DOI Heft:
December 31, 1864
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16874#0271
December 31, 1864.1 PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
265
NO MORE BURSTING OE WATER-
PIPES !
Sir,—Permit me to offer the public a hint,
which, at the present festive but wintry season,
is calculated to prevent great inconvenience in
families, and save a large and respectable class
of tradesmen from an overwhelming excess of
business.
Persons who attend to those signs of the
Times which Admiral Eitzroy daily publishes
in that journal, and also keep a weather-eye open
to their own cheek, will generally be enabled
to foresee the approach of a frost. If they will
l hen immediately take the precaution of turning
the stopcocks of their waterpipes, so as to set
the_ water dripping, if ever so slowly, that will
suffice effectually to prevent the water in the
pipes from freezing, and the pipes from con-
sequently bursting.
This suggestion, to be sure, has not the merit
of novelty, but it may never have been known
to some, and may have been forgotten by
others, and it may be felt to come with more
weight from
A Plumber and Glazier.
Solder Street, Christmas, 1864.
[We have much pleasure in requesting our
generous correspondent to consider himself deco-
rated with the medal of the Society for the
Encouragement of Disinterested Benevolence.—•
Punch.]
COOL, BUT SEASONABLE.
Swell. ‘‘Well, Jones, who on earth are you now in for?”
Sheriff's Officer. “I ain’t in for no one; but I called to see whether your Honour
wouldn’t give me a Christmas Box, cause I have been here a many times during
THE YEAR.”
No Cure and High. Pay.
Quack medicine not only does not cure the
simpletons who have recourse to it, but makes
them worse. The practice of a Quack Doctor is
the most objectionable of all sine-cures.
THE KING OF PRUSSIA TO HIS ARMY.
The glorious warfare with Denmark is ended ;
Hurrah for the strong with the weak who contended!
You’ve won glorious prey with your rides and sabres ;
And have you not gloriously slaughter’d our neighbours ?
Nigh fifty years Prussia’s arms ne’er have been gory,
Save once, for a spurt; you’ve renewed their old glory ;
The privilege yours of that grand operation,
Dismemberment, done on the small Danish nation.
Proud Prussia, be thanked your heroic endeavour,
Shall Diippel and Alsen remember for ever !
Whilst up to your noses in bloodshed you waded,
My fleet, undismayed, the brave massacre aided.
My august ally’s forces with you, too, were landed,
'together you conquered the Danes single-handed.
Heaven’s blessing rests on you for special occasion,
You’ve been faithful, obedient, and brave in invasion.
While you against Denmark, on pretext of righting
Oppressed nationality, bravely were fighting,
One part of my army, with prowess surprising,
Prevented my bad Polish subjects from rising.
With joy and with pride I survey you, my glorious
Whole forces, returning with plunder, victorious;
May Heaven further watch over Prussia, and bless her,
And still of her neighbours’ possessions possess her.
Ecclesiastical Intelligence.
“ The revival at the Monastic System within the English Church,
would, ’ said tne Reverend Vicar of Bray, “ bring back evil times
to tne Church.” “Nay, my friend,” quoth Brother Ignatius,
t would restore not the evil but the mediaval times.” So saying he
retired.
A Christmas Present.—The Tip of the Tear.
SOMETHING LIKE A SCULLING MATCH!
Rowing readers of the Bristol Mercury, on Saturday, the seven-
teenth, must have been a little startled by the following : —
Great Boat Race.—The race between Frank Kilsby and David Coombes (son of
the late ex-champion), for £200, from Putney to Margate, came off on Tuesday. The
betting finally settled at 0 and 7 to 4 on Coombes. They got off to an excellent start.
Coombes won by 45 seconds.
The writer well may call this a “great” race, if it be true that the
two men did really row from Putney all the way to Margate. And
how surprising that the winner in such a match as this should have
headed his opponent by but five and forty seconds! It must have
been a long pull, and a strong pull, and a pull well together. Matches
usually take place from Putney merely up to Mortlake : but instead of
fancying there has been a misprint, we prefer to put on record, for the
benefit of some Macaulay of the future, this proof of the gigantic
powers of our oarsmen which this British print describes.
CANNIBALISM IN THE LAND OE CAKES.
At the last meeting of the Anthropological Society, according to a
report of that learned body’s proceedings, “the question of cannibalism
was taken up rather warmly by Mr. M. Clay, a native of Caithness,
who was anxious to exculpate his ancestors from such a charge.” Mr.
Clay argued that “the fact of the finding of a single jaw-bone of a
child among shells and bones, .the refuse of food, was no proof of
cannibalism.” Certainly. An isolated fact is no proof. It is ques-
tionable evidence. Bat what if that particular fact did prove can-
nibalism ? Of itself it would establish nothing more than the existence
of a pre-historic Sawney Bean, no ancestor, necessarily, of Mr.
Clay. At present cannibalism is unknown in the Land of Cakes.
Horse has been eaten by some Erenchmen; but no Scotch Sabbatarian
has as yet dined off donkey.
THE GREAT ROPE-TYING MISS-TERY is pictorially explained in
the last page of Punch’s Almanack, which contains a faithful picture of how
Professor Punch was tied in such a way that he had no power to free himself.
Don't be fool enough to go and give a guinea for a seance, when the Professor here
for Threepence shows you how to do the trick.
