DOI issue:
July 22, 1865
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16876#0041
July 22, 1865.
PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
29
OUR COMPANY.
{How it was “got upwhat it was “got up forand what it did
when it was “ got up.”)
In these days of Companies it struck us—me and Abchie Bristowe,
or rather vice versa, only I originated the idea—that it would be a good
notion to get up a Company. We decided that Archie would make
an excellent Chairman of Directors; in fact, I rather think that it was
something in the sound of Bristowe’s name that gave rise to the
suggestion.
Yes, it did, too. I said to Bristowe, “ What a capital Chairman
you’d make.” To which he replied, “ Yes, Chairman of Directors.”
Whereupon I cried, as if by inspiration, “ Directors of a Company !
Let’s get up a Company.” Archie Bristowe said, “You’re
another; ” which for the moment rather confused me.
We, having talked the matter over, called upon Joe Barclay.
Joe’s a good fellow, a sharp fellow, and knows a good deal about this
sort of thing. At least so we had always heard. Joe was practical
in a second. What was the Company’s object ? he asked. Bristowe ;
at first suggested “ the Company’s pecuniary benefit; ” but, on con-
sideration, added, “ and to offer peculiar advantages to the Public.”
What should it be got up for, was the simple difficulty. The solu-1
tion was not quite so simple. Barclay said that something might be
done with Soap. We thought so, too. Soap, decidedly. Bristowe
wanted to know “How?” He meant “In what way?” Barclay
answered, “Well, Works—Soap Works.” “Or Drinking Fountains,”
some one suggested—I think it was myself.
Bristowe observed that Drinking Fountains wasn’t a bad notion.
Barclay, however, stuck to Soap. Somebody, perfectly disinterested,
who had dropped in on a visit, proposed an amalgamation of the first
with the second—say, Soap-and-Water.
We made him a Director on the spot. He said, No, he didn’t care
about it, or he’d rather not; but we included him in our list, and told
him that it wouldn’t be any trouble to him. His name was Felton, j
He had a great idea of offices and papers. He said everything ought
to be done in form ; where was a bit of paper ? and pens ? and ink ?,
Now he would at once put down the names of the Directors.
The idea struck us all at, once, Felton should be the Secretary—the
very man for the post. Felton said, “No, no, no ! he’d rather not.”
We said, “ Yes, and with a salary. By all means with a salary.”
Carried nem. con., Felton voting with us.
Bristowe proposed that this should be considered our first meeting.
Barclay said that of course the Company would be Limited. We
said, “Yes; Limited, decidedly.” (“Limited”) in brackets.
Pidge wanted to know what was meant by “ Limited.” The Chair-
man said, we’d come to that by-and-by.
Felton asked authoritatively where was a note-book ?
Barclay said he’d send out for one ; and, as some of the Directors 1
offered to pay for it, he made a merit of presenting it to the Company. j
It was a large school copy-book. Felton said it would do for the i
present, just to enter minutes in. We agreed that for that purpose it |
was peculiarly well adapted.
Well, what should be our first minute? asked the Secretary, looking
round, pen in hand.
We appealed to the Chairman, who was on the sofa. It was agreed j
unanimously that a Chairman mustn’t sit on a sofa; that business was
business; and that if this thing was to come to anything, we really
must be business-like. The Chairman, after some little difficulty,
arising from the question being put as to whether smoking should be
allowed during a business-meeting (this was settled in favour of
smoking), took the chair.
Felton then wrote down,
“ First Meeting of Directors (with date),
Chairman.Mb. Bristowe.
Directors Present . . . Messes. Barclay and Pidge.
Secretary . . Mr. Felton.”
The Chairman found fault with this arrangement, and said it looked
like a playbill.
The Secretary was noting down this remark, when
A Director asked, if it wouldn’t be as well to avoid tomfoolery, and
come to business ?
Carried, nem. con.
Another Director (myself) wanted to know how this resolution should
be entered on the books.
The Chairman said there was only one book. (A laugh.)
The same Director said he knew that, but-
The Secretary expressed his sorrow at interrupting the honourable
gentleman (meaning me), but lie had already entered the resolution in
his book, thus -. “ Resolved, that there be no tomfoolery.”
The Chairman asked what was the Company for?
Barclay said Soap.
