Punch (47.1864)

196

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[November 12, 1864.

TEETOTALLERS AND TRAITORS.

There is a secret which we have to tell our readers ; they
will keep it to themselves of course—hut then who will not
know it ? First, let them read the following testimonial to
beer *.—-

“ Beer and wine met at Waterloo. Wine, red with, fury, boiling
over with enthusiasm, mad with audacity, rose thrice against that
hill on which stood a mass of immovable men—the sons of Beer,
You have read history. Beer gained the day.”

There !—that is from the pen of Esquiros. Now then
you see the influence which inspires Mr. Lawson, and
the United Kingdom Alliance in their endeavours to pro-
cure the enactment of local Maine Laws, and to unseat
Mr. Bass. The hidden strings of these puppets are pulled
by Erance, in the person of the Marquis de Boissy.

THE POETRY OF POSTERS.

BY A PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHER.

When I behold the hoardings all,

And every surface of dead wall,
O’erspread with pictured posters gay.
That puff the humbugs of the day.

I think how folks complain of gloom.
Pervading my one sitting-room,

With sides and ceiling smoke embrowned.
Hung, as with clouds for arras, round.

And then occurs the further thought.

If I, as they declare I ought.

My walls with paper would renew,

Those bills would for that purpose do.

Liberty and Fermented Liquor.

Mr. Lawson, and the United Kingdom Alliance, agitat-
ing for a Permissive Prohibitory Liquor Law, wish to
restrain sots from drunkenness by Maine force. This, of
itself, would be all very well; but the worst of it is, they
want to apply that force to the sober.

ADVICE TO AN APPARITION.

Ignatius,

Your appearance in the Church Congress at Bristol created
such a sensation that it has earned for you the name of “The Appa-
rition.” Perhaps the Apparition of Brother Ignatius will be remem-
I bered when that of Giles Scroggins is forgotten.

Stick to it. Appear whenever and wherever you can, with effect.
The place of all others for you to appear in is that where Protestants
most do congregate. So just you go one night on the occasion of some
great Evangelical or Anti-Maynooth meeting, and appear at Exeter
Hall.

How are you to manage it? Envelop Ignatius in an upper Benjamin.
Wear a black cloak with a cape and a velvet collar over your frock.
Thrust your toes into a pair of old shoes, and put on gaiters to hide
your sandals. Sport a white choker, and conceal your tonsure with a
curly wig. Get upon the platform, go to the front, watch your oppor-
tunity, and ask to be allowed to speak. Then throw aside your
disguise, kick off your crabshells, and stand confessed, as a monk
I should.

There will, of course, be a jolly row. But slap your breast, proclaim
yourself an Englishman, and invoke Englishmen to give you fair play.
Very likely they will then hear what you have to say; perhaps with
cheers. At the worst you can only be removed by the Police, for you
are allowed to go about, and as yet nobody is authorised to take care
of you, and lodge you in an institution where your tonsure would
perhaps be extended to the whole of your scalp.

Of course you will not stick at putting on appearances meant to be
mistaken for those of a British clergyman, because, although false, they
will be assumed for a pious purpose; for you are as much a Jesuit as
you are a Benedictine, ana therefore know that the end justifies the
means.

I hope you got on well last Saturday. I believe your effigy was
chaired a good deal on that day. Did you venture abroad yourself ? If
you did, I admire your courage, because there was every reason to fear
that the profane vulgar would have got hold of you on that Fifth of
1 November, and have made you do duty for the hero of the anniversary
j by carrying you about bodily as a Guy.

j With many thanks for the very much amusement which you have so

often afforded me, and hoping. for further favours of the same nature
from your diverting eccentricities, believe me, ever your friendly
monitor, Tony Lumpkin.

ENGLISH AND IRISH.

The Corporation of Dublin are to address Lord Wodehouse on his
arrival at the Vice-regal Lodge, and with a Milesian disregard to the
unities, the Address has already been made public.

Among the paragraphs in which this Address shows up in glowing
colour the wrongs of Ireland, occurs the following :—

“ In the course of your visit to the provinces your Excellency will see at Galway
a port which Nature has created, and placed at the nearest and safest point for
communication between these islands and the Continent of America. But although
a Packet Company in connection with the port was for a short time subsidised, the
narrow spirit and the jealousy with which it had to contend necessarily eventuated in its
failure."

The Corporation will be told, no doubt, by a malignant British Press’
that the packet company in question in no one instance kept the time
that entitled it to receipt of the Government subsidy—that its ships
were weak and ill found, its engines constantly breaking down, its j
capital insufficient, and all its arrangements so unbusiness-hke, that it
was rapidly wound up, in a state of hopeless insolvency.

That is the base, bloody, and brutal Saxon way of putting the matter.
The warm-hearted Milesian penetrates through such unimportant
accidents, and sees at the root of the Galway Packet Company’s
failure the narrow spirit of English opposition and the jealousy of
Ireland, which governs all our relations with that ill-used country.

The Black Art, Indeed.

“Put out the light, and then-”—Othello.

The Brothers Davenport claim to be assisted in their performances
by some mysterious power, though of what kind they profess themselves
unable to explain. Is it not clear enough, from their practice of turning
down the gas, that this friendly power is the Power of Darkness ?