Punch (47.1864)

212

[November 19, 1864.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

STRANGE STAGE WANTS.

What queer jumbles one sees in theatrical advertise-
ments ! Look at this, for instance:—

1X7 ANTED, a LEADING MAN, and a COMIC SINGER,

to combine Utility. State terms. No answer a negative.

Lord Palmerston and Mr. Gladstone may both of
them undoubtedly be viewed as leading men, but it hardly
seems respectful to name them in the same breath with a
comic singer, or to expect them to “ combine utility ” with
any such a person. What this latter phrase may mean we
do not thoroughly perceive, but perhaps the leading man
is merely wanted for the purpose of joining in the chorus
when the comic singer sings. We can fancy what an
audience would be attracted to a theatre, were it announced
that Lord Palmerston would appear in the Pantomime,
and assist the Clown in singing the ballad of Hot Codlins,
by bawling out the “ Tol lol iddy iddy ido ” at the tip-top
of his voice.

WHO WILL PROP THE POPE ?

The Prench withdrawn, what new allies will come
To prop the tottering autocrat of Rome ?

Say, will his props be Poles ? or will he seek
An Austrian friendship, or a Dutch, or Greek ?
Haply the Turks for temporal aid he T1 bother,
Ana of the Two Sick Men one help the other.
Haply for troops he Tl sue the Portuguese,

Or send to ask them of the far Eeejees.

Haply to Norway he’ll proclaim his need,

Or hope that aid may turn-up from the Swede;

Or else perchance to Yankee land he ’ll send.

And beg each foe of slavery be his friend.
Whate’er his troops, we may be sure that they
Will not stand by him if he does not pay:

So of all help his hopes will surely vanish,

Unless he be supported by the Spanish.

A Spirited Remark.

OH, HOW ARTFUL!

Wife. “Whenever I want a nice Snug Day, all to Mysele, I tell George my
Mother is coming and then I see Nothing of him till One in the Morning.”

“ Too much spirit in the ports, indeed! ” exclaimed old
Beeswing to a friend. “ I tell you there are ports with-
out a particle of spirit. Eor instance, my dear fellow, just
look at the Daven-ports.”

CONSCIENCE MONEY.

(highly probarle.)

The Chancellor of the Exchequer acknowledges the receipt of
the following sums, which have been sent him as Conscience Money, to
be applied to the reduction of the Income-Tax :—

A Virtuous Cabman.—Sixpence: a half-crown having been given
iiim by mistake instead of his just fare, a florin.

A Done Old Clothes Man.—A farthing, which he found in the
pocket of a pair of trousers, for which he gave very little under their
value, because he felt the coin during negotiations, and thought it might
be a sovereign.

A Boxkeeper.—Nine-and-sixpence; being the balance of a half-
sovereign paid to him as a sixpence by an inebriated patron of the
Sensation Drama.

A Student.—An old five-pound note, found in a copy of the Whole
Duty of Man which he procured at a book-stall, and would have paid
for, but that the old lady-proprietor was not looking his way.

A Bathing-Woman. —Live shillings; being the proceeds, less deduc-
tion for necessary expenses, of the produce of a gold watch found in a
bathing-machine, and which watch the lady who asserted that she had
lost it failed to describe with the perfect accuracy necessary to satisfy
the finder’s conscience that it would be right to give up the article.

A Margate Lodging-Keeper.—Live sous, discovered (with English
money) in a dressing-glass drawer.

A Turnpike Man.—Eourpence, which he charged a second time?
owing to his having accidentally forgotten the number of the day, ana
- Yrir> C0mPe^ed a person wbo remembered it to pay twice.

A Penitent Pew-Opener.—One shilling, thoughtlessly taken from
a couple of little children who had been told to put it into the plate,
and who supposed that she was the collector.

A Touting Photographer.—flalf-a-crown, paid by a poor maid-
servant tor a portrait so abominably bad that she cried, and would not
take it away.

A Summoner of Juries.—A sovereign, given by an author whom

the S. J. had already summoned nine times in ten months, knowing
that he was good pay for exemption.

An Old Party in Charge of a House.—A penny, paid to her
(instead of for a jam tart) by a little boy whose cap had been thrown
mto the area by a big lad, and which cap the Old Party said—and is
sorry she said—that she wasn’t going to be bothered to pitch up for
nothing.

THE LEADER OF THE LIBERALS.

Said the Times, the other day, anent the Emperor of the French
and his Italian policy :—

“ He pays the penalty sure to be incurred by such Princes as have the misfortune
to be more liberal and enlightened than their subjects. He is obliged to adopt a
line of policy which does not satisfy himself, and yet which there is the greatest
reason to believe will not satisfy them. He is obliged to defer to prejudices to
which he is superior, and to feelings with which he has no sympathy. .Anxious to
place France in the position which she ought to occupy as a leader of the liberal
opinion of Europe, he is constantly encountered by the fact that the nation, the
destiny of which he directs, is devotedly attached to that very Papal Government
from the support of whose temporal power he is gradually seeking to withdraw
himself.”

Has the Emperor, we wonder, any relish for a joke ? Because, if so,
he must have had a hearty laugh at this. After having gagged the
Press, the mouthpiece of enlightenment, thus to find himself described
as “more enlightened than his subjects; ” ha! ha! que Test drole qa.
And then to learn that he is “ anxious to assist ” the liberal party,
whose newspapers he prohibits ! Ha! ha! ha! A funny way of helping,
truly. What a wag the writer must be who can pen so droll a
pleasantry.

interview between two potentates.

Mr. Punch to the Lord Mayor. Hale, fellow, well met!
The Lord Mayor to the Police. Here !

A Clerical Error.—Brother Ignatius.