The Secretary asked if the Company’s motto would be, “ How are
you off for Soap ? ”
It was unanimously decided that this was tomfoolery contemplated
by our bye-law.
One of the Directors wished to inquire whether the Minutes were
bye-laws, or, generally speaking, what was a bye-law !
The Chairman explained that, a bye-law was a law made when another
law existing—or rather, to put it clearer, a bye-law was rendered neces-
sary by an already existing law to a contrary effect-
Secretary (interrupting). No ; to the same effect.
Chairman. Well, a bye-law is merely a law that-
(( A Director. Yes, but has it the force of law? For instance,—
“ Smoking is strictly forbidden on the platform, vide Bye-Laws ”—
was that a-{wandering)—vras this bye-law one of the Regular Laws,
or—or, in fact-
^ Another Director (plaintively). But there are no platforms in our
Company. {Laugh from the Secretary.)
First Director said it was nonsense talking like this. He (Pidge)
knew what he (Barclay) meant.
The Secretary inquired what he should write down as being the object
that the Company had in view. Was it Soap, or not? He had
scratched out Soap once, and it was absurd going on writing down and
scratching out every minute.
Everyone said that this was absurd, and that the books ought to be
kept, in a business-like manner.
Barclay asked whether we proposed the sale of Common Soap,
YYindsor Soap, Scented Soap, or all kinds of Soap ?
Pidge {as the best way of getting out of an unforeseen difficulty). Oh!
all kinds of Soap.
All shake their heads. Somehow, no one sees the feasibility of the
Soap project now. A silence ensues, during which the Chairman looks
vacantly at his watch-chain, and the Secretary attempts a portrait of
nobody in particular, in fancy costume, among the. minutes. The two
Directors watch him feebly, with some vague feeling that the whole
proceeding is not, exactly business-like.
Secretary {suddenly waking up, and scratching out the fancy portrait).
Well!
Chairman looks from one to the other Director. Barclay votes that
the meeting adjourn to-day, and they ’ll think it over in the meantime.
The Chairman, rising with great alacrity, says, “Yes, that’ll be the
best plan.” He and the Directors take up their hats.
Secretary (hastily, feeling that they are going away and leaving him to
write). Here ! Just stop for me! Look here, what shall I write ?
Chairman {who is in a hurry to go to a flower-show). Oh, anything.
The usual thing; you know. House adjourned and so forth. Only be
regular—do be regular— {Exit at door, reappears again)—and enter
everything in a business form.
[Exit quickly, under the impression that he’s done his duty at all
events.
Barclay. Well, I’m off. [Going.
Secretary (piteously). No, no; do stop. Look, I’ve only got a few
words to put in.
Barclay. Can’t. I’m not going your way. Just shut the door after
you when you go, you fellows, will you ? [Exit in a hurry.
Secretary {to Pidge the remaining Director). You know it’s too bad to
go off and leave a fellow to write all this. It’s not business like.
[He says this under the impression that he ’ll induce Pidge to stop.
Pidge. Yes!
[Considers how he can get off without hurting Secretary^ feelings.
Secretary {writing clearly from his notes). “ At a Meeting of Directors
this day, July the—what is it—July the-
Pidge. The Fourteenth—(see.? his way out)—I say, we didn’t settle
when we’d meet again. I ’ll just run after Barclay. [Exit suddenly.
Secretary. Hi! H’m ! [Calls after him.
Pidge {atfront door). Ail right !
[ Walks quietly into street, and flatters himself on his cleverness.
Secretary {by himself returns sulkily from window, sits at table). It’s
too bad of. those fellows. {Reads what he has loritten) “ At a Meeting-
of Directors this day, July the 14th, it was settled-” {Thinks for a
few seconds, then closes book). Oh yes, I can enter that at our next
meeting.
[Exit cheerfully, and meanly revenges himself by leaving the door open.
Of our next Meeting yon shall hear another time.
MIND YOUR ACCENTS.
In a penny paper, the other day, there appeared a paragraph, headed
as follows:—
“ Working Men's Club Fete.”
It went on to relate the particulars of a social gathering, described
as “ a pic-nic of an unusual character.” This description of the pic-nic
seemed to suggest that it had been held for the benefit of the “ Ortho-
pedic Flospital,” or some similar institution for the cure of club feet.
Instead of feet, however, the continuation of the narrative indicated the
i right reading, for what looked like simply wrong spelling, to be fete.
PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
29
OUR COMPANY.
{How it was “got upwhat it was “got up forand what it did
when it was “ got up.”)
In these days of Companies it struck us—me and Abchie Bristowe,
or rather vice versa, only I originated the idea—that it would be a good
notion to get up a Company. We decided that Archie would make
an excellent Chairman of Directors; in fact, I rather think that it was
something in the sound of Bristowe’s name that gave rise to the
suggestion.
Yes, it did, too. I said to Bristowe, “ What a capital Chairman
you’d make.” To which he replied, “ Yes, Chairman of Directors.”
Whereupon I cried, as if by inspiration, “ Directors of a Company !
Let’s get up a Company.” Archie Bristowe said, “You’re
another; ” which for the moment rather confused me.
We, having talked the matter over, called upon Joe Barclay.
Joe’s a good fellow, a sharp fellow, and knows a good deal about this
sort of thing. At least so we had always heard. Joe was practical
in a second. What was the Company’s object ? he asked. Bristowe ;
at first suggested “ the Company’s pecuniary benefit; ” but, on con-
sideration, added, “ and to offer peculiar advantages to the Public.”
What should it be got up for, was the simple difficulty. The solu-1
tion was not quite so simple. Barclay said that something might be
done with Soap. We thought so, too. Soap, decidedly. Bristowe
wanted to know “How?” He meant “In what way?” Barclay
answered, “Well, Works—Soap Works.” “Or Drinking Fountains,”
some one suggested—I think it was myself.
Bristowe observed that Drinking Fountains wasn’t a bad notion.
Barclay, however, stuck to Soap. Somebody, perfectly disinterested,
who had dropped in on a visit, proposed an amalgamation of the first
with the second—say, Soap-and-Water.
We made him a Director on the spot. He said, No, he didn’t care
about it, or he’d rather not; but we included him in our list, and told
him that it wouldn’t be any trouble to him. His name was Felton, j
He had a great idea of offices and papers. He said everything ought
to be done in form ; where was a bit of paper ? and pens ? and ink ?,
Now he would at once put down the names of the Directors.
The idea struck us all at, once, Felton should be the Secretary—the
very man for the post. Felton said, “No, no, no ! he’d rather not.”
We said, “ Yes, and with a salary. By all means with a salary.”
Carried nem. con., Felton voting with us.
Bristowe proposed that this should be considered our first meeting.
Barclay said that of course the Company would be Limited. We
said, “Yes; Limited, decidedly.” (“Limited”) in brackets.
Pidge wanted to know what was meant by “ Limited.” The Chair-
man said, we’d come to that by-and-by.
Felton asked authoritatively where was a note-book ?
Barclay said he’d send out for one ; and, as some of the Directors 1
offered to pay for it, he made a merit of presenting it to the Company. j
It was a large school copy-book. Felton said it would do for the i
present, just to enter minutes in. We agreed that for that purpose it |
was peculiarly well adapted.
Well, what should be our first minute? asked the Secretary, looking
round, pen in hand.
We appealed to the Chairman, who was on the sofa. It was agreed j
unanimously that a Chairman mustn’t sit on a sofa; that business was
business; and that if this thing was to come to anything, we really
must be business-like. The Chairman, after some little difficulty,
arising from the question being put as to whether smoking should be
allowed during a business-meeting (this was settled in favour of
smoking), took the chair.
Felton then wrote down,
“ First Meeting of Directors (with date),
Chairman.Mb. Bristowe.
Directors Present . . . Messes. Barclay and Pidge.
Secretary . . Mr. Felton.”
The Chairman found fault with this arrangement, and said it looked
like a playbill.
The Secretary was noting down this remark, when
A Director asked, if it wouldn’t be as well to avoid tomfoolery, and
come to business ?
Carried, nem. con.
Another Director (myself) wanted to know how this resolution should
be entered on the books.
The Chairman said there was only one book. (A laugh.)
The same Director said he knew that, but-
The Secretary expressed his sorrow at interrupting the honourable
gentleman (meaning me), but lie had already entered the resolution in
his book, thus -. “ Resolved, that there be no tomfoolery.”
The Chairman asked what was the Company for?
Barclay said Soap.
The Secretary asked if the Company’s motto would be, “ How are
you off for Soap ? ”
It was unanimously decided that this was tomfoolery contemplated
by our bye-law.
