DOI Heft:
August 20, 1864
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16874#0079
August 20, 1864.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
71
Federal Malingerer (in robust Health, to English Officer whom he meets at a Neio York
Hotel). “ Wal, Sir! You see my Leave caved last week, but I ain’t goin
Back yet. I’ve got Gastric Fever now, and guess Next Month I ’ll have
Small Pox!”
English Offiicer {rather taken alack). “ Gastric Fever—and Small Pox ! Really
I don’t Understand!”
Federal Malingerer. “ Why ! way’s this. I go to a Civilian Doctor, and tell
him I want a Month's Sick Leave—and I just give him Twenty Dollars,
so he Certifies I’m Sick, and goes to an Army Doctor who Certifies
it-is-so. I git my Leave, and the Two Doctors Trouser the Hollars
between ’em ! ” [Spits, and cuts a fresh plug of Tobacco.
THE KING OP PRUSSIA’S HOUNDS.
{Song by Herr Yon Bismarck.)
King William; supreme reigns by true right divine.
With a will that owns not any bounds.
His realm is a kennel, his people canine,
And I am his Master of Hounds.
Dogs, to drink and smoke none faster
Guzzle beer or blow canaster;
Dogs, led as sheep by pastor ;
Led by me.
I am the Kennel Master;
Don’t you see ?
The Kennel was only a short time ago
Disturbed with a mutinous row ;
The dogs howled and growled; made of teeth a slight
show.
And a terrible deal of bow-wow.
Dogs to drink, &c.
Brute natures by human, through craft, are compelled
With the strength of superior brains;
And so, when the Kennel had almost rebelled,
I hounded the pack on the Danes.
Dogs to drink, &c.
They flew, tooth and nail, at the throats of the foes
Bor my purpose at whom they were set.
And thus did I, leading these dogs by their nose,
Their grievances make them forget:
Dogs to drink, &c.
Now, gorged, they will go back to Kennel again.
There in quiet contentedly lie.
Submitting to have on the muzzle and chain,
If paws and tongue need be to tie :
Dogs to drink, &c.
How deeply, how slyly those dogs I have done1
Like a fox, how the pack I have sold !
If they find that out, I may be taken for one.
And get served like Act.seon of old.
Dogs to drink, &c.
A Geographical Bad ’un.
In what respect does the land on the banks of the Wye
differ from that at Land’s End, Cornwall ?
In this, viz., that the one is on a W~y e-stream, and the
other on an Ex-treme.
To Continental Speculators.—Poetical and Eligible
Investment.—“ Buy the margin of fair Zurich’s waters.
Tulla-liety,” &c.
THE NAGGLETONS ON VOLUNTEERING.
Mr. Naggleton has dined in Town. Mrs. Naggleton has dined zoith
the Children. He has returned about Six o'clock. Scene—The
Drawing-Room.
Mr. Naggleton {cheerily). Anybody called?
Mrs. Naggleton {coldly). Who should call at this time of year, when
every decent person is out of town ?
Mr. N. {playfully). I asked an answer, not a question.
Mrs. N. {as before). No one has called on me.
Mr. N. rings the bell.
Mrs. N. What do you want?
Mr. N. I want the belt answered. That was one reason why I
rang it.
Mrs. N. The servants are busy.
Mr. N. Now, how should yoti know? Surely such domestic details
are beneath your notice. I doubt whether you know how many
servants we have. Here is one, however.
Enter Housemaid.
Has anyone called for me ?
Housemaid. Only the taxes, Sir, and Mr. Windham Waring. He
said he hadn’t a card, but his love, and you was to be punctual at eight
to be grilled.
Mr. N. I understand.
Housemaid. And there is a large parcel of clothes for you, Sir. I
have put it in the dressing-room. [Exit Housemaid.
Mr. N. What a blessing this rain has been. The country must look
lovely.
Mrs. N. That concerns those who are allowed to see it, not me.
Mr. N. All in good time, my dear. The taxes. I thought I had
paid them.
Mrs. N. 0 dear, don’t apologise for leaving your wife exposed to
duns. A man’s home is the last thing he thinks of.
Mr. N. The first and the last, if he’s a good man.
Mrs. N. Bat the insolence of officials must be borne—a woman
cannot help herself when a husband is unwilling or unable to meet his
debts,—but I will not bear vulgar people coming and leaving joking
messages with my domestics.
Mr. N. No, I told you it was not the thing when we were walking
out last night, and you left word with Mrs. Snotchley’s Martha, to
say that you supposed her Mistress had been washed away by the rain.
Mrs. N. Will you be good enough to tell Mr. Waring that if he
chooses to persist in calling here, he had better behave like a gentleman ?
Mr. N. I shall tell him nothing of the kind.
Mrs. N. Then I shall.
Mr. N. I can’t prevent your making an unladylike speech to anybody,
but that is scarcely the way to impress him with a sense of his error.
Mrs. A. We shall see. I am not afraid of him, though you are.
Mr. N. Am I ? I didn’t know it.
Mrs. N. Other people do.
Mr. N. Bless them.
