Punch (47.1864)

July 9, 1864.J

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

13

REFINEMENT AND REFORM.

To the Editor of Punch.

onoured Sir,—Al-
low me to tender
the Working Men,
of whose number
I am one, a piece
of advice, the adop-
tion of which may
procure them ad-
mission within the
pale of the Consti-
tution from which
we are now ex-
cluded. I wish to
recommend the
disuse of that
strong language in
which they are too
generally prone to
indulge. I am
afraid that you
seldom pass near
a group of the in-
dustrious classes,
collected, during
idle hours, at the
corner of a street
or beside the door
of a public-house,
but your ears are
assailed by certain
repulsive expres-
sions proceeding
from the mouths of one or more of the party. The number of these
expressions is extremely limited. They comprise, I think, about
three substantives, an adjective, a participle, and two verbs. These
parts of speech are employed as terms either of vituperation or that
species of banter which amongst the viler portion of ourselves, and their
aristocratic imitators, is called “ chaff.”

Now, if a man is either, as they say, “chaffed,” or “slanged,” he is
apt to look like a fool unless he pays back his adversary in his own coin.
I wish to suggest something better than this. Suppose he pays his
adversary off in higher coin. A very few perfectly unobjectionable
phrases will enable him to effect that repayment in the superior currency
with interest. There are some two or three, which, with the aid of a
little self-possession, will always supply a retort more than equal to the
occasion.

I would say, then, to my fellow working man, “ when anybody calls
you a dreadful substantive, or applies a horrid adjective to you, how
much better than a recourse to the usual Tu quoque it would be to
answer “ For Shame! ” or “ Oh, fie ! ” Or, instead of returning a
coarse invitation by another still coarser, to say, “ Excuse me,” or
“ No, I thank you,” or “ Don’t be rude.” You thus either shut your
opponent up, and put him down, or you exasperate him, and he gets
into a rage, and loses his head, and exposes himself to derision. When
your companion states what is not true, you may just as well say, “ Oh,
what a story! ” as “ You ’re a liar,” qualifying the offensive noun
with an odious epithet. And then, as to suiting the word to the action.
Instead of using the contemptuous gesture that commonly accompanies
a rough repartee ; instead of applying the thumb to the end of the nose
and extending the fingers, illustrate your deprecatory ejaculation or
remonstrance merely with an uplifted forefinger, and a gentle nod.
This gesture will highly enhance; the effect of such a mild reproof as
“Naughty!” addressed to a brutal and stupid man, and will give a
stinging poignancy to the simple exclamation “ Oh ! ”

If, Sir, some of the more influential individuals of our class would
make a point of practising the advice which I thus proffer, they would
soon bring strong language into ridicule, and render its use as infre-
quent among working men as it is amongst the wealthier classes. This
little reform of their conversation would, I am sure, do much to remove
a prejudice not altogether groundless, which causes some fastidious
persons to oppose the extension to them of the political rights enjoyed
by the euphemistic orders.

Too true is the remark of Juvenal that—

“ Nil liabet infelix paupertas dm-ius in se,

Quilm qubd ridiculos homines faeit; ”

and the imperfect education of indigence may cause too many of us, as
Jack Bragg says, to exasperate our Ks unduly and so provoke ridicule ;
but there is no reason why any of us should make use of language
which is improper as well as incorrect, and affords the oligarchy an

excuse for denying, on the ground of our alleged brutality, political
justice to the mates of

Yours respectfully,

Chesterfield’’s Bents, July, 1864. W. Putty.

CONFIDENCE AND NO CONFIDENCE.

Quoth sturdy John Bull to artful Ben Dizzy,

“ Resolutions are ail very well;

But this one of yours, Ben, is not worth a tizzy,

And—if with your whip you’re not just now too busy
To listen—The reason I’ll tell.

“ I’m as sulky as ever I was with John Bright:

No bear with a head ne’er so sore
E’er felt uglier than I, who must see right by might
Borne down, over-matched, yet be told I can’t fight,

But give prayers and goodwill, and no more 1

“ It may be that fighting is out of the question:

They say so who best should know why;

But I ne’er found soft counsel so hard of digestion,

Ne’er doubted so sore of the two which I’d best shim,—
War-taxes or peace-humble-pie.

“ We’ve meddled, I know, where I wish that we hadn’t:

Barked, when barking had no bite to follow;

Gulped the blackest of tacts, after showing the bad on’t;

By masterful wrong, (I could almost go mad on’t),

Been forced our own brave words to swallow.

“ Had you or your friends done aught bluster for baulking,

Or shown foresight to see how things tended;

Had you cried out, ‘ hold hard ’ to all bounce and big-talking.

Or shown us the snares in the way we were walking,

And the quagmire in which the road ended,

“ We might now be grateful, (although we then snubbed you),
And own you’d been proved in the right:

Our helmsmen we might have with gratitude dubbed you,
(Though clear of some dirt we had first to have scrubbed you),
And have asked you to better our plight.

“ But what is your claim ? Where’s the counsel you’ve given us F
What your policy shaped, or foreshown ?

If on sands and on shoals our old pilots have driven us,

For all you did, the waves to a wreck might have riven us.

You but skulked, till the storm was o’erblown.

“ And then from your bunks you come cannily creeping,

With a £ There ! JFe are right now, you see :

Don’t you think you had best give the helm to our keeping?

It’s true we kept dark, but don’t think we were sleeping:

We were all wide awake as could be.’

“ ’Tis not for such service John Bull shifts his pilot:

He may be but feebly served now;

But in your hands—although he admits you ’re a sly lot—

In each sea he’d fear breakers, a reef in each islet,

Brag steering and Sham at the prow! ”

How to Save the Country.

Let the House of Commons make it a standing order that no Bill
whatever for the enclosure of waste lands be from this time forth enter-
tained at all. __

MOTTO EOR SEMMES’s PRESENTATION SWORD.

A Fitting gift to one whose merit lay
In being always prompt to Cut Away.

PHILOSOPHICAL.

Singular Eefect op Artificial Light upon Typography.—The
Academy Catalogue is One Shilling by daylight, Sixpence by gaslight.

Ornithology.—The noisy Rooks in a Rookery never permit a Solo,
but are perpetually joining in a Caw-rus.

For the Use of Schools.—In Latin it is curious that Te repro
sents U.