One of the Directors wished to inquire whether the Minutes were
bye-laws, or, generally speaking, what was a bye-law !
The Chairman explained that, a bye-law was a law made when another
law existing—or rather, to put it clearer, a bye-law was rendered neces-
sary by an already existing law to a contrary effect-
Secretary (interrupting). No ; to the same effect.
Chairman. Well, a bye-law is merely a law that-
(( A Director. Yes, but has it the force of law? For instance,—
“ Smoking is strictly forbidden on the platform, vide Bye-Laws ”—
was that a-{wandering)—vras this bye-law one of the Regular Laws,
or—or, in fact-
^ Another Director (plaintively). But there are no platforms in our
Company. {Laugh from the Secretary.)
First Director said it was nonsense talking like this. He (Pidge)
knew what he (Barclay) meant.
The Secretary inquired what he should write down as being the object
that the Company had in view. Was it Soap, or not? He had
scratched out Soap once, and it was absurd going on writing down and
scratching out every minute.
Everyone said that this was absurd, and that the books ought to be
kept, in a business-like manner.
Barclay asked whether we proposed the sale of Common Soap,
YYindsor Soap, Scented Soap, or all kinds of Soap ?
Pidge {as the best way of getting out of an unforeseen difficulty). Oh!
all kinds of Soap.
All shake their heads. Somehow, no one sees the feasibility of the
Soap project now. A silence ensues, during which the Chairman looks
vacantly at his watch-chain, and the Secretary attempts a portrait of
nobody in particular, in fancy costume, among the. minutes. The two
Directors watch him feebly, with some vague feeling that the whole
proceeding is not, exactly business-like.
Secretary {suddenly waking up, and scratching out the fancy portrait).
Well!
Chairman looks from one to the other Director. Barclay votes that
the meeting adjourn to-day, and they ’ll think it over in the meantime.
The Chairman, rising with great alacrity, says, “Yes, that’ll be the
best plan.” He and the Directors take up their hats.
Secretary (hastily, feeling that they are going away and leaving him to
write). Here ! Just stop for me! Look here, what shall I write ?
Chairman {who is in a hurry to go to a flower-show). Oh, anything.
The usual thing; you know. House adjourned and so forth. Only be
regular—do be regular— {Exit at door, reappears again)—and enter
everything in a business form.
[Exit quickly, under the impression that he’s done his duty at all
events.
Barclay. Well, I’m off. [Going.
Secretary (piteously). No, no; do stop. Look, I’ve only got a few
words to put in.
Barclay. Can’t. I’m not going your way. Just shut the door after
you when you go, you fellows, will you ? [Exit in a hurry.
Secretary {to Pidge the remaining Director). You know it’s too bad to
go off and leave a fellow to write all this. It’s not business like.
[He says this under the impression that he ’ll induce Pidge to stop.
Pidge. Yes!
[Considers how he can get off without hurting Secretary^ feelings.
Secretary {writing clearly from his notes). “ At a Meeting of Directors
this day, July the—what is it—July the-
Pidge. The Fourteenth—(see.? his way out)—I say, we didn’t settle
when we’d meet again. I ’ll just run after Barclay. [Exit suddenly.
Secretary. Hi! H’m ! [Calls after him.
Pidge {atfront door). Ail right !
[ Walks quietly into street, and flatters himself on his cleverness.
Secretary {by himself returns sulkily from window, sits at table). It’s
too bad of. those fellows. {Reads what he has loritten) “ At a Meeting-
of Directors this day, July the 14th, it was settled-” {Thinks for a
few seconds, then closes book). Oh yes, I can enter that at our next
meeting.
[Exit cheerfully, and meanly revenges himself by leaving the door open.
Of our next Meeting yon shall hear another time.
MIND YOUR ACCENTS.
In a penny paper, the other day, there appeared a paragraph, headed
as follows:—
“ Working Men's Club Fete.”
It went on to relate the particulars of a social gathering, described
as “ a pic-nic of an unusual character.” This description of the pic-nic
seemed to suggest that it had been held for the benefit of the “ Ortho-
pedic Flospital,” or some similar institution for the cure of club feet.
Instead of feet, however, the continuation of the narrative indicated the
i right reading, for what looked like simply wrong spelling, to be fete.