Mrs. N. I wanted to call on the Baltimores this evening, but as
you have Mr. Waring’s orders to be somewhere else, of course that is
out of the question.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
71
Federal Malingerer (in robust Health, to English Officer whom he meets at a Neio York
Hotel). “ Wal, Sir! You see my Leave caved last week, but I ain’t goin
Back yet. I’ve got Gastric Fever now, and guess Next Month I ’ll have
Small Pox!”
English Offiicer {rather taken alack). “ Gastric Fever—and Small Pox ! Really
I don’t Understand!”
Federal Malingerer. “ Why ! way’s this. I go to a Civilian Doctor, and tell
him I want a Month's Sick Leave—and I just give him Twenty Dollars,
so he Certifies I’m Sick, and goes to an Army Doctor who Certifies
it-is-so. I git my Leave, and the Two Doctors Trouser the Hollars
between ’em ! ” [Spits, and cuts a fresh plug of Tobacco.
THE KING OP PRUSSIA’S HOUNDS.
{Song by Herr Yon Bismarck.)
King William; supreme reigns by true right divine.
With a will that owns not any bounds.
His realm is a kennel, his people canine,
And I am his Master of Hounds.
Dogs, to drink and smoke none faster
Guzzle beer or blow canaster;
Dogs, led as sheep by pastor ;
Led by me.
I am the Kennel Master;
Don’t you see ?
The Kennel was only a short time ago
Disturbed with a mutinous row ;
The dogs howled and growled; made of teeth a slight
show.
And a terrible deal of bow-wow.
Dogs to drink, &c.
Brute natures by human, through craft, are compelled
With the strength of superior brains;
And so, when the Kennel had almost rebelled,
I hounded the pack on the Danes.
Dogs to drink, &c.
They flew, tooth and nail, at the throats of the foes
Bor my purpose at whom they were set.
And thus did I, leading these dogs by their nose,
Their grievances make them forget:
Dogs to drink, &c.
Now, gorged, they will go back to Kennel again.
There in quiet contentedly lie.
Submitting to have on the muzzle and chain,
If paws and tongue need be to tie :
Dogs to drink, &c.
How deeply, how slyly those dogs I have done1
Like a fox, how the pack I have sold !
If they find that out, I may be taken for one.
And get served like Act.seon of old.
Dogs to drink, &c.
A Geographical Bad ’un.
In what respect does the land on the banks of the Wye
differ from that at Land’s End, Cornwall ?
In this, viz., that the one is on a W~y e-stream, and the
other on an Ex-treme.
To Continental Speculators.—Poetical and Eligible
Investment.—“ Buy the margin of fair Zurich’s waters.
Tulla-liety,” &c.
THE NAGGLETONS ON VOLUNTEERING.
Mr. Naggleton has dined in Town. Mrs. Naggleton has dined zoith
the Children. He has returned about Six o'clock. Scene—The
Drawing-Room.
Mr. Naggleton {cheerily). Anybody called?
Mrs. Naggleton {coldly). Who should call at this time of year, when
every decent person is out of town ?
Mr. N. {playfully). I asked an answer, not a question.
Mrs. N. {as before). No one has called on me.
Mr. N. rings the bell.
Mrs. N. What do you want?
Mr. N. I want the belt answered. That was one reason why I
rang it.
Mrs. N. The servants are busy.
Mr. N. Now, how should yoti know? Surely such domestic details
are beneath your notice. I doubt whether you know how many
servants we have. Here is one, however.
Enter Housemaid.
Has anyone called for me ?
Housemaid. Only the taxes, Sir, and Mr. Windham Waring. He
said he hadn’t a card, but his love, and you was to be punctual at eight
to be grilled.
Mr. N. I understand.
Housemaid. And there is a large parcel of clothes for you, Sir. I
have put it in the dressing-room. [Exit Housemaid.
Mr. N. What a blessing this rain has been. The country must look
lovely.
Mrs. N. That concerns those who are allowed to see it, not me.
Mr. N. All in good time, my dear. The taxes. I thought I had
paid them.
Mrs. N. 0 dear, don’t apologise for leaving your wife exposed to
duns. A man’s home is the last thing he thinks of.
Mr. N. The first and the last, if he’s a good man.
Mrs. N. Bat the insolence of officials must be borne—a woman
cannot help herself when a husband is unwilling or unable to meet his
debts,—but I will not bear vulgar people coming and leaving joking
messages with my domestics.
Mr. N. No, I told you it was not the thing when we were walking
out last night, and you left word with Mrs. Snotchley’s Martha, to
say that you supposed her Mistress had been washed away by the rain.
Mrs. N. Will you be good enough to tell Mr. Waring that if he
chooses to persist in calling here, he had better behave like a gentleman ?
Mr. N. I shall tell him nothing of the kind.
Mrs. N. Then I shall.
Mr. N. I can’t prevent your making an unladylike speech to anybody,
but that is scarcely the way to impress him with a sense of his error.
Mrs. A. We shall see. I am not afraid of him, though you are.
Mr. N. Am I ? I didn’t know it.
Mrs. N. Other people do.
Mr. N. Bless them.
Mrs. N. I wanted to call on the Baltimores this evening, but as
you have Mr. Waring’s orders to be somewhere else, of course that is
out of the question.