DOI Heft:
July 22, 1865
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16876#0036
24
PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 22, 1865.
POLITESSE IN POLITICS.
“ Oh, Mr. Mill must surely be a most gallant, youug man,”
Said Portia to her pensive friend who sat behind her fan,
“ Tor he thinks that each young
person who her name correctly
signs,
Should have a voice in Parliament
like-” “ Like whose ?
Louisa Pyne’s P ”
“No, dear, like Ten pound House-
holders — that is a right to
vote
Por Captain Scamper, who that
funny book of travels wrote.
How charming it will be to have
the darling Captain call
In his curricle to take one to the
Poll at the Town Hall.
Of course I shall be bound to
plump (how nice!) for him, and
y°u>
Matilda, I presume will give a
little plumper too ! ”
“ No, Portia,” said her friend,
severe, “you may plump if you
will;
But I shall say, ‘ Sir, take a seat,’
and be a lady still.”
ELECTION LUNES.
No. 3.—SOME PREFER VERTICAL, AND SOME, LATERAL REFORM.
THE TRIBULATION OE THE ’TIZER.
'Tizer, ’Tizer, public light,
Champion of the wittlers’ right,
What has made thee sing,so small,
Checked thy bounce, and hushed thy bawl—
Stopt the froth that used to fly
In thy leaders creaming high—
Left thee flat as porter stale,
Sour and sharp as o’er-kept ale—
Turned to smallest beer thy stout,
Sunk thy heart to “cold without,”
Robbed thy wind-bag of its gas.
Dimmed the lustre of thy brass ?
That a Mill should dare defy
’ Tizerly theology 1
That a Mill should reck the same
Of pot-house praise or pot-house blame !
What will be the Church’s fate,
What the prospects of the State,
When the ’Tizer's beacon-light
That has blazed so broad and bright.
Can be thus in scorn snuffed out
By a man who owns a doubt,
Though the Record's faithful fist
Write him down an Atheist!
What must be his creed, who dooms
Public-house Committee-rooms!
What his faith—abandoned knave—
Who dares Licensed Wittlers brave !
Woe 1 Oh woe to Westminster,
When with Mill she stoops to err.
And declines to care a rap
Por the 'Tizer and the Tap !
Theological Horology.
There’s this to say about the Scotch,
So bother bannocks, braes, and birks;
They can’t produce a decent Watch,
Por Calvinists despise good works.
GOVERNMENT BY STEAM.
Our facetious contemporary, the Morning Herald, has surpassed itself
of late in its brilliant jocosities. Never were such funny articles as
those which it has written on the General Election, and the prospects
of the Tories, whose triumph it predicts. On the morning of the metro-
politan elections, the Herald humorously prophesied that London,
Westminster, and Greenwich would each of them return a Tory Member
to the House; and in another exquisitely funny leading article, it thus
facetiously accounted for the wonderful prosperity which, under the
present Government, the country has enjoyed:—
“ On what ground do the Whigs solicit now a renewal of the confidence of the
country ? England is prosperous, and Englishmen are thriving, and large remis-
sions of taxation have taken place during the last six years. It happens that the
discovery of the steam-engine has given an immense impetus to manufactures and
commerce. As the revenue increases •pari passu with the wealth of the country,
nothing can be more natural than that taxation should be gradually remitted. It
augurs a lamentable confusion of cause and effect that this increase of wealth
should be ascribed to the remission of taxation. The fallacy reminds us of the old
story of the fly on the waterwheel. That Lord Palmerston should claim all the
credit which is due to James Watt, is a notable illustration of the old principle of
*ie vos non vobis.
This connection of Lord Palmerston with the—ha! ha! ha!—the
discovery of the steam-engine, is really so delicious, that—ha! ha! ha!—
we fear we shall split our pen with laughing at it. How funny of the
Herald to pretend that it has just found out that steam-engines have—
ha ! ha! ha !—have actually been invented, and really have extended the
commerce of the country ! And how Lord Palmerston will laugh to
learn that, he has “claimed all the credit which is due to James Watt,”
which is equivalent to saying that his Lordship has claimed the inven-
tion of the steam-engine ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! Such jokes as these are really
overpowering. Why, our facetious contemporary will doubtless soon
be telling us that, as it has been caused by the invention of the steam-
engine, the success of the Whig Ministry is a mere succes de steam.
