refused to retreat behind a certain
line, while the Burglars declared that they would have more. Then the
King of Denmark said that he would resume the fight for the rest of
his possessions. The armistice, prolonged to six weeks, expired, and
the slaughter has been resumed.
We all knew all this. Then came the question, was England to go
to war for Denmark ?
Lord Palmerston said that Denmark had been ill used, and that the
sympathies of the whole English nation were with her.
But in the very origin of the quarrel she had been wrong, though she
had completely set herself right.
She rejected the last demand at the Conference, though her accepl-
ance of it might have led to peace.
France and Russia had refused to draw the sword for her.
Therefore, if England interfered, she would have to encounter the
whole force of Germany.
The Government of the Queen had not thought it their duty to g.»
to war.
But if Copenhagen were attacked, or the King of Denmark were
made a prisoner, their decision might be subject to reconsideration.
Such was the Premier’s statement, and Earl Russell’s was like
unto it, but he added that we were the more bound to remain neutral
now, as the War in America might end, and then we might have, at
any time, a rupture with a nation possessing an enormous army and a
powerful navy.
To the which speeches provisional replies were made by the leaders of
Opposition.
INCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
11
A MAN TRAP.
Lady. ‘'Charles, dear, I’m really afraid my Crinoline is coming off.”
Husband (Suddenly bursting into a Cold Perspiration). “By Jove, let’s Bolt
into this Bonnet Shop.” [<SoM.
AN APPEAL TO ENGLAND.
Englishmen, Countrymen, Friends !—remain no longer
insensible to the taunts which are so earnestly addressed
to you by foreigners, and are so thoughtfully taken up and
repeated by candid and well-intentioned and beneficial
persons amongst ourselves. Do recognise the truth that
you are laughed at by your well-wishers, and let them lash
you into that noble rage with which their ridicule ought
long since to have inflamed you.
Draw the sword instantly; nevermind if you can only
flourish it in the air. Level the bayonet, notwithstanding
that you see nothing within your reach to charge. Fire,
though there be no enemy within range of your rifled
ordnance, and your shot fall harmless, and your shells
explode ineffectually in the atmosphere.
What a set of cowards you will deserve to he called if you
hesitate to pit ten thousand men against only half a million !
What a nation of mean, stingy, sordid shopkeepers you
will justly be styled if you sit down for a moment to count
the cost of a war that may not come to much more than
two or three hundred, and will perhaps let you in for less
than a thousand millions sterling!
Will you be basely unmindful of the gratitude with which
you have uniformly been repaid by other nations for the
slight assistance which, when their liberties have been
assailed and their soil invaded, you have occasionally ren-
dered them at an insignificant expense both of life and
money ?
Show yourselves, for once, at the invitation of the whole
world, which is solicitous for your welfare no less than
your honour, capable of going to war for an Idea other than
that of getting anything by doing so; indeed just the reverse
of it.
Do not grudge the industrious Yankees any number of
merckantships which their privateers will capture sailing
under your enemy’s flag. Follow the example of disinte-
rested, self-sacrificing, enthusiastic generosity which is set
you by almost all the other nations around you.
Compulsory Abstinence.—The Maine Law is defined
by its advocates, “ Liberty without Licence.”
Definition.—An Elevated Taste may be defined as a
Liking for High Yenison.
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.
June 27th. Monday. It is difficult to say what took people in such
crowds to make themselves uncomfortable, for hours, in both Houses of
Parliament to-day, inasmuch as all the newspapers had told us, at break-
fast, that the Government of the Queen would not go to war with
Germany. But there were great crowds; and the Prince of Wales,
with his and our endeared Princess, went to the House of Lords to
hear Earl Hussell.
Were not Mr. Punch writing for Posterity, he would add nothing to
the above paragraph. But ages after all the newspapers of Tuesday,
the 28th of June, 1864, shall have become scattered and undistinguish-
able dust, his adamantine tablets will be consulted for the history of
England. He therefore respectfully apprises the Ages that on this
afternoon Yiscount Palmerston, Premier of England, cetatis—never
mind, but he was born in 1784—and Earl Russell, Foreign Secretary,
born 1792, delivered two of the most remarkable speeches made by
them in the whole course of their prolonged Parliamentary history.
They gave narratives of the progress of the Dano-German quarrel,
stated the effect of the Treaty of London of 1852 (that famous Pro-
missory Note to which France, Russia, and England were parties, but
which the two former signatanes hint that England alone ought to pay,
only England doesn’t seem to see it in that light), referred to the Fede-
ral Execution, and then to the German Burglarious Entry, and to the
war in which Denmark made such gallant resistance to the hordes of
invaders. Though both Lords were friends of the late Tom Moore,
they missed a fine opportunity of quoting one of his finest passages:—
“ But vain was valour, vain the flower
Of Denmark in that dreadful hour
Against the German’s whelming power.
In vain they met him, helm to helm,
Upon the threshold of the realm
He came in brutal force to sway.
And with their corpses blocked Iris way."
But then Lords have not Mr. Punch's fine memory and prompt habit
of adaptation. But they proceeded to say that the parties who signed
the Treaty of 1852 suggested a Conference ; that England had tried, in
vain, to obtain a previous armistice, but that suspension of hostilities
was arranged by the Council which met in London. Then we were told
of the discussions, which it is of the less consequence to describe, seeing
that .they ended in nothing but the exchange of polite bows, ami the
assurances of the foreigners that they had enjoyed a delightful visit to
the Isle of Fogs. Denmark conceded all Holstein and nearly half Schles-
wig at the suggestion of England, but refused to retreat behind a certain
line, while the Burglars declared that they would have more. Then the
King of Denmark said that he would resume the fight for the rest of
his possessions. The armistice, prolonged to six weeks, expired, and
the slaughter has been resumed.
We all knew all this. Then came the question, was England to go
to war for Denmark ?
Lord Palmerston said that Denmark had been ill used, and that the
sympathies of the whole English nation were with her.
But in the very origin of the quarrel she had been wrong, though she
had completely set herself right.
She rejected the last demand at the Conference, though her accepl-
ance of it might have led to peace.
France and Russia had refused to draw the sword for her.
Therefore, if England interfered, she would have to encounter the
whole force of Germany.
The Government of the Queen had not thought it their duty to g.»
to war.
But if Copenhagen were attacked, or the King of Denmark were
made a prisoner, their decision might be subject to reconsideration.
Such was the Premier’s statement, and Earl Russell’s was like
unto it, but he added that we were the more bound to remain neutral
now, as the War in America might end, and then we might have, at
any time, a rupture with a nation possessing an enormous army and a
powerful navy.
To the which speeches provisional replies were made by the leaders of
Opposition.