DOI issue:
July 8, 1865
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16876#0023
FALSE ALARM.
Amy. “ Oh, Fred, you don’t mean to Say you have taken any op those Horrid Vows?”
Fred. “Ha ! ha ! ha ! Not I ! Don’t be the least Alarmed, Amy ! Ain’t it a Jolly Costume, this Hot Weather ?”
THE AUTHORS’ VOLUNTEER HORSE ARTILLERY.
Was it not Rowland Hill who said he did not see why the devil
should have all the best music ? So it might be submitted there is no
reason that entitles the devil to have the best Volunteers, namely the
Inns of Court Regiment, called the “Devil’s Own.” The Lawyers,
however, being inevitably his due, the only way to deprive him of a
military pre-eminence which he does not deserve is that of creating a
corps that shall cut out the one enrolled under his name. There
is on foot an endeavour to effect this object by the institution of
a corps that might be denominated the Muses’ Own. We are informed,
by a Prospectus lately published, that:—
“ In accordance with a general feeling on the subject, it is proposed to form a
Mounted Battery of Volunteer Artillery, composed chiefly of Gentlemen
CONNECTED MORE OR LESS DIRECTLY WITH LITERATURE. It has been found Useful,
as well as socially convenient, to call upon classes engaged in Cognate Pursuits and
of kindred Tastes to form themselves into Volunteer Corps; and the results, as
evinced by such eminent Regiments as the ‘ Artists,’ the ‘ Inns of Court,’ and
others, have been strikingly successful.”
The announcement commencing as above is surmounted with a device
consisting of a horse’s head shooting vapour from the nostrils, over a
pyramid of bombshells. One of these is charged (outside on a sort of
shield), with a pen and a sword, saltier-wise; a second with a miniature
cannon, and a third with a smaller shell fizzing. To the right and left,
of these implements of destruction there is another smaller shell topped
with a crown, and inscribed with two intersecting triangles. In the
centre of the prospectus, surrounded by letter-press, is the photograph
of some gentleman in the “Full Dress of the ‘A. V. H. A.’ ”
Authors are apprised that
“ The exclusive character of the corps, and the promises of influential support
which have been already received, will cause the subscriptions of efficient members
to be moderate in amount, and one of the first rules proposed to the corps will be,
that ‘all extraneous expenditure is to be entirely discouraged.’ ”
This is a very needful provision; for the iutriusic expenditure of a
mounted Volunteer Corps would probably be quite high enough for any
but the most successful writers. The country will of course provide
the horses required by its literary ornaments, few of whom, perhaps, are
in the position of being able to stand the charge of a charger. But,
however:—
“ Many of the most eminent Authors of the day have expressed their desire to
become honorary members of the battery. Arrangements are in progress for the
use of an excellent drill-shed, and for the supply of arms and munitions. An advan-
tageous offer for horsing the guns on the ‘march out,’ is also before the Secretary.”
In whatever style the guns of the “ A. V. H. A.” are horsed, _ the
officers and men, of course, will be mounted each on a Pegasus, if the
animal is to be obtained for love or money.
Against the formation of a literary corps, may perhaps be objected
the proverbial irritability of authors. Some people may surmise that
any regiment composed of gentlemen of the pen will be more apt at
falling out than at falling in. These objections are to be regarded as
merely jocular. There is no serious fear that any member of the
mounted battery of literary artillerymen, whose works have been
unfavourably criticised by another, would ever be tempted to draw his
sabre, and attempt to cut his critic up, or cut him down.. Nobody need
apprehend that, at a review of literary troops, any retaliation would be
likely to be practised on Reviewers. Nor is it to be expected that any
little jealousies would cause a corps of penmen to quarrel about rank,
all wanting to be commanding officers.
We have not as yet seen Gazetted the name of Field-Marshal Sir
Bulwer Lytton, nor that of Major-General Dickens, Lieutenakt-
General Wilkie Collins, Colonel Trollope, or Captain Reade. .
We wait to see them.
In conclusion, let Mr. Punch add, that the “ A. V. II. A.” is no hoax,
but a fact, endeavouring to accomplish itself, insomuch that:—
“ Pending the establishment of Head Quarters, urther information may be ob-
tained, by tetter, from ‘The Secretary A. V. H. A.,’ 44, Dover Street, Piccadilly,
where members may be enrolled on Monday Evenings, from 5 to 7, when the Secre-
tary and one of the Drill Instructors will be present, and where the Rules may be
inspected. ”
It is hut, natural to express the hope that the Head Quarters of the
“ A. V. H. A.” will prove the seat of more intelligence than that
which usually presides at Head Quarters.