READING FOR ROGUES AND THIEVES.
The following extract from a letter, addressed by a convict at
Portland Prison, a fellow named Sayers, to his brother, will afford
admonitory information to any thief who may be enabled to read it by
having stolen a number of Hunch
“ I hope I shall be at liberty in ten months. I have to work like a slave. It is
worse than slavery under a mask, but I must get through it as well as I can. You have
not the slightest idea what I have to put up with, and I dread another winter.”
It appears, from the foregoing vague but suggestive revelation of the
secrets of the prison-house at Portland, that the life of a convict in
gaol no longer bears much resemblance to that of a gentleman at large
staying at a luxurious hotel. There is a certain illustrated weekly
journal, the contents of which consist chiefly of tales and pictures of
crime, published under the title, we think, of Hit Illustrated Police
News. This print probably has a considerable circulation among thieves,
and particularly young rascals who delight in stories about exploits
such as those of Turpin and Jack Sheppard. It is true that many
thieves cannot read at all, and that the rest are mostly in case to be
classified in the gaol calendar in the category of “ R. & W. Imp.; ” but
they can all at least understand pictures that are addressed to the
lower feelings. The generality of thieves, therefore, probably see and
know what is in the Illustrated Police News. That less useful than
entertainiug journal would do a service to the respectable portion of the
community, and afford instruction as well as entertainment to rogues
and ruffians, by giving the advantage of its circulation to the lamen-
tations above quoted from Mr. Sayers’s letter, accompanied _ by a
portrait of Mr. Sayers, or a gentleman in Mr. Sayers’s position;
namely, that of a convict under sentence of penal servitude engaged in
the performance of hard labour. To which might be added, with bene-
ficial effect, a faithful account of the sensations experienced by a garotter
whilst subjected to the cat-o’-nine-tails ; this narrative being also em-
bellished with a likeness of the sufferer.
PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 22, 1865.
POLITESSE IN POLITICS.
“ Oh, Mr. Mill must surely be a most gallant, youug man,”
Said Portia to her pensive friend who sat behind her fan,
“ Tor he thinks that each young
person who her name correctly
signs,
Should have a voice in Parliament
like-” “ Like whose ?
Louisa Pyne’s P ”
“No, dear, like Ten pound House-
holders — that is a right to
vote
Por Captain Scamper, who that
funny book of travels wrote.
How charming it will be to have
the darling Captain call
In his curricle to take one to the
Poll at the Town Hall.
Of course I shall be bound to
plump (how nice!) for him, and
y°u>
Matilda, I presume will give a
little plumper too ! ”
“ No, Portia,” said her friend,
severe, “you may plump if you
will;
But I shall say, ‘ Sir, take a seat,’
and be a lady still.”
ELECTION LUNES.
No. 3.—SOME PREFER VERTICAL, AND SOME, LATERAL REFORM.
THE TRIBULATION OE THE ’TIZER.
'Tizer, ’Tizer, public light,
Champion of the wittlers’ right,
What has made thee sing,so small,
Checked thy bounce, and hushed thy bawl—
Stopt the froth that used to fly
In thy leaders creaming high—
Left thee flat as porter stale,
Sour and sharp as o’er-kept ale—
Turned to smallest beer thy stout,
Sunk thy heart to “cold without,”
Robbed thy wind-bag of its gas.
Dimmed the lustre of thy brass ?
That a Mill should dare defy
’ Tizerly theology 1
That a Mill should reck the same
Of pot-house praise or pot-house blame !
What will be the Church’s fate,
What the prospects of the State,
When the ’Tizer's beacon-light
That has blazed so broad and bright.
Can be thus in scorn snuffed out
By a man who owns a doubt,
Though the Record's faithful fist
Write him down an Atheist!
What must be his creed, who dooms
Public-house Committee-rooms!
What his faith—abandoned knave—
Who dares Licensed Wittlers brave !