Vol. 47.
9
265
NO MORE BURSTING OE WATER-
PIPES !
Sir,—Permit me to offer the public a hint,
which, at the present festive but wintry season,
is calculated to prevent great inconvenience in
families, and save a large and respectable class
of tradesmen from an overwhelming excess of
business.
Persons who attend to those signs of the
Times which Admiral Eitzroy daily publishes
in that journal, and also keep a weather-eye open
to their own cheek, will generally be enabled
to foresee the approach of a frost. If they will
l hen immediately take the precaution of turning
the stopcocks of their waterpipes, so as to set
the_ water dripping, if ever so slowly, that will
suffice effectually to prevent the water in the
pipes from freezing, and the pipes from con-
sequently bursting.
This suggestion, to be sure, has not the merit
of novelty, but it may never have been known
to some, and may have been forgotten by
others, and it may be felt to come with more
weight from
A Plumber and Glazier.
Solder Street, Christmas, 1864.
[We have much pleasure in requesting our
generous correspondent to consider himself deco-
rated with the medal of the Society for the
Encouragement of Disinterested Benevolence.—•
Punch.]
COOL, BUT SEASONABLE.
Swell. ‘‘Well, Jones, who on earth are you now in for?”
Sheriff's Officer. “I ain’t in for no one; but I called to see whether your Honour
wouldn’t give me a Christmas Box, cause I have been here a many times during
THE YEAR.”
No Cure and High. Pay.
Quack medicine not only does not cure the
simpletons who have recourse to it, but makes
them worse. The practice of a Quack Doctor is
the most objectionable of all sine-cures.
THE KING OF PRUSSIA TO HIS ARMY.
The glorious warfare with Denmark is ended ;
Hurrah for the strong with the weak who contended!
You’ve won glorious prey with your rides and sabres ;
And have you not gloriously slaughter’d our neighbours ?
Nigh fifty years Prussia’s arms ne’er have been gory,
Save once, for a spurt; you’ve renewed their old glory ;
The privilege yours of that grand operation,
Dismemberment, done on the small Danish nation.
Proud Prussia, be thanked your heroic endeavour,
Shall Diippel and Alsen remember for ever !
Whilst up to your noses in bloodshed you waded,
My fleet, undismayed, the brave massacre aided.
My august ally’s forces with you, too, were landed,
'together you conquered the Danes single-handed.
Heaven’s blessing rests on you for special occasion,
You’ve been faithful, obedient, and brave in invasion.
While you against Denmark, on pretext of righting
Oppressed nationality, bravely were fighting,
One part of my army, with prowess surprising,
Prevented my bad Polish subjects from rising.
With joy and with pride I survey you, my glorious
Whole forces, returning with plunder, victorious;
May Heaven further watch over Prussia, and bless her,
And still of her neighbours’ possessions possess her.
Ecclesiastical Intelligence.
“ The revival at the Monastic System within the English Church,
would, ’ said tne Reverend Vicar of Bray, “ bring back evil times
to tne Church.” “Nay, my friend,” quoth Brother Ignatius,
t would restore not the evil but the mediaval times.” So saying he
retired.
A Christmas Present.—The Tip of the Tear.
SOMETHING LIKE A SCULLING MATCH!
Rowing readers of the Bristol Mercury, on Saturday, the seven-
teenth, must have been a little startled by the following : —
Great Boat Race.—The race between Frank Kilsby and David Coombes (son of
the late ex-champion), for £200, from Putney to Margate, came off on Tuesday. The
betting finally settled at 0 and 7 to 4 on Coombes. They got off to an excellent start.
Coombes won by 45 seconds.
The writer well may call this a “great” race, if it be true that the
two men did really row from Putney all the way to Margate. And
how surprising that the winner in such a match as this should have
headed his opponent by but five and forty seconds! It must have
been a long pull, and a strong pull, and a pull well together. Matches
usually take place from Putney merely up to Mortlake : but instead of
fancying there has been a misprint, we prefer to put on record, for the
benefit of some Macaulay of the future, this proof of the gigantic
powers of our oarsmen which this British print describes.
CANNIBALISM IN THE LAND OE CAKES.
At the last meeting of the Anthropological Society, according to a
report of that learned body’s proceedings, “the question of cannibalism
was taken up rather warmly by Mr. M. Clay, a native of Caithness,
who was anxious to exculpate his ancestors from such a charge.” Mr.
Clay argued that “the fact of the finding of a single jaw-bone of a
child among shells and bones, .the refuse of food, was no proof of
cannibalism.” Certainly. An isolated fact is no proof. It is ques-
tionable evidence. Bat what if that particular fact did prove can-
nibalism ? Of itself it would establish nothing more than the existence
of a pre-historic Sawney Bean, no ancestor, necessarily, of Mr.
Clay. At present cannibalism is unknown in the Land of Cakes.
Horse has been eaten by some Erenchmen; but no Scotch Sabbatarian
has as yet dined off donkey.
THE GREAT ROPE-TYING MISS-TERY is pictorially explained in
the last page of Punch’s Almanack, which contains a faithful picture of how
Professor Punch was tied in such a way that he had no power to free himself.
Don't be fool enough to go and give a guinea for a seance, when the Professor here
for Threepence shows you how to do the trick.
Vol. 47.
9