Amy. “ Oh, Fred, you don’t mean to Say you have taken any op those Horrid Vows?”
Fred. “Ha ! ha ! ha ! Not I ! Don’t be the least Alarmed, Amy ! Ain’t it a Jolly Costume, this Hot Weather ?”
THE AUTHORS’ VOLUNTEER HORSE ARTILLERY.
Was it not Rowland Hill who said he did not see why the devil
should have all the best music ? So it might be submitted there is no
reason that entitles the devil to have the best Volunteers, namely the
Inns of Court Regiment, called the “Devil’s Own.” The Lawyers,
however, being inevitably his due, the only way to deprive him of a
military pre-eminence which he does not deserve is that of creating a
corps that shall cut out the one enrolled under his name. There
is on foot an endeavour to effect this object by the institution of
a corps that might be denominated the Muses’ Own. We are informed,
by a Prospectus lately published, that:—
“ In accordance with a general feeling on the subject, it is proposed to form a
Mounted Battery of Volunteer Artillery, composed chiefly of Gentlemen
CONNECTED MORE OR LESS DIRECTLY WITH LITERATURE. It has been found Useful,
as well as socially convenient, to call upon classes engaged in Cognate Pursuits and
of kindred Tastes to form themselves into Volunteer Corps; and the results, as
evinced by such eminent Regiments as the ‘ Artists,’ the ‘ Inns of Court,’ and
others, have been strikingly successful.”
The announcement commencing as above is surmounted with a device
consisting of a horse’s head shooting vapour from the nostrils, over a
pyramid of bombshells. One of these is charged (outside on a sort of
shield), with a pen and a sword, saltier-wise; a second with a miniature
cannon, and a third with a smaller shell fizzing. To the right and left,
of these implements of destruction there is another smaller shell topped
with a crown, and inscribed with two intersecting triangles. In the
centre of the prospectus, surrounded by letter-press, is the photograph
of some gentleman in the “Full Dress of the ‘A. V. H. A.’ ”
Authors are apprised that
“ The exclusive character of the corps, and the promises of influential support
which have been already received, will cause the subscriptions of efficient members
to be moderate in amount, and one of the first rules proposed to the corps will be,
that ‘all extraneous expenditure is to be entirely discouraged.’ ”
This is a very needful provision; for the iutriusic expenditure of a
mounted Volunteer Corps would probably be quite high enough for any
but the most successful writers. The country will of course provide
the horses required by its literary ornaments, few of whom, perhaps, are
in the position of being able to stand the charge of a charger. But,
however:—
“ Many of the most eminent Authors of the day have expressed their desire to
become honorary members of the battery. Arrangements are in progress for the
use of an excellent drill-shed, and for the supply of arms and munitions. An advan-
tageous offer for horsing the guns on the ‘march out,’ is also before the Secretary.”
In whatever style the guns of the “ A. V. H. A.” are horsed, _ the
officers and men, of course, will be mounted each on a Pegasus, if the
animal is to be obtained for love or money.
Against the formation of a literary corps, may perhaps be objected
the proverbial irritability of authors. Some people may surmise that
any regiment composed of gentlemen of the pen will be more apt at
falling out than at falling in. These objections are to be regarded as
merely jocular. There is no serious fear that any member of the
mounted battery of literary artillerymen, whose works have been
unfavourably criticised by another, would ever be tempted to draw his
sabre, and attempt to cut his critic up, or cut him down.. Nobody need
apprehend that, at a review of literary troops, any retaliation would be
likely to be practised on Reviewers. Nor is it to be expected that any
little jealousies would cause a corps of penmen to quarrel about rank,
all wanting to be commanding officers.
We have not as yet seen Gazetted the name of Field-Marshal Sir
Bulwer Lytton, nor that of Major-General Dickens, Lieutenakt-
General Wilkie Collins, Colonel Trollope, or Captain Reade. .
We wait to see them.
In conclusion, let Mr. Punch add, that the “ A. V. II. A.” is no hoax,
but a fact, endeavouring to accomplish itself, insomuch that:—
“ Pending the establishment of Head Quarters, urther information may be ob-
tained, by tetter, from ‘The Secretary A. V. H. A.,’ 44, Dover Street, Piccadilly,
where members may be enrolled on Monday Evenings, from 5 to 7, when the Secre-
tary and one of the Drill Instructors will be present, and where the Rules may be
inspected. ”
It is hut, natural to express the hope that the Head Quarters of the
“ A. V. H. A.” will prove the seat of more intelligence than that
which usually presides at Head Quarters.