Woe 1 Oh woe to Westminster,
When with Mill she stoops to err.
And declines to care a rap
Por the 'Tizer and the Tap !
Theological Horology.
There’s this to say about the Scotch,
So bother bannocks, braes, and birks;
They can’t produce a decent Watch,
Por Calvinists despise good works.
GOVERNMENT BY STEAM.
Our facetious contemporary, the Morning Herald, has surpassed itself
of late in its brilliant jocosities. Never were such funny articles as
those which it has written on the General Election, and the prospects
of the Tories, whose triumph it predicts. On the morning of the metro-
politan elections, the Herald humorously prophesied that London,
Westminster, and Greenwich would each of them return a Tory Member
to the House; and in another exquisitely funny leading article, it thus
facetiously accounted for the wonderful prosperity which, under the
present Government, the country has enjoyed:—
“ On what ground do the Whigs solicit now a renewal of the confidence of the
country ? England is prosperous, and Englishmen are thriving, and large remis-
sions of taxation have taken place during the last six years. It happens that the
discovery of the steam-engine has given an immense impetus to manufactures and
commerce. As the revenue increases •pari passu with the wealth of the country,
nothing can be more natural than that taxation should be gradually remitted. It
augurs a lamentable confusion of cause and effect that this increase of wealth
should be ascribed to the remission of taxation. The fallacy reminds us of the old
story of the fly on the waterwheel. That Lord Palmerston should claim all the
credit which is due to James Watt, is a notable illustration of the old principle of
*ie vos non vobis.
This connection of Lord Palmerston with the—ha! ha! ha!—the
discovery of the steam-engine, is really so delicious, that—ha! ha! ha!—
we fear we shall split our pen with laughing at it. How funny of the
Herald to pretend that it has just found out that steam-engines have—
ha ! ha! ha !—have actually been invented, and really have extended the
commerce of the country ! And how Lord Palmerston will laugh to
learn that, he has “claimed all the credit which is due to James Watt,”
which is equivalent to saying that his Lordship has claimed the inven-
tion of the steam-engine ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! Such jokes as these are really
overpowering. Why, our facetious contemporary will doubtless soon
be telling us that, as it has been caused by the invention of the steam-
engine, the success of the Whig Ministry is a mere succes de steam.
READING FOR ROGUES AND THIEVES.
The following extract from a letter, addressed by a convict at
Portland Prison, a fellow named Sayers, to his brother, will afford
admonitory information to any thief who may be enabled to read it by
having stolen a number of Hunch
“ I hope I shall be at liberty in ten months. I have to work like a slave. It is
worse than slavery under a mask, but I must get through it as well as I can. You have
not the slightest idea what I have to put up with, and I dread another winter.”
It appears, from the foregoing vague but suggestive revelation of the
secrets of the prison-house at Portland, that the life of a convict in
gaol no longer bears much resemblance to that of a gentleman at large
staying at a luxurious hotel. There is a certain illustrated weekly
journal, the contents of which consist chiefly of tales and pictures of
crime, published under the title, we think, of Hit Illustrated Police
News. This print probably has a considerable circulation among thieves,
and particularly young rascals who delight in stories about exploits
such as those of Turpin and Jack Sheppard. It is true that many
thieves cannot read at all, and that the rest are mostly in case to be
classified in the gaol calendar in the category of “ R. & W. Imp.; ” but
they can all at least understand pictures that are addressed to the
lower feelings. The generality of thieves, therefore, probably see and
know what is in the Illustrated Police News. That less useful than
entertainiug journal would do a service to the respectable portion of the
community, and afford instruction as well as entertainment to rogues
and ruffians, by giving the advantage of its circulation to the lamen-
tations above quoted from Mr. Sayers’s letter, accompanied _ by a
portrait of Mr. Sayers, or a gentleman in Mr. Sayers’s position;
namely, that of a convict under sentence of penal servitude engaged in
the performance of hard labour. To which might be added, with bene-
ficial effect, a faithful account of the sensations experienced by a garotter
whilst subjected to the cat-o’-nine-tails ; this narrative being also em-
bellished with a likeness of the